Going through a divorce with a narcissist will differ from other divorces. There will be struggles and frustration, and it will take time to get to a place of acceptance and comfort. The following tips will help you move on from your divorce to a new life.
- The process of divorcing a narcissist was worse than I could have ever imagined, but I would do it again in a heartbeat knowing how much better life is on the other side. You will never regret leaving. Your only regret, once the dust has begun to settle, will be that you stayed as long as you did.
- You ARE all those wonderful things they said in the beginning! That is why they chose you. The problem isn’t with you – it’s with them. A Priest told me, “You HAVE fulfilled your vows. God doesn’t want us to be unhappy and living in fear.” That lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and I was able to proceed like I was on a mission.
- Walk gently into your future… breathe… cry when needed…be patient with yourself… buy Kleenex… keep your chin up… stay focused on the horizon… stay true to yourself… and just keep walking, remembering that standing still before the next step is still forward movement from where you have come. Life is just one big wave… hang on to that board and ride it!
- When you realize that you have had to love yourself less in order to love the person you are leaving, then you can begin a new chapter in your life of discovery. One where you can build a new sense of self and take baby steps in building a better quality of life for yourself and your children. Also, you will show your children that it’s OK to say no and have boundaries, and they will thank you in the future.
- Take excellent care of yourself so you can be the best parent possible for your kids. If possible, start a business so you can have a flexible work schedule. Create the life of your dreams because now you can. Don’t let him/her continue to sabotage. Step into your power. Don’t be a victim, step into your power. Be your best self. Learn about parallel parenting, do it and do it with love. Encourage your kids to speak their truth. Listen. Don’t tell them how to handle their other parent. Trust again. Love life again because it’s a choice and you can make that choice.
This article has been excerpted from Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield. Author Tina Swithin provides advice on how to handle divorcing someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, basing her insight on her own personal experience with divorce. www.tinaswithin.com
All good ideas. How is the question for so many. I think understanding what a sociopath is and then reframing the events from their abnormal brain is a big help. When we see that it really wan’t a relationship – that it is a crime – we are more free to let go of the grief over the “man” or “woman”, and heal properly.
Absolutely true. Great article. Excellent advice.
When I read the title to this I just paused.. Not the ordinary, and the constant feeling of needing to protect anything and everything you have and love before its destroyed by this man. This man that are your 3 kids father. The hardest thing for me now at this point is staying firm with boundaries from him without it negatively affecting my kids. Knowing when to step in or when to allow them to handle things with him.
Words to live by. I value most highly the sage advice from Tina Swithin. Having daily support via her columns, books and media on this subject provide the necessary reminders to often get through a day co-parenting with a Narcissist. As the dust has not yet settled, I have learned to survive this and inspired to find my joy again, myself and inner strengths with what feels like Tina by my side. My advice, Don’t go it alone…