After staying awake night after night, thinking, contemplating and sometimes even getting panic attacks, you have finally made the decision to file for a divorce. Still, you can’t help but be worried about what your new life after divorce will be like.
However, getting cold feet at the thought of not being able to be with the man or woman you wed, is natural. After all, you committed to a life together and not a relationship with an expiry date. Thinking about a new life after divorce can be terrifying.
Yes, there are reasons you should stay and work on your marriage. But, there are also benefits to pulling the trigger and moving forward with divorce.
Check out these 6 ways to kickstart your new life after divorce:
1. Make Yourself a Priority
After having spent time with someone you love and making him or her the center of your world, it is time to change the rules. Start by giving yourself the attention, care and love you deserve. Stop worrying about what their new life after divorce will be like and start re-examining your life.
Start doing the things you once enjoyed doing but couldn’t because of your obligations after marriage. It may be as trivial as binging late night television or as big as getting yourself enrolled in a college course you always wanted to take.
Also, make it a habit to pamper yourself. Go for retail or beauty therapy, a spa treatment or a long drive, whatever makes you happy. Haven’t gone to a movie alone or eaten at a restaurant by yourself? Well, do it now. It’s important to start enjoying your company and start living life your way, with no conditions. Prioritize yourself.
2. Learn to Let Go
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
This quote by Steve Maraboli is everything you should do to start your life afresh post a divorce. Hence, it’s time to let go of the past and the grudges. The more you hold on to them, the more you will get into the rigmarole of why’s and how’s of things not working out. But, it’s time to face the reality, and it’s over.
Holding on will only hurt you more. However, it is absolutely fine to give yourself some time to let go. But, keep reminding yourself that your marriage is over and for a reason. Therefore, let this process be natural and if you occasionally remember the good memories you had with your ex, don’t be hard on yourself, it’s normal. Nevertheless, if you feel the need for help letting go getting in touch with Worsley Centre for Psychotherapy and Counselling that provides high quality therapeutic and professional psycho-therapeutic services is someone you should reach out to.
3. Reconnect with Old Friends
It’s normal to have friends in common with your spouse. However, after divorce, like a lot of things, friends get divided too. They tend to choose one of the two and rarely stay in touch with both partners. So, losing friends in a situation like this is normal, and it has nothing to do with you as a person. It is a choice they make so worrying about it will only lead to pain.
But, what you can do is connect with old friends that you lost touch with. It might seem like a task but a simple message or a call can reconnect you with your old buddies. And don’t forget, you need to build your social circle so it is worth the effort.
4. Learn to Manage Your Own Finances
Understanding finances and investments may not be your responsibility when you were married, but, after the split, it is. So, start managing your financial life and make a list of your income, expenditure, expenses and assets and liabilities. This will help you keep tabs on your incoming versus outgoing flow of money and thus plan your monthly budget.
However, if you are not working, then look at going back to your career or find a career that interests you. This will not only give you financial stability but will also keep you engaged. By making slight modifications and being conscious of the expenditure and savings will help you keep your financial life on track.
5. Take A Break and Travel
Going through a separation isn’t easy and getting used to your new life after divorce can be fairly tough. To come out of this emotional mayhem take a short break and travel. It could be to a place you always wished to visit but couldn’t till now or even a nearby resort.
You can plan a trip with close friends or look at tour groups for single people and book yourself for an adventure. A trip by yourself or alone with your children might sound scary but it is a great way to gain retrospection your life and realize that you are stronger than you expected. Always remember you survived a situation you thought you couldn’t and are now even considering traveling with a group of strangers or alone.
6. Give Romance a Second Chance with Online Dating
If you have recently been divorced, then the thought of dating may seem bizarre. But, it there is no harm in using online dating sites to connect with others and possibly find a new relationship.
However, remember two important things about dating after divorce:
- Do compare others to your ex.
- Be cautious and don’t invest to much time and energy into someone until you know them well.
If you thought your new life after divorce would be tough, then try these 6 easy to do things to kickstart it. And don’t forget: it’s all about you so make some rules and break some but give yourself the second chance it deserves with open arms.
Ann Heathcote is an experienced psychotherapist and counselor who helps individuals overcome shortcomings in their professional and personal lives, and then build a successful lifestyle they always wanted. Ann spends her professional life running The Worsley Centre for Psychotherapy and Counselling, and as a writer. www.theworsleycentre.com