Dating After Divorce: Why You Should Never Limit Yourself to One Goal

By: Sheila Blagg
: November 01, 2016

So many singles in the dating scene develop a kind of tunnel vision, zeroing in on one—and only one—goal. For some people, that’s finding a “soul mate” to marry and spend the rest of their life with. For others, it’s simply having a series of flings or good times.


Understand that neither of these goals are inherently bad. In fact, I would argue that any goal is a valid and potentially good one (as long as it doesn’t involve hurting other people). The problem comes when you become too fixated on only one goal. That’s when you look for a “Happy Medium” between the two.


Dating after divorce should be treated as a massive experiment, designed to help you figure out what you like, what you don’t like, what you want, and what you don’t want. Consider dating someone who doesn’t meet all your preconceived “requirements” for a good date. Consider dating someone long-term if you’re used to short-term relationships, or vice versa.

How can you know exactly what you want if you haven’t tried everything? Similarly, how can you know if something is right if it’s the only thing you’ve ever tried?

Trying different venues can be a fun way of meeting a variety of new people, in a laid back atmosphere. For instance, speed dating, group dance lessons, and group cooking lessons are great options. Depending on the area you live in, there are meet-up groups for singles, divorced, or widowed individuals.

Online dating is another avenue to think of. This avenue allows you to move as fast or slow as you would like. Interact with several people from different locations at the same time. No commitment needed, just communication, when, how, and with whom you choose. 

Being single after years of marriage or long-term relationship will present new challenges. More than likely, you’re not the person you were when you were last single. It’s fine to have one central goal in your dating adventures, but instead of only focusing on that goal, try adding some other, peripheral goals into the mix. The more diverse, complementary goals you have, the better. For example, if your main goal is finding someone serious about entering a long-term relationship, add in another goal to have a few random, fun, one-time dates. It will make your life a lot more interesting and open you up to new kinds of romance.