Moms dating after divorce often find it daunting. There are many questions to be asked and answered and many new feelings to be processed and understood during this process.
However, dating after divorce as a parent is even more difficult. For one, the dating pool can be a bit narrower as not everyone is looking for someone who already has children. Then there is the fact that you are not the only one involved – your kids are, too. Finding time is another issue to be considered.
That being said, it could be magical. You could potentially find the partner — or the fling — of your dreams. The one that will get you out of the rut, show you new ways of loving, or simply be a perfect addition to your family. Sounds great, right?
But first, you should learn some essential tips on dating after divorce when you are a parent.
5 tips for moms dating after divorce.
1. Make Sure You’re Ready
“The one thing you have to do above everything else is to make sure that you’re ready. Your feelings are, after all, at stake here. Have you dealt with your divorce properly? Have you processed those feelings? Are you content with yourself and your life?” says Angelina Parsons, a writer at Writinity.
Never start dating before you are completely sure that you want to do it. Ignore the pressure your friends or family might put on you and do everything in your own time. Make sure that you have gotten to know your new self — the person you are today post-divorce. You might not be the same person you were before you got married. You are now a completely different individual and you have to explore that first. Get to know yourself first and then move on to getting to know someone else.
2. Know What You’re Looking For
Not every divorced mom is looking for love. Some just want a fling, some want a friendship, some are looking for companionship, and some are looking for someone to play the dad role in their new family situation. None of these are wrong and each would appeal to a different person.
Again, don’t feel pressured to do anything. If an occasional sexual partner is all you are looking for, go for it. If a casual boyfriend is what you need, go for that as well. It’s not set in stone that you need to be looking for true love and another white dress.
Make sure that you are aware of your needs and the narrative in your head before you get into dating after divorce. This way, no one’s feelings are going to get hurt.
3. Make Sure You Have the Time and Energy to Date
This is a tricky one: finding both time and energy to date when you have kids. As your kids get older this gets easier, but if you still have very young children it, could be a problem.
It all depends on your current situation. If your ex-husband has the children for a portion of the week, then that is your time to go out. If you have family nearby like your parents, siblings or friends, you can also leave your kids with them. If you are working or your children are in school during the day you could maybe set up coffee dates or lunch dates that fit your schedule.
Just make sure that you find time for dating.
4. Talk to Your Kids
Telling your kids that you are dating can be a bit tricky. First, you need to understand that most kids hope that their parents will get back together. This will strongly affect how they feel about you dating and about your new partner. Next, you should be aware that kids get attached easily when they like someone. So, you should be very careful about bringing a new person into their lives, especially if you are not sure that this person is going to stay.
If you have only occasional dates, you can tell your kids that you are having dinner with a friend or something similar until you’re sure that your new relationship is solid and committed. If your kids ask about your love life, never lie to them. They can sense when something isn’t right.
5. Be Honest with Your Date
“Your new partner — or your date of the night — should know that you have children and what it is you are looking for from that date or relationship. This way, no one’s feelings are going to get hurt and you’ll feel much better. Be honest with your kids as well about your relationships and the importance of this new man. Finally, be honest with yourself on whether you are really where you want to be,” says Wilhelmina Johnson, a managing director from DraftBeyond.
In the end, the most important thing is not to rush anything. You already had a serious relationship and you already had a family. When the time is right, you’ll know what to do. Hopefully, these tips will set moms dating after divorce on the right path towards success in the dating world.
Martina Sanchez is an entrepreneur and content marketing specialist with Lucky Assignments and Gum Essays. She loves writing articles and running her blog where she talks about various subjects related to digital marketing, SEO and so on. www.luckyassignments.com