Looking for a new mate as a divorced person with children is tricky - especially if your children are important to you, which hopefully they are. Why is it tricky? Because it takes time and experience before you can know if someone is mate-worthy. At the same time, it’s not recommended to introduce your new friend to your kids until you think the relationship is serious enough to warrant that.
It’s also important for your kids and your new prospective partner to like each other or feel some inkling of rapport. If they have bad chemistry right from the start, it makes everything harder when it comes to creating a successful step family.
If you introduce a new person too early, you run the risk of your kids having to meet multiple dates – which could feel weird for your kids. If you introduce too late and you are thoroughly smitten to the point of being invested, and the vibe is bad with the kids (in either direction), it will be tempting to minimize the potential problems brewing.
So, you see, it can be tricky.
Kids don’t choose divorce: their parents do. Although some of you may not feel that you’ve chosen your situation, you must admit that you chose and created it more than your children did. Most of the time, kids don’t choose to have a stepparent. If you choose wisely, however, they may be grateful to you in the future for doing so.
Getting separated or divorced is generally a sad, destabilizing time for most people. Finding yourself alone and not being used to it, or longing for the intimacy that was lacking in your
Some people recommend writing a list of all the things that you’re looking for in a mate, which is a good idea. But don’t stop there: after you write a list of the qualities that you want in your next partner, write a list of the qualities that this ideal person would be looking for in their next partner. And then, cultivate those qualities in yourself. Here are seven qualities and things to look for in someone who is going to be a stepparent to your kids: