Getting married is one of the most important and biggest decisions of your life. It’s difficult to find the perfect one so when you think you’ve finally found your soul mate, you get married and naturally assume this marriage will last forever. But what if it doesn’t?
Some people get lucky – they find their soul mate and have a happily ever after. Others? Well, they don’t get to be lucky in the marriage department. So the unlucky pair usually ends up getting divorced, which is quite challenging – both physically and emotionally.
According to American Psychological Association, at present, over 40 to 50 percent of couples end up getting a divorce in the United States and what’s even higher is the divorce rate for subsequent marriages.
In all honesty, getting married is great for couples’ health. It enhances your mental and physical well being and a happy couple ends up building a happy family. That is why getting a divorce is often devastating – a traumatic affair indeed. (When I mean that getting a divorce can be tough, I am referring to both partners who suffer in marriage.)
Although women suffer greatly while going through a divorce, men do also.
Men have it just as hard as women – however, men don’t show their vulnerability as much as women do because they’ve been taught to be strong and never appear weak.
Based on these stereotypical labels that men have received over the years, it makes it much harder for them to disclose their thoughts and feelings to anyone.
I remember when I was getting divorced. I was used to sharing my thoughts with my ex-wife because she was the closest person in my life but during our divorce, I wasn’t sure whom to consult and share my feelings with without being judged.
Consequently, I ended up feeling isolated, miserable and frustrated about my situation. And it didn’t do me any good mentally or physically. So I broke all the stereotypes and sought out help. Trust me, that was one the best decisions I took, without having any regrets.
If you are getting divorced or want to help out someone going through their divorce, first of all, my condolences! Getting a divorce is not easy but believe me, everything will be fine with time. The pain and struggle for this will only last a while.
Ultimate Divorce Checklist For Men – Gear Up!
1. Avoid Doing Nothing
We all go through problems where we just can’t handle all the stress piled up from a complicated situation so we just want to completely bury our head in the ground and hope that problem goes away.
If anything, doing nothing is just going to make matters worse for you. You need to keep your mind occupied with doing things that will uplift your mood for the future.
Many people isolate themselves during divorce. I don’ suggest this. It’s always good to socialize and have some entertainment. Making sure you’re participating in life and surrounding yourself with positive people will help you stay positive during a difficult time.
2. Immerse in the Art of Yoga
You are seriously going to need something to channel your pent up emotions and doing yoga is the perfect remedy for that.
Yoga and meditation are common spiritual practices that have been scientifically proven to be relaxing and offer great benefits to the body, mind, and soul. Doing yoga can relieve you from stress, keep your anxiety under control, control your blood pressure whilst enhancing your physical and emotional health.
3. Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help
As I mentioned before, men find it difficult to ask for a helping hand. Being all macho, they often don’t want to show their weak side.
Divorced men that I knew thought they could handle the divorce on their own but soon found out they didn’t have a clue. They ended up drowning their sorrows in booze and drugs and eventually lost their way when it came to positively working through the divorce process.
Not reaching out for help will lead you to a one-way ticket to a destructive divorce along with a miserable future.
It’s okay to ask for help from your friends and family. They can be a great pillar of support and you won’t have to feel alienated with your problems.
If you don’t want to involve your friends and family, (for whatever the reason may be) you can always consult a professional therapist. Their company and supportive advice can significantly help you in such a situation, especially when making logical decisions and considering your divorce plans.
4. Become Knowledgeable About the Divorce Process
The more educated you are in the ways of how to get a divorce, the easier it to advocate for yourself and your rights during divorce.
Divorce is hard to deal with emotionally and financially. The more knowledge you have, the less financial damage that will be done.
There are so many financial aspects that need to be taken into consideration when getting a divorce. Dividing the assets and property; if you have children then you would need to discuss matters on child support and gaining custody etc. It can be a hassle if done in a rush without thought. Take your time to look into information on how the whole process works.
5. Reach Out to Others Who’ve’ Been Through Divorce
Meet up with people who are divorced so that you can get some ideas on how to manage your own situation as effectively as possible. This can help you cope up with your situation and will also give you an idea regarding your future life.
However, make sure you meet divorced people who have successfully gotten past their divorce situations. You don’t want to meet someone who is still hung up on their ex and wasting their life away or someone who suffered a huge amount of financial loss during their own divorce periods. Yet, you can learn better from their experiences.
6. Hire Hold of a Good Lawyer
It’s important to find a well-reputed lawyer – this way you won’t have regrets about choosing someone at a whim and wasting an enormous amount on them. A good will be your strongest shield who will guide you to gain favorable results in your divorce.
However, you must always put your own judgment first over theirs. Lawyers can make mistakes and no one knows better than you, what is right or wrong for you.
7. Avoid Taking the Issue to Court
It’s best to resolve all divorce issues between you and your spouse or via mediation.
The reason why you should avoid court is that mostly, the moment you enter a courtroom, you have lost control of the outcome of your divorce. The final decision of the court is based 30 percent on the law and 70 percent on the perception of the judge.
If the judge doesn’t feel your case is strong enough or simply favors the opposite party, he has the authority to go against you whether you sound logical in your arguments.
This is why you should keep the divorce process between you and your spouse along with the respective lawyers. Give in to a few compromises. You will end up losing a lot less than how much you could have in court.
8. Respect Your Ex
If you plan to negotiate your way through this divorce than you need to be careful with how you act toward her.
Be nice to your ex-spouse whether they deserve it or not. Do not get provoked when they try to taunt you. Try not to let your anger channel in your speech and make it an amicable process, especially you have kids. This way, the situation will hurt less and you can get a favorable response by smooth talking your way during the negotiations.
9. Move Out to A Place Where Your Kids Can Hang Out
Naturally, it’s uncomfortable to live with your soon to be ex wife under the same roof so you will end up moving out at some point.
If you want your kids to come to stay with you, get a decent place to stay when they come to visit you. When moving out of a marital home, take everything that you own but isn’t considered marital property.
10. Stay Involved in Your Kids’ Lives
You will need to spend as much time as you can with your children because you don’t know how things are going to end once the divorce process is complete. Try your best to communicate with your kids regularly. Talk to them about how their day went and immerse yourself in their lives. Be sure to be present for their school meetups or any other occasions. Just find an excuse to stay around them. This can strengthen your bond regardless of how less time you get to spend together.
Monica Albert is a passionate and creative blogger who loves to write on lifestyle and relationships. Her writings are focused on prevailing topics and her long term vision is to empower youth in making their decisions. She loves to gather information and wants to have her own library.