Relationship expert, author, and divorce blogger Kimberly Pryor answers: I’m going to give you some great advice that author Lisa Steadman shared at a retreat I hosted for divorced people. It’s an exercise Lisa created to show you how to increase your chances of meeting the right person. If Lisa hadn’t done this one exercise, she would never have ended up falling in love with the man who ultimately became her husband. If Lisa had met him years before, she would have told him to go away, thinking he was too nice or too short. Back then, he wouldn’t have fit her image of her ideal man.
Here is the exercise Lisa recommends you do: Every day, for 30 days when you first wake up in the morning and right before you go to bed, say out loud “Love is” and then describe what you want love to feel like. Not love is 6 feet tall. Not love has a big bank account. But how do you want love to feel? For example, “Love is available. Love is fulfilling. Love is a two-way street. Love meets my needs.”
The reason why this exercise often works is because you very likely think you want a particular type of person. But either you were married to that type of person and it didn’t work-or when you start to date that ideal person simply doesn’t appear or they do appear and they reject you. So to change what kind of love shows up in your life, change how you want that love to feel.
The goal is to redefine what love looks and feels like for you so that you can attract something different than you’ve been attracting in the past.
Kimberly Pryor is a journalist and the author of The Indestructible Relationship, which won the EPIC eBook Award for best nonfiction of 2012. Visit her blog at www.afterdivorceadvice.com.