Facebook Feedback: Our Fans Speak Out
Divorce Magazine’s Facebook Fans answer questions about separation and divorce. To join the conversation, please “Like” our page: www.facebook.com/DivorceMagazine
Divorce Magazine: Tell us: Who has helped you the most with your divorce or separation? Maybe it is a friend, a relative, a co-worker, a divorce professional, your ex?
MSH: My first job outside the home, I met a single divorced mom of 20 plus years – we were both nurses – I’ll never forget what she shared with me: “You can’t make someone stay, and someone cannot make you have a life. In other words, there is life after divorce.”
RC: About 40,000 men and women around the world. Between sites I host or the radio show I co-host, they have all helped me.
HM: You’d think the $25K I gave to lawyers would place the lawyers at top but NO. A Family Court Watcher helped me the most: Cathy Sloper, www.divorceinconnecticut.blogspot.com
DB: My life love and now my wife who I have known since I was 12.
DP: It was a lot of people from an ex to my cousin and best girlfriend.
RLJF: My best friend Lisa.
MA: My attorney worked miracles. I fell in love with him and eventually we dated . He sucked at relationship but he saved my life lol.
CH: My friend Holly, who was deep in nursing school, told me that I wasn’t crazy, and held my hand the whole time.
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Divorce Magazine: Have you downloaded the latest issue of Divorce Magazine yet? It’s free. www.divorcemag.com/findprofessional.php
SB: Why don’t they put one out on how to commit, devote, and learn to work on a relationship?
DM: Actually, we just posted an article entitled “Divorce Prevention: Valentine’s Day Tips from DivorceMagazine.com”, in light of the fact that Valentine’s Day is coming up. You can find it here: www.divorcemag.com/article-category/relationships-and-dating. Enjoy!
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Divorce Magazine: A fan wrote this, please provide your support:
“How can I be sure that I will get my fair share from my divorce? My husband owns his own business and I am a stay at home mom with 2 children (6 and 10 years old). I was never involved in his business, but I know there is a lot of cash money because it is a restaurant. I know he does not declare all his income. My divorce lawyer says he can get to the bottom of it but my husband is not very co-operative. He wants to keep the children so he does not have to pay child support. I am very concerned that I won’t get custody because I can’t afford to fight.”
DS: The system is against men everywhere and yes I dare say it the system always goes against the father and I know a lot of mothers who only want custody for more money. Read the posts here – they’re all against fathers. The wife gets this she gets that and fathers get screwed. It cost me $1,200 just to get the standard Christmas time because she refused. Before we were even divorced, [it took] 3 weeks to see my child because she didn’t think I had a need and a court order is what it took to make it happen. Don’t you dare say fathers have just as much right to their children as the mother and the courts side with the mother.
CH: No, not all moms are saints. I question my goodness as a mother every day. I’m human. I have seen plenty of great dads do the job because the mother has poor parenting skills.
MM: I just recently got divorced. My ex and I owned our own businesses as well. I know state laws vary, but you should be entitled to half of everything. As far as your children go, I have never heard of a mom losing custody unless she is deemed unfit or voluntarily gives them up. The ex and I agreed on joint custody with primary placement with me and he was ordered to pay me child support. It shouldn’t matter if you can’t afford to fight. That doesn’t define what type of parent you are. Maybe a mediator might be as better option for you financially. Stay strong and stand your ground. Believe me: mine dragged out for 18 months and it was killing me. Don’t give in to him, especially if it doesn’t feel right. Divorce is brutal… [but] you will be ok. 🙂 Good luck!
DS: First of all, do you honestly believe he only wants the children for monetary reasons? Why can’t a mother believe a father loves and wants his children?
CH: Most dads do love their kids. But in some situations, they don’t, sadly. And hopefully the mom is seeing it correctly. I had a situation where he had 50% parenting time, and gave it up six months later to 13%.
MM: I know lots of dads who love their kids and don’t want to pay support – my ex included. Every case is different.
KJ: Daniel you are really opening up my emotions on this one. How dare you say the system goes against the father – maybe in Nebraska, but that is certainly not the case everywhere. But you did get something right – it’s always about the money, and I know a lot of fathers that want more custody just because they won’t pay as much child support.
MM: My ex wanted me to say we have shared custody, which we don’t, so he wouldn’t have to pay as much child support.
DS: All your lawyer wants is your money.
YSTW: I very much doubt he will get custody of the children; the courts usually award to the Mother unless abuse is involved, which it doesn’t sound like. Your husband doesn’t have to be very involved and your attorney can do specific searches to find hidden money. Your husband will have to provide certain things if he is court ordered. You don’t have to be involved in his business to get half (if community property is the law in your state). Your job has been raising the children and running your home so he could run a business. I know this sounds like a lot but please don’t just give in – which is what I did 20 years ago and had to go back to court to get more spousal support. You are entitled to spousal and child support. Stay strong, you will get through this and will move forward from a place of power. Lots of luck and many blessings.
CH: If it becomes something you can’’ afford then you can have your bills become his bills. Stand your ground. You may need to go into Discovery. My ex told the judge he makes the same amount of money as I do after child support; I work two jobs and pay considerably less rent than his property taxes a year, and he drives a Bentley. So anything that he doesn’t have to pay because the business pays those expenses are income.
BM: Don’t worry… money court is biased.