5 Things to Do When Going Through a Divorce with Children

By: Dean Edward Hines
: October 21, 2016

Divorce in today’s society is more of a norm than ever before. The causes of divorce are as many as there are couples willing to divorce. Most families face insurmountable difficulties, and those strong enough to get through the challenging times escape the compelling thoughts of having a divorce.

The ease of getting a divorce nowadays makes it a great option for the young families who have less interest in the cultural norms and restrictions on the divorce issues.

Inability to get along, irresponsibility in marriage due to substance abuse, lack of commitment, and the tight economy are some of the reasons claimed to be the main causes for divorce. Lack of money, for example, will directly lead to financial incompatibility where the key responsibilities and commitment to raising a family becomes a dream. A divorce, however, isn’t a crime; it is acceptable and legal only after a right procedural exercise. Being comfortable in a relationship doesn’t guarantee a long-life stable marriage. It’s more important to get used to the frequent difficulties that strikes more often so as to develop the forces and tricks to combat the effect.

A happy family is one that can still hold together, fight together, and focus on bringing the best of times even when things seem not to work out. If you were going through a challenging time in your marriage and decided to get a divorce, chances are, you did the best of your heart’s desires. The challenge is, you can still be facing more difficulties even when you are out of the relationship. This is more common with separated families that have children.

Children are the most important assets a married couple can own. Once a divorce is reached and negotiated by the two parties, children face the toughest of time trying to figure out the real deal. In case you are facing a divorce and children are involved in the process, worry less, because we’ve got your back.

5 Steps to Take When Divorcing with Children

1. Explain the matter

This is not an easy decision like letting go; you can’t just let your children go! It’s vital to try as much as possible to discuss the divorce issue with your children and explain to them what’s really happening in the slightest touch of sensitive ideas. This process by itself can be more stressful and challenging than signing a divorce document. The process of explaining the issue and giving suggestions to your children will help them see divorce in a better perspective. This reduces the painful feeling of being part of two separate families, loneliness, and lack of full parental affection. The interpretation should, however, be systematic, honest, and less sensitive to the kids.

2. Help them manage their feelings

Children will have some hard times living in the absence of that close affection from one of the parents. Having your kids express what they feel will help in making the best decisions that will influence their lives positively.

More than often, children will tend to blame one of the parents for messing up with the whole family, which might not be true. Here, a kind of mutual talk will fix this and let your children (of reasonable age) choose where to stay and proceed the rest of their lives.  The feeling will definitely be overwhelming for the children who received the idea without being part of the deciding parties. Let your children know that divorce isn’t a loss of a family member and that you are still united, but this time from a bit of distance.

Once your children have the right attitude towards divorce issue, they are able to see it as manageable. Their upkeep will, therefore, be efficient and successful.

3. Keep the bad off your kids

This involves taking the high road, keeping adult arguments and conflicts away from your children. This can either be the hardest thing to do in a divorce or one among the simplest. It all depends on the parents and level of affection they have for the children. 

A good parent will show the power of good even after a failed relationship. Kids are always fast and sensitive in picking up the conflict issues. They can read your affection and attitude faster than you can imagine. Avoid conflicts and negative talks, insults, and immature actions before your children.

4. Stick to the child custody arrangements

As a parent, don’t try and go against the law just to get your desires satisfied, because they won’t! Once the right legal processes have been followed, the divorce attorney and responsible legal body will decide on the child custody to be taken.

The whole process of reaching the custody agreement should be done in a sound and reasonable manner. Your emotional and personal considerations are way too important in the decision process.  Children’s decision-making and upkeep should be taken with keen interest. The court may decide on single parenting or shared responsibility.

In sole physical custody, the non-custodial parent will still have the right to visit the children and associate together. This will, however, be made possible through some scheduled visits except for non-avoidable circumstances, including when the child is sick, having a birthday, or a passage of life.

5. Seek help 

Once a divorce is passed, it’s more than obvious for one of the parents to leave the original residence. Bringing up children in this scenario can be challenging and needs some external forces to get things on track.

Support from relatives, religious members, and friends is quite important and will help you through the divorce period. Adjusting to the single-parent kind of lifestyle needs motivation and guidance so as to manage some of the life’s compelling forces, stress and hardship in raising children solely. Counseling and emotional guidance are important for every family going through a divorce. Children should be encouraged to have that positive outlook on both parents regardless of the situation.

Through organizations and relatives’ support, children can go through a mentorship program from those who have succeeded in a single-parent life due to divorce in their tender age. These five important tricks are all you need to get you started.