Narcissists are known for being emotional manipulators and will likely use their manipulation skills in divorce. They can be very persuasive when trying to get what they want. This can make it difficult for a non-narcissistic spouse to keep up with them during the divorce proceedings.
7 Ways to Handle Divorce With a Narcissist
You may struggle with handling the situation if you’re divorcing a narcissist. You might feel like you’re battling for your sanity, and the only way to move forward is to cut ties. However, if you have kids together, that isn’t always an option—and it can be hard to know where to go from there.
To handle divorce with a narcissist in a way that works for both parties involved, here are some tips.
Document Everything
This is the most crucial step you can take in divorcing a narcissist. If you don’t document, you’ll always be at the mercy of your ex or their legal counsel.
Document everything, from emails and text messages to voicemails. Keep track of every conversation you have with your ex, including what was said and when. If possible, record these conversations. If you can’t record them, ask someone else who was present to write notes about what was said. Include these notes in your documentation.
Documentation is essential because it allows you to prove that something happened or didn’t happen at a given time and date. This is crucial when dealing with narcissists who have an incredible ability to lie convincingly.
Define Boundaries
This means that you must be extremely clear about your expectations and what will happen if they aren’t met. Narcissists have a hard time empathizing with others. This means they’re bent on pursuing their agenda without regard for other people’s feelings and well-being.
For example, ensure that your ex-spouse knows precisely how much time they will have with the kids each week. Also, ensure what day that time will take place. It’s also important to establish other aspects of their role in your kids’ life, such as providing emotional or child support.
You should also let them know what happens when those boundaries are crossed. For example, if they don’t show up for your arranged visitation time with the children or refuse to pay child support.
The best way to handle this is by writing it down in an official document like a parenting agreement. A lawyer could help create these documents, so everything is clear about how things work from here on out.
Hold Them Accountable for Breach of Agreement
When a narcissist makes an agreement with you, they are not trying to be your friend. They are not trying to get along, too. They’re simply trying to get what they want out of the situation.
If you agree on something with a narcissist, hold them accountable for their part of that agreement. Don’t let them off the hook when they don’t keep their end of the bargain. Most of the time, these narcissists will continue what they want with impunity or without feeling remorseful.
Remain Calm But Prepared
The least you’d want your narcissistic spouse to see is that they’ve hurt your feelings or upset you. They will try to turn it around by making themselves the victim and making you look like the bad guy. They may even threaten to take advantage of any mistakes or slip-ups during the divorce proceedings.
It’s essential for you not to get angry or emotional during any communication with them. This is especially true if there are children involved in the situation. Getting angry and yelling at them can be tempting. However, this approach doesn’t work.
It’s also equally important that you are prepared for anything that could happen during the divorce process. If a narcissistic spouse has control over finances or other assets, they may try to take advantage of these things. They can withhold them from being used during divorce proceedings. This can cause problems, especially when you have no other means to support the kids and yourself.
Surround Yourself With People Who Support You
Getting support from a therapist may be helpful if you’re in a divorce. Narcissists are very good at manipulating their victims and making them feel guilty for wanting to leave them. They also use their children as pawns, making it difficult for you to leave the relationship. A therapist can help you work through these issues to make the best decisions for you and your family.
Remember that there are good people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time. Reach out to them. They may not be able to talk about what’s happening, but they will listen and give you the support you need.
Accept Your Situation
The narcissist you’re divorcing is likely to be self-centered and manipulative. This can make it difficult to accept your situation, especially when you’re also struggling with grief and loss.
You may feel guilty about your divorce or even feel like you’ve failed. You may wonder if there’s something you could have done differently that prevented this situation from happening.
It’s important to remember that while you can’t control the actions of others, you can control how you react to them. By doing so, you’ll be able to create a more positive outcome for everyone involved.
The sooner you accept this reality, the sooner you can also start working towards moving on with your life.
Work With a Family Lawyer
A family lawyer will be able to help you navigate the complicated legal system and ensure that your rights are protected throughout the process.
A family lawyer will also be able to explain the legal process so that you understand precisely what is happening and why. This can help keep your emotions in check and prevent you from making any unnecessary mistakes.
Working with a family lawyer can also help clarify how spouses divide assets. They’ll also ensure child custody will be smoothly handled during this period.
They can also help you protect yourself financially during and after divorce. This is especially helpful if you’re filing for a divorce in Canada, where spousal relationships are considered economic relationships.
In most cases, the spouse with the higher income is obliged to pay spousal support. The reasoning is to enable the spouse with lower earnings to recover financially after separation or divorce.
An expert divorce lawyer in Toronto can establish the following factors to prove your spousal support eligibility and length of support entitlement:
- Age of both parties at the time they separated
- Duration of their union or relationship
- The ability of the supporting support to extend financial assistance to the low-income spouse
- Roles each spouse played while still in the relationship
- The low-income spouse’s capacity to work toward self-sufficiency
These factors can be hard to establish or quantify, so it’s best to work with a divorce lawyer. They know the nuances and technicalities of the governing laws and governmental guidelines so that you will be aware of the situation.
Takeaway
Divorcing a narcissist can be tedious and exhausting. However, if you recognize the signs of narcissism and avoid the pitfalls, you can make your divorce process more straightforward. This is not always easy to do. It may require extra work to avoid getting caught in the traps set by your ex-spouse.
However, you can do this right with the help of a lawyer and people who support you. With them, you will be able to move on with your life and get back on track with your career and family.
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