Dealing with divorce is like a scary and emotional roller coaster ride. It takes time to get out of the ‘habit’ of being married and lead your life as a single woman again.
Nobody is ever prepared for what it feels like to be divorced. It feels like you are close to losing everything that you held to be dear. If you are battling through a divorce, this post will help you to steer your life in the right direction.
I was reduced to panic and gibbering when my husband confessed that he didn’t love me anymore. ‘I want a divorce’- these four words were enough to turn my life upside down. Initially, I felt like I would probably never get through this rough phase of my life.
After the divorce, I became a woman who was sad, lonely and financially strapped. In short, I became the real-life Miss Havisham. There was a lot of crying during that phase. Whether I walked my dog or watched a movie, it was hard for me to accept the divorce.
As per Vikki Stark, the author of Runaway Husbands, it takes almost two years to feel normal again after the divorce. You can heal yourself in multiple ways in those 24 months.
Check out the tips below to take back your life after divorce.
Take your time to grieve. There is no shame in that
The falling apart of a marriage will surely take a toll. You need to mourn the lifestyle and life that you have lost. Grieving will make you feel better (even if it was you who wanted the split).
I tried to stay strong after my divorce. The ‘If Jennifer Anniston could move on, so could you’ type of feelings just made things worse. It took me a while to realize that you need to let go bit by bit. It is okay to mourn the loss. It is only through grieving that you will accept the divorce. The sooner you accept that the marriage is over, the better it will be for your mental peace.
Just take your time and things will fall into place. Meanwhile, you can lie in your bed and have your favorite ice cream.
Talk to your friends. Close ones, only
My brain switched on to the 24/7 divorce network channel after the first few days. My friends helped me change that channel in my head.
Almost everyone I ran into after the fallout of my marriage asked how things are after the divorce. My best friends and support system tried their best to steer the conversations away from it.
Most of the people will want to know your ‘divorce story’ only to brew up gossip. On the other hand, your friends will listen to you without judgement.
They will support you and remind you how special and strong you are as a human being. Trust me; this support will help you cope with things after the divorce.
Most importantly, your friends will make sure you don’t do anything rash or stupid. No matter how drunk or angry you are, your friends will find a way for you to vent those feelings out. They are the ones who will prevent you from falling off the edge.
Seek professional assistance. It’s important for you and your kids
Friends help a lot when it comes to moving on after a divorce. But, you may need a therapist to figure out how to jump-start your new life.
Sometimes, it becomes difficult to feel motivated even with friends and family around you. In that case, it helps to have a professional by your side.
You can find a therapist near you on Psychology Today. Just share your thoughts with the therapist and try to implement his/her suggestions.
According to The Conversation, a small number of children are highly affected by the divorce of their parents. Studies show that almost 50,000 to 60,000 kids in Australia experience their parents getting a divorce each year.
Your divorce can have an adverse impact on your children. Their academics may get worse, or some may even have behavioral problems. Let a professional therapist help you and your kids to deal with this matter. You don’t want the divorce to affect your kids, do you?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
As per Unified Lawyers, the global divorce rate is constantly rising with time. The rate has increased almost 251.8% since 1960. With a population of approximately 500,000, Luxembourg encounters 87% of divorces every year. Similarly, the United States has 46% of divorces per year.
What do we learn from these statistics?
You are not alone.
There are hundreds like you out there, fighting the odds to give themselves and their kids a better life. I spent the first year of divorce grieving and venting to my family and friends. But, let’s be real. You can’t depend on them forever.
I realized it was time to stop considering myself a victim. Smart women do not make the pain of divorce their identity card.
Buckle up. Start following women who can be role models with their optimism and strength. I followed One Mom’s Battle, which was founded by a single parent to battle the divorce.
You will be sad or feel despair at unexpected times. But, you won’t give up. This step is especially important if you have a daughter who looks up to you. You need make yourself worth her admiration.
Become financially independent
I am of the opinion that economic dependence degrades the self-esteem of women. Financial independence is one of the most important factors required to lead a better life after the divorce. Economic dependence on your husband is like a double-edged sword.
Get a job or follow your passion to increase your earnings. I started by providing writing service to students in my local area. Gradually, I got a job at a reputed middle school as an English teacher.
This job is not my only source of income. It is my pride, my get away from the chaos of life. Take the example of Teri McCowan. She too had a hard time getting through the divorce after 26 years of marriage. But, she didn’t give up. At present, she has a walking club of her own that is doing pretty good.
When you feel low, try to look at the bright side of things. You can do whatever you want. There is no one to intervene or stop you from living your dreams. Learn to play the guitar and be a musician or go ahead and become a painter. Once you make the decision, there is no stopping you.
Make new friends and start dating
After my divorce, I felt a little odd among my married girlfriends. The truth is, they might not like to spend all their time with you. This is why you will need new single friends.
Check out online dating sites to come across a sea of single men who would suit your taste. When you hang out with new people, you get less time to focus on painful feelings and memories. You can learn about new friends, their lives and other experiences. However, stay away from people who tend to bring in negativity in your life. You might be vulnerable at this point in time. Don’t end up getting hurt by choosing the wrong friends.
Start dating when you start feeling good about yourself. Do not rush with the process. Just keep it light and have loads of fun. You are not looking for a soul mate out there, are you? Find someone pleasant and go out on a dinner date. Good luck, ladies!
When things fall back into place, take a short trip with your girlfriends or kids. Nature can do wonders to your soul. I took a solo trip to Rome and it felt heavenly. The above-mentioned tips helped me live through the divorce darkness and celebrate being single. Here’s hoping that this blog will help you to move forward.