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Name: Klc0123 New Member  
Title: Need help with husband resisting divorce
Hi, I am new to this site and really looking for some help. I am currently separated from my husband of 11 years and most likely will pursue divorce. My husband has a long history of mental illness and poor coping skills, and I just cant take care of him anymore. He absolutely does not want a divorce and swears he will stay on his medication and be a changed man. Not only do I not believe him, but I am burnt out.My central concern is our children and the affect this is having on them. Initially when we separated, my husband was in the hospital and it was easy to explain that Daddy was sick and needs to get better. Now, two months later they want to know why daddy cant come home now that he is "all better."My kids are 6 and 3, and my husband does not do a good job of communicating with them in an age appropriate way. My 3 year old is really too young to know what is going on, but my 6 year old is terribly hurt and confused. My husband tells her that he wants to come home but MOMMY wont let him, and that she should pray to God that Mommy changes her mind. This is killing my child (and me) and affecting her moods, her school behavior and her development.Any advice??? According to my husband he is only telling the kids "the truth" and if I cared about them I would take him back for their sake. I feel just the opposite and that if he cared about them hed put their feelings before his.Thanks for any advice - I really need it.

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Name: Tterid Member
Paz and Changed,I think our ex's were triplets!Once you do get over the guilt trips and put it back square on their shoulders, it's amazing how much easier living is.t
Name: paz Member
Changed - there's NOTHING you can do. YOU made him unhappy and suicidal????? Are you kidding me? I know you don't believe that now, and I hope you never bought into that guilt-trip. But it sounds like your ex is like my my STBX, refusing to take responsibility for his own anything - his happiness, his behavior, his money, his spending, his anger, etc.
Name: Changed Member
I don't know if my ex was "cured" as he claims but we went through YEARS of suicidal behavior and resistance to any medication or treatment. My ex is a BRILLIANT actor, as well. Although we have diagnosis from Pych Dr's, the judge granted joint custody and my ex sees his kids nearly every day. I'm not saying I don't want the kids to have their dad in their lives, BUT I DO want a healthy dad for them.You just can't cure a mentally unstable person as a spouse. My ex used to say to me all the time, "Its your fault I'm unhappy & suicidal. Just make me happy." If they cannot take responsibility for their own well being mentally, and refuse to take meds, see the dr., what choice do you have?------------------ A woman is like a tea bag--only in hot water do you realize how strong she is.--Nancy Reagan
Name: kerrylj New Member
My STBXH has been diagnosed with ADHD, derpression and probably temporal lobe seizures. He is and has been emotionally, verbally and physically abusive to me and my 2 boys 9 and 12 yrs old.After I left him the last time I returned only because he would receive help. The psychiatrist worked with him for almost 5 yrs. This Dr finally told me to leave because he was not going to get better. I didn't leave then but I left after he cheated on me about 8 months later.I am telling you this because I know the mental and emotional toll being married to mentally ill person. I am possitive that my STBXH has a further diagnosis. I could not live like that any more. It was destroying me and the children. He moved out 22 months ago. It has been rock but we are all slowly recovering. I do not regret getting them away from him. I was given sole custody after he was investigated but children's services. The children still see him and he often acts inappropriate with them. They are slowly seeing what kind of person their father is. Get support for yourself in all this. There is no real rush to divorce but do what you need to do to protect yourself and the children.Take care
Name: Klc0123 New Member
Kerry - thanks for sharing your story... It helps to hear that what I am going through isnt totally unique. I am sorry for what you and your kids have had to go through. I know for me its just really sad... at the bottom of my heart I DO NOT want my kids to hate their father, that is a terrible thing, and its really hard for me to separate my own feelings from the feelings the kids have for their dad. Good luck to you and thanks for the encouragement
Name: Changed Member
Does he have a certified medical diagnosis for this behavior?------------------ A woman is like a tea bag--only in hot water do you realize how strong she is.--Nancy Reagan
Name: Klc0123 New Member
Thanks for the quick responses... as far as the "Is it worth it" question goes - I have to say yes after two months of soul searching. His behavior in the house is only marginally better than behavior outside it. Before the separation there was fighting, suicide threats, crying - all witnessed by my 6 year old.She is already seeing a child specialist and its really helped, I am still scared though and dont think taking her father back solves any problems.
Name: Klc0123 New Member
Well - at first he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder but then it was changed to depression and anxiety disorder. Either way its been years of off and on medication and verbal and emotional abuse. Not to mention extreme self absorption and immaturity.
Name: Changed Member
Before you throw in the towel and determine the grass is greener elsewhwere, take his current behavior and imagine stretching that over the remainder of your kids childhood. Divorcing him does not eliminate him from your life. He is still the kids father so expect his behavior to get worse, rather than better, at least for a while. Is it worth it?------------------ A woman is like a tea bag--only in hot water do you realize how strong she is.--Nancy Reagan
Name: Oriel Member
Hey Kic,Get those kids into couselling now! My daughter has the same problem and it totally messed up her son (he was arrested and handcuffed at the age of 9 and I had to trael to the US and take him away), and her daughter (she swallowed a bunch of assorted pills and I had to travel again and take her back to Jamaica too). I got them into therapy and that together with the minute to minute grandparenting straightened them out. She eventually joined them and all is well now.You can't blame your sbtx, I guess, he needs help himself. But don't take it lightly, please, I almost lost my grandchildren that way. They suffer more than we can see. GET HELP.....PROFESSIONAL HELP, FOR THEM, TO SEE THEM THROUGH THIS.Love and prayers. Oriel
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