For most people who go through a divorce, they just want to feel better. They want to hit that fast forward button and get through with it already. Divorce is the most painful thing many people will ever encounter in the lives next to a death.
You can get through it faster, and you can even have a better life on the other side of it. The key is to do it all mindfully. When anxiety creeps up on you, turn your brain on it and ask it what is it’s purpose? When we use our brain to question our thoughts and feelings, we uncover more information. More information is good. It keeps us from spinning out on one single thought.
After my divorce, I did a ton of self-reflection. I knew where I made mistakes and I did not want to make them again. I believed in love and I wanted marriage again one day. To prepare myself for that step, I needed to be worthy of him. I need to be the princess that could attract her equal prince charming.
What I went through to become that better version of myself was no fairy tale. It required a lot of self-discovery and sometimes I did not like what I saw about myself. That was the hardest part, but when you embark on that journey of self-discovery, you commit. At this point, you know there is no turning back because your life is already better for it.
I have compiled a list of 7 ways to thrive through divorce based on the findings I had stumbled through.
1. Get control of your emotions and your actions
This may sound like a no-brainer, but you can’t let your ex trigger you – or anyone else for that matter. You are in control of this. It is not the actions of others that triggers your emotions, it is the thought you apply to their actions. Learning to calm your thoughts and spark new and better ways to think of things will help you cope. It will also make you a more optimistic and joyful person.
2. Gain independence
Becoming completely self-sufficient is an amazing feeling. Pay all your bills on time and reduce your debt. Having careful boundaries with your ex and other family members will help you feel more in control of your own life in this area. Most importantly, learn to love your alone time and self care. All these are important aspects of creating your independence.
3. Processing change
It is important to make yourself a priority in your life where maybe before everyone else came first. You also need to process your relationship, figure out where you went wrong and how you would do it differently next time. Learn to let go of things that are in the past. Holding on just keeps it in the present.
4. Step into your power
Learn to feel confident in your decisions, in your skin, and with your abilities. Set goals and start challenging yourself to hit them. Learn from your mistakes rather than beat yourself up over them. Try again, try harder. Win some and lose some, but be proud of yourself for trying.
5. Be the best version of you
You know who you want to be, so be that. You have values, so figure them out and live by them. Do not compromise your values and your character for anyone or anything. As you do this, your confidence builds and you will actually start to like yourself more. Be your highest self, tap that resource and be it as much as you can. When you have risen to be that great version of you, you are finally in a place to attract a mate that is equal in greatness to you.
6. Plan your future
Look ahead and figure out what you want. Is it aligned with your values? Does it serve a higher purpose for you in life? Go for it. Reach for the stars and keep going. Writing down these goals or creating a vision board is a great way to creatively connect to our wants.
7. Find your spirit path
Connecting to a higher power lifts our spirit. However you connect – whether it is at church, synagogue, meditation, yoga, or a walk in the woods – connecting to spirit is uplifting and directly feeds our soul. Sharing that connection with others in a community that shares our beliefs lifts us even higher.
As you work your way up this list of how to thrive through divorce – focusing on these elements of self-examination in your life – you will find more fulfillment and joy. Your life will have more rewards and has the potential to be great. By examining your life and seeking out ways to make it better, it will surpass all your prior experiences.
Socrates may have seemed a little harsh when he said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” But I can agree that it was not nearly as fulfilling, and can be downright depressing.
The good news is it’s never to late to start.