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Name: nicurn New Member  
Title: sex with soon to be ex
my husband and I have just decided to go through with divorce. We have been married for 15 years. We have a long history together. I dated him since I was 19 and now I'm 36. Although we got along really well and people who knew us thought we're happy, but we have been lacking the emotional component in this marriage. Now going through the divorce, our feelings our mutual. Can anybody help give me some insight as to continuing the sexual relationship with him? We're still living under the same roof together until after our daughter completes this school year. I told him we can still continue this sexual relationship even after we're physically separated until someone else enters our life then it'll be a mutual respect to let the other person know. I feel as though it's not right, but it's a safe way for me to have sex. I mean I don't have worry about STDs. I told him it'll be physical only. I'm all done being emotional with him. Is this a good idea?

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Name: CIriza2944 Member
This is not a good idea. You will both get very confused with each other and you are both setting yourselves up for a world of guilt.

I do believe that if you are headed for divorce and living in the same household, you should at least separate intimately as well. It gives you both space to think clearly.

I know because I was in your situation many years ago and this was not good for me. I had to break off the intimacy. My husband felt that he still had a chance. I only became more confused and angry with myself. So I stopped and I was able to move on.


I hope this helps.

Riza
Name: eestet
Boy, this is a tough one. I couldn't do it because I think it will be harder to let him go.
It's easy to have sex with someone if you know there is no commitment.
As tough as it is, I would say you both should abstain from sex and get through your divorce.
Name: tlynn
This is in response to wastchmama. It is so good to find someone who has the same beliefs as I. I also feel that if there is still an emotional connection and physical then why not try both have to try and if you are still having sex with your ex keep others out of the mess until you are sure you can stop that relationship it is not fair to bring someone else into it. I have been playing the game for a while and I still love him I don't know If I should just keep waiting for him to decide to make acommitment to try or somehow try to find a way to stop it
Name: ffmedic29
My wife and I have been living apart for the last five months and the first few weeks were horrible, but since then she has had some kind of epiphany and desires me more than ever. And of course being a guy and her being by far the best lover I have ever had I give into her everytime. The problem is afterwards everything returns to "normal" and I am the one who gets hurt the worst, but for those few minutes everything is wonderful so I do it. Guess what I am saying is you gotta do what your comfortable with and can live with the rest of your life. Good luck
Name: Father Fighting Back
This is a terrible idea and is a recipe for disaster. As soon you get a Lawyer and start filing a Seperation Agreement and request money from your spouce the Sex will stop forever or just book your appearance in advance for The Jerry Springer Show.
Name: lightcap
Well, then--if someone gets a laugh out of it, then it wasn't in vain!
Name: bhappy
caudill864

Thats sad but funny! But maybe that kinda helps you with the healing process. thanks for making me LOL.
Name: lightcap
Funny. After many years of coolness toward me, my wife brought up divorce last autumn. We had both been faithful, but we were miserable...the relationship was definitely over. So, I didn't argue with her at all. Then, suddenly, she discovered this monstrous libido that had been in hiding for years, and we were having the best sex of our 16 years together! We were still planning on divorce. Maybe the sex was great because it was removed from the muck of our marriage. It confused me a bit, but I wasn't gonna argue against this, either. I just went with it until, as suddenly as before, she cooled off. After a few days, she finally admitted she was having a fling. And, I'll tell ya, even though the marriage was definitely over, in my mind, and I was looking forward to moving on and "getting my life back", it HURT for a while. So, that was the way our sex life ended (not with a whimper, but a bang). The first guy dumped her, and now she's found another. It doesn't bother me anymore--we've been separated for six peaceful months--and I suppose it was nice to find out after so many years of sexual drought that she actually was capable of passion.... But all this is to say: enjoy it, but brace yourself for the ending. Good luck.
Name: cynmab
This is very personal to each marriage-I and my ex have been in the divorce process for 5mos after 26yrs of marriage-he was spending a couple days a week with me and was being very loving and sexual-i just found out it was a way for him to manipulate me and avoid discussing our real situation so i ended it-for me it is the right thing although a very sad and hard thing-he now does not give me any assist with money or call and talk about our business and is abusive verbally-make certain sex is for the same reasons for you both or it can be unfair to one of you
Name: ragnarok07
I must be very old-fashioned but this is very strange to me.

From what was said, the only separation is emotional? There is no physical, financial or sexual separation? Is this even possible?

I wish that my soon-to-be ex-wife was this accommodating.
Name: unhappy36..
I guess it depends on if you can truly have sex with "no strings attached",if you can seperate the physical from the emotional. I am seperated, but not divorced from my husband of 8 years, and we occasionally have sex, but he feels guilty afterwards, because he doesnt want to give me false hope that we will get back together.I f neither of you is attached to anyone else and it works for you, i dont see as it can do any harm,and you may relite the sparks that went out, but if not, then atleast your both still having fun i guess..
Name: wasatchmama New Member
If neither of you are seeing anyone else, why not try to make the most of your marriage? You will find that getting into another relationship, you both will fall into the same emotionless trap unless you learn to deal with your issues. Have you done EVERYTHING possilbe to help strengthen your marriage? If you're still physically attracted to one another, there must be some emotional connection. Do you really want to be divorced? If you are still living under the same roof, it sounds like neither of you are truly ready for divorce, your daughter is a convenient way to drag it out -- which isn't a bad thing. . . I know what you're going through, as I've been there. Unless he is physically abusive, I think you should try everything in your power to keep your marriage together for as long as possilbe -- Not only for you and your husband, but especially for your daughter's sake. But not just "together", but satisfying and happy. Try Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis. It's an amazing philosophy and VERY effective.
Name: caudill864 New Member
If both you can keep it in perspective...meaning that you both understand that it is purely physical...I say, go for it! My soon to be ex-wife and I have begun hooking up and it is great. The only weird thing is she is currently in another relationship. This is the guy that she left me for. Funny, huh? So not only is it great sex, it's kinda like sweet revenge that I am helping her to cheat on him. She has some remorse but apparently not enough to stop. Plus our sexual liasons have been very wild and uninhibited. It's like sex was before we got married! I definately use protection though. And you should too. You don't want to get pregnant or get something from him. You don't know for sure that he isn't having sex with someone else.
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