What can a woman want in her 30s? What are your needs and desires, or, simply put, what do you urgently want right now?
Judging by your presence here, you’re looking for love. You’re probably craving to feel those amazing stomach butterflies once again, and you’re probably scared because you can’t imagine it happening.
But the divorce…oh, the divorce. I know. I’ve been there, done that not just once, so I can tell you something straight:
A divorce is the consequence of bad decisions. It hurts, but it frees you from the careless choices and mistakes you’ve made in the past. It brings pain, but it generates growth. A divorce brings a significant change in any woman’s life. Of course, this change can be positive or negative, and it all depends on your priorities.
Since you’re reading this article, you’re ready (or you think you’re ready) to move on completely by allowing yourself to experience different partners. To be honest, that is a great choice, and here’s why.
Solving emotional problems and wounds should be first done alone. After divorce, you should take your time to “reconstruct” yourself and to allow the strong painful emotions and the negative thoughts to pass. Each of us has different timing needs to fix the initial damage caused by the divorce.
Nevertheless, once that phase is over, it’s time to start thinking big again. You have a future to shape, and a life to live.
Therefore, if you’re in your thirties and you’ve recently become a single woman that has no clue how to start dating again, you’ve landed on the right spot.
Tips for Women Dating After Divorce
Age is an Advantage
Most women that reach their thirties seem to be concerned about their age. “Too old”, “expired”, “not going to fit again” …these are common thoughts and worries that seem to be coming back again and again.
After meeting the man of my dreams and building an incredible 7-member family (in my thirties), I came to realize that my age is a blessing. By the time I met my husband, I actually knew who I am, what I like, and what I want.
Back in my 20s, I was seeking only the exotic and the extravagant. I really didn’t know why I was dating the men I was dating. After all, how can you know someone if you don’t know yourself? Or…how can you love someone when you have no idea what self-love means?
Age is an advantage because the “older” you are the wiser you become. That gives you a great opportunity to shape your relationship and life the way you’ve always dreamt of.
Embrace Yourself, Then Embrace Others
This is a simple one. After a divorce, you should embrace every part of yourself – the good and the bad. If you suffer, embrace it. If you have fun, embrace it. If you’re scared, acknowledge it and promise yourself to change it. Be introspective. Focus on compassion. Be compassionate about yourself and your ex. Don’t hate him – understand him.
The moment you embrace yourself and your situation the faster you’ll gain the necessary strength to start moving on for good. Unless you’re at peace with yourself, you will not be able to enjoy wonderful experiences with wonderful men. Even religion says it – the moment you forgive, you are free.
Dismiss Any Negative Thinking
Negative thinking brings negative experiences. One great way to stop thinking about the worse is to shift your perspective. Start being the observer of your thoughts. Whenever you think something that doesn’t sound or look positive, put yourself behind the thought and analyze it. Think about its cause. Most probably, a belief, a memory, or a principle is guiding it.
Keep doing that, every day, and you’ll eventually start “fixing “every negative thought you have. Consistency is key in this exercise; however, it is truly worth it.
When you’re a single lady about thirty years old and something, you want to shine with positivity and optimism. If you do that, you’ll attract men that have the same qualities and traits. If you’re negative, you’ll attract only the worst!
Personal Development is Key
As a woman, you need to be independent. That cannot happen unless you care to evolve physically (fit), mentally and emotionally. You can improve yourself in various ways – sport, books, hobbies, professional gigs. For example, after my first breakup, I needed to replace the time spent with my ex-husband with something productive.
Since I enjoy writing, I decided to offer essay writing services to students who can’t afford expensive tutorship. Simply put, students used to buy essays from me, and in the meanwhile, I was doing three good things for me: occupying my time, improving my writing (which improves communication), and I was building interesting relationships with super special students.
This simple activity was the best strategy for me to quit thinking about my ex, to take care of my personal and professional needs, and to gain confidence in my communication and writing.
Communication is Essential in Any Mature Relationship
Being in the 30s dating game is a blessing, especially because you no longer have to deal with immature partners who don’t truly know (or want) to communicate directly and genuinely way.
Whenever you talk to a new potential “player” or “chosen one”, communicate clearly and honestly. Don’t be afraid to show your personality or to mention your wounds. You don’t have to start talking about your emotional dramas. Simply letting the guy know that you’ve recently been vulnerable is just enough of a clue to show that person what’s going on.
That is part of you. If the man you hang around with dislikes your past and doesn’t care to help you improve your condition, he’s immature. If there’s no real communication and trust, stop wasting your time because you’ve just stumbled upon bad luck.
Prioritize Your Time Well and Don’t Waste It
If you’re in your thirties and single, that really doesn’t mean you have to waste your time in bars, clubs, events, or any other venues that would have the purpose of dating.
You are not old. Get that off your mind in case you’re thinking of it. Being in your thirties (and alone) is truly a blessing. You are basically getting impressive odds for a fresh start, one that no longer disappoints you or lets you down.
Time is key. Whenever you meet new men and build the initial rapport, you’ll immediately know (deep down) whether you’re wasting your time or you’re onto something real. If you don’t truly see a future with someone, immediately retreat and continue chasing your expectations. Nevertheless, make sure you avoid the “perfection” trap.
Takeaways for Women Dating After Divorce
Dear single lady, I am glad that you’re finally taking action. It’s all about momentum. If you get that, confidence’s going to burst, good vibes are going to arise, and most of your fears and concerns will eventually dissipate by the time you’ve got your “first wins”.
Obviously, my wins are different from your wins. What’s important is that you have enough confidence to make the first steps. The world’s not that black as it may seem after a painful breakup. The more you embrace it, the pinker it gets!