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Name: away New Member   Title: Trust and promises

My wife called one day and reminded me of discussions we had years earlier. I had recently had a not so serious bout with bladder cancer and had not been living up to my maritial duties. She asked if I would object to outside help. I did remember the discussion and conditions being what they were, I consented. She is much younger than I am by 20 yrs and I certainly understood. My only requirement was to be involved enough to insure her safety and reputation. There is NO way to say or justify this activity and I knew it. I had some guilt for not providing and I hoped this would pass and also did not want to lose her. I felt I could deal with the emotional impact. Well, I discovered that she had already granted herself permission. I decided to just overlook it. Things progressed and soon became an obsession that dominated her life. Online interviewing and setting up meetings. I took her places and waited for her and took her back home. I will say that I have never cheated on her, never had the desire, then or now. To my knowledge, I have never kept anything from her or lied to her. Things progressed to the point that counseling was needed. She agreed that we would do things the Christian way and stop all the activity. She explained it was an all or nothing situation and I was included. OK so I went along with that. Financial discoveries surfaced and a terrible amount of credit card debt came into the picture. She tried a suicide attempt and when she was released, her first action was an attempt to obtain a domestic violence order. She has since emptied the house and performed numerous acts to make things difficult up to and including impacting my security clearance to make it impossible to work. The question is.....I have lots of documentation that would really cause permanent damage. She knows this and also knows that I had kept some of it for my own use to verify things she said I promised. I also promised I would never use any of it to cause harm or problems. My feeling is that a promise is something I have to keep regardless of any action she may be doing. This promise is going to ruin me simply because I will not use it to defend myself. People around me are abandoning right and left for being stupid but I have my convictions. I still love her but there is no way I would ever reconcile with her, Why destroy two lives whatever the justification. Waiting to discover how many people think I'm crazy

Name: Christine, CRC, CPC New Member

Let me ask you this then . . . what do you want? What is it that you are looking for out of this situation and for yourself?

Name: away New Member

Answer to Christine......This the only way I know how to respond to you. I feel sure something is mentally upset. Given that, "in sickness and in health" means just that to me. I have given it over to God since this is so big no one could handle it. I know there are things I have to do. I am trying to make sure that no evil influence is present when I do things. I still will not do things to damage her reputation. Her kids are the most important thing to her and some of the stuff would definitely destroy her image with them. This I cannot do. They have always disliked me blaming me for divorce in her first marriage. I even paid for 2 years of college at around 20k a year and don't feel that anything is owed to me. There is no answer accept I hope I'm following God's plan and if I deserve it, it will come out OK

Name: Christine, CRC, CPC New Member

I do not think you are crazy. I hear that promises and agreements are very sacred to you even if and when someone else does no honor theirs. I only have one question: what about an unspoken promise that you hopefully have with yourself to respect and honor yourself. There comes a time when putting yourself first is ok.