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Name: EditorDivorceMag   Title: What were the gifts from your marriage? Please share...

In the new issue of Divorce Magazine (and here on of the home page of our website), we've published an article by best-selling author Debbie Ford entitled “The Gifts of Marriage." In this article, excerpted from Debbie's book, "Spiritual Divorce," the author talks about the gifts your marriage may have given you.

If you're going through a divorce right now, the very idea may seem a bit radical! But Debbie believes that these "wedding gifts" have the power to heal us once we acknowledge and accept them.

In this spirit, we'd like to encourage you to think of some of the gifts you may have received from your former partner and your marriage and share them here in this forum.

With best wishes,

Jane Nahirny
Editor, Divorce Magazine

Name: older&wiser(26)

I learned so much form a painful process, I discovered my strengths and acknoledged my weaknesses. I married yong at 21. While I retained all of the "physical" stuff from our marriage, there was no way I'd let a whife beating adulterating husband have a single dish or CD. I learned how to become strong and self aware. I had made a life a good job as a CNA and a modest apartment. I had gotten us out of a bad situation, and I supose he felt "emasculated" or whatever, so he decided to have an affair, and as I became privy to it he became violent. That was my weakest point when I'd found her in my bedroom going thru my dresser. The silly "white dream wedding" inside me died. I learned the gift to finally be true to my being, I screamed because his betrayal and physical violence hurt me to the core. I walked away and I started the process of divorce, I learned to be patient and I learned not to grow hard or bitter(I almost did become hard and bitter), But a friend kept me sane and loved me thru the good days bad and the ugally. I rediscovered who I was, I started writting again, singing opera in the shower, and taking my beloved dog for long walks with my mother in the park. I also fell so helplessly in-love with someone who was my rock thru a very difficult divorce. That rock of a fella I don't know if I'd ever formally marry, there is a part of me almost 5 years later that is so scared to take vows. I tell SC every day that I love him and i never take him for granted. I also learned not to be so domesticly perffect(u know like bree on DesperateHW), all though the apt. has gotten a bit scarry and i think the kitchen needs my attention. I learned the best gift, finally to forgive the past and live for today and to be kind to tomarrow.

Name: KOFY

I really learned what true love is. What came with my wife was great in -laws . I understood there strengths and weaknesses and understood there intention is always good whatever the outcome.was Thats most important. I got a great sense of family ( good and bad) , traditons , and embraced the closeness and love. I have two great kids 6 and 2 and they are the glue . They are so different they make life excitng . I wish my wife would see things this way . Shes has everything ,great home, healthy kids, a loving faithful , honest, sincere, husband . So i have all these gifts to be thankful for . To my wife the few negatives outweigh the hundreds of positives .Some people are more positive and optimistic than others. it easier to just give up

Name: Irishgirlssss

only my children..........................
................................

I
guess the knowledge of alcoholism too

Name: queenonherthrone

My gifts from my marriage (of 16 years 13 of which were miserable) was my 3 kids.
God's grace in forgiving him and ALL his mistakes. And mine.
It was character building and I sure know what I won't do again

Name: ragnarok07

In December 2006, my wife left me after a heated argument over a missing debit
card. Despite repeated attempts at reconciliation, we are getting divorced,

I cannot report any gifts from my marriage. I am still in the process and am unable
to think objectively.

I did not want this divorce. Now, I look forward to a new, uncharted and potentially
dangerous future.

However, I do have some things which I call “gifts from my divorce”. Consider
them as the parting gifts from my marriage.

1. Sleep. I took for granted a good, non drug-induced night of rest. Never again.
2. Normalcy. My wife has a host of medical problems, not the least being
bipolar disorder. After years of attending to her illnesses, I will not have to deal
with her problems any more.
3. Family and friends. I forgot the importance of my family and friends. Without
them, I would not be able to survive the divorce process. Thank God for my
oldest sister!
4. Freedom. Although I am still scared at the prospect, I am also thrilled at being
independent for the first time in my life. All the decisions and the benefits or
consequences that occur because of them will be mine and mine alone. I will
be able to choose what I want, when I want it and because I want it.

“Free at last, free at last I thank God I'm free at last”

Name: cheeps New Member

Wedding gift...two step children

Name: chris6579

I was left after 11 years of marriage. I was (maybe still am) broken and hurt. But you know what the best part of divorce is realising that I am strong enough to do it alone. Why cant I? I chose not to fight the divorce settlement because i am strong enough to do it and take care of what needs to be taken care of. Women all over the world think they cant do it but we can, really we can we all have the inner strength. Makes me think of that song by Beyonce --- to the left all you own in the box too the left . Keep ur chin's up we can do it we really can

Name: almaserna

I had the privilege of having two beautiful daugthers in a loving home.
I had the privilege of people admiring what we both created.
I learned that the thruth hurts but a lie hurts more.
I learned to pray every night and asked for God's help
I had the privilege of having his family loved me so much
I learned to cry alone
to sleep alone
to manage my funds
to lean on me
I learned that loves dies
I learned that most people are unfaithful
I learned that you never know someone completely
I leanned to be by my self
I am still learning to accept
I am still learning to forgive

Name: querist

Four wonderful children.
The confidence to finish things.
The strength to know when it is time to say "enough".
The compassion to truly love my children and to make significant sacrifices for theire sakes.
Learning (unfortunately somewhat by a negative example) what it truly means to love and respect someone.

Respectfully sumbitted,
-Q

Name: Mika

Last summer, my ex-husband had a baby boy by his second wife. In the process of exchanging heart-felt congratulations with the father, a tangible healing took place between us, and I saw that healing has the power to change even my perception of the past. Suddenly, I began to see facets of it that I had never seen before. And understood that life is dynamic like this. Nothing is etched in stone . . . not even the past. It is comforting to know this . . . to know that we are all fallible and even our memories are fallible . . .and in this fluid state, there is always room for hope.

Name: Barrie

The treasures are my 2 children...the gifts of my marriage were being able to work at the relationship, having the ability to own my stuff and take the tools to be the best me possible.The gift of my marriage is that I have learned how to love myself and the importance of who I am.I have learned it's 100 %- 100 %,not 50-50...I have learned what love is...

Name: stella

No matter how bitter the divorce, everyone who reads this question should be able to answer wtih SOME gift they got from the marriage. Think about it, you once had a love together, right? That is a gift, even if it didn't last. My gift from my marriage? To find out that I could still be loved, no matter the mistakes I made, and my shortcomings. That was a gift from God.
Lookin' for love? Find it with the help from this cool website:
[url]http://www.findlove-keeplove.com[/url]

Name: FamilyForever

My huband came in one morning and dropped the D-bomb; it was a done deal, filed, ready to be served; I had no idea this was coming. As I stood/sat with my jaw on the ground, all I could say was "I love you enough to let you go." Little did I know I would find out about infidelity, be told by the attorney that an explanation was "irrelevant"; that our marriage of 22 years was done; our children over 18 did not 'count' in the support, etc. The biggest blessing I received was knowing in my heart of heart that "he was forgiven". I told him one day that I forgave him, that he was loved; he was free to go, even if I didn't agree, but above and beyond, he was forgiven. I don't know who got the most out of that, me or him. Probably me. I have never felt more compassion for a human being in my life. While I have had shattered dreams, watched my children stare in awe, anger and frustration as their "dad" erases them from his life, my heart just aches. What happened to our "forever"? That question may never be answered, but we have seen tender mercies in our life. As I struggle to come to grips with being single, "self-supporting" after being a stay-home mother for 22 years; I realize that I am stronger than I ever thought. For this I am grateful. I may not be tolerant of the so-and-so who stole my dreams, but that's another article I guess. My husband was the kindest, most thoughtful man ever. The only word I could use to describe him was "valiant". He was a wonderful companion, friend, father and son; unfortunately, his eyes were turned by another person. I don't see warm fuzzies happening with her any time soon, but on the other hand I know that in all my life, he never had to look away from me or my children until now. It isn't arrogance that I feel that "i was right' or better, but rather just total compassion and unconditional love. Agape. Nothing expected in return. This is both my gift to him and my gift to myself.

Name: mommy2bria

The best gifts I received in my short marriage were strength and courage. My ex was emotionally abusive and very controling - even over the small things. It took both courage and strength to leave and file for divorce (and then to follow through with it). Now, almost 2 years later, I still have that strength and courage in everything I do. He also gave me a beautiful daughter!

Name: marooned

My husband who was 9 yrs younger than I gave me a black cashmere fox collared long coat after I gave birth to our first child. He also gave me a amethyst ring with diamond border as a gift after the birth of our 2nd child.
I thought that was very nice.
I really loved him

Name: SFS

I was swept off my feet after 13 years of being divorced by a wonderful man that just rocked my world. He bought me a beautiful engagement and wedding band and then for Christmas he bought me diamond earrings.

We had a short marriage due to MAJOR issues than I was not aware of prior to marriage, we were married 10 before I had to leave. I gave up my retirement , job, family and basically my life for this man and now in divorce I am told be my attorney that my rings are considered assest and need to be given back. The rings mean nothing to me after what I went through but the value of them could help me start my life over.............

Name: Klibra1018

The gifts I got from my soon to be ex were a WONDERFUL family in his (of which I did not have when we met) and for a time a BEST FRIEND,

Name: raquel New Member

The gifts that I got from my ex-husband were my two wonderful boys. We went through a horrible court battle for 3 years with a Guardian ad-Litem, and horrible treatment of eachother. Now we are able to talk on the phone, and be flexible with eachother. A gift I NEVER thought I would get from him...... flexibility!!