January 15, 2007: The Clone Syndrome

Rumor has it that blonde bombshell Denise Richards intends to marry  Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora, the ex-husband of blonde  bombshell, and Denise's former friend, Heather Locklear.  I, for one,  will be waiting by my mailbox for an invitation to the wedding which  "friends of the couple" speculate will take place this summer in Italy.  It has been widely reported by the media that Richards' relationship with Sambora began before his separation from Heather, which has cast a bit of a negative light over this happy coupling.  But I'm afraid there may be still MORE negativity for them to contend with.  Not only did their relationship potentially begin much too quickly, but the pairing of these two may turn out to be less than ideal.

Richie Sambora may be unique when it comes to his musical talents,  but he is certainly not unique when it comes to the characteristics  he seeks in a romance partner.   Like most men who remarry, he has  chosen someone who seems nearly IDENTICAL in many ways to the woman  he just divorced.  Blonde? CHECK. Gorgeous. CHECK. Curvy? CHECK.  Actress? CHECK. Mother? CHECK.  I call this tendency "The Clone  Syndrome," when people just end up remarrying another version of  their ex.  As you might imagine, this can be dangerous and lead to  disastrous consequences, as it usually leads to the same dynamics  that doomed the previous marriage to failure in the first place.

It's no secret that even the most successful of first marriages take work.  But second (or later) marriages typically have many inherent additional challenges of their own, including:  difficult ex-spouses to contend with, stepchildren to parent, and challenging financial dynamics.  When someone chooses a subsequent spouse who is similar in  temperament (controlling, submissive, workaholic, non-committal,  etc.) to the previous spouse, it usually suggests that they have not  properly examined just what went wrong with their first marriage.    It is imperative to do this, with the help of a therapist if  necessary, in order to learn as much as you can from your past  relationship.

Will Richards and Sambora be the exception?  Only time will tell.   But if you happen to a real friend of Heather Locklear's (i.e. the  NON-husband stealing kind), I would suggest you advise HER to be mindful of The Clone Syndrome before she decides to walk down the aisle again, and perhaps she will have a better chance at happiness.

WENDY JAFFE, Esq. is the author of "The Divorce Lawyers' Guide to Staying Married."  You can get more of Jaffe's advice and hear a podcast interview at AOL.com, and you may also visit her website at divorcelawyersguide.com.

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