I have been asked frequently how my family has such a great relationship. People are often astonished by the incredible relationship I have with Javier, my former husband. They have recommended others speak to me, because I had what they called the “perfect divorce”. This always made me smile, because I came to realize that I did indeed have the perfect divorce. It led me to where I am now and sent me on an inward healing journey.
The reality of my divorce is that it was no different from most marriages that end. We had tremendous feelings of loss, fear, anger, hurt, and sadness. However, my current relationship with my children’s father functions almost like a marriage. It requires time, consideration, and clear communication because we are still a family; we are a two-home family. I finally realized that even after our divorce, my children’s father and I would be together forever; we would be grandparents together. I know both of us would wish to remain very much a part of our children’s lives. This key realization led me to imagine a vision for what I wanted to create in my family.
The following steps illustrate the path I took to re-create my family after divorce and get back to a place of love.
Karen Winter is the author of What Would Love Do Now?, a book designed to help ex-spouses create a happy two-home family for themselves and their children. Sharing her personal experiences with divorce, Winter encourages you to re-examine your relationship with your ex-spouse, and to take responsibility: both for the part you played in your marriage breakdown and for the part you can play in creating a great co-parenting relationship post-divorce.