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Name: new2this New Member   Title: Ex wife; kids and my boyfriend

Ok, so I am now living with my boyfriend who I had actually met in high school 20 years ago. We were close then....so, we lost touch. We both divorced a couple of years ago and we are currently together.
He has 4 children, I have 3...
His and my oldest are in their 20's no problem there.
His daughter is 17 and really don't have an issue with her or her mother.
Now, I have a couple of teen and they are split between their dad and I and we have an awesome co-parenting relationship. I don't call or text unless I need to and same with him.
My boyfriend on the other hand...the mother to the 6 yr old and I get along okay. She respects the fact that I am in the relationship and has told their son he is to listen and to respect me and I have every right to discipline him. The mother to the 5 year old and his ex-wife...God help me is impossible...
At first I tried to be nice and help her out because I know what is like to be a single mom. I had lost my job (another story) and went back to school full time and when I had time off I would help her out by taking care of the boy. Well, it got to the point she was taking advantage and simply wanted me to watch him so she can have a day off...and I found out she didn't go to work...ugh! I said enough, I quit helping. She has done so many irresponsible things I don't have all night to write it down...but here is a couple. She left her son in the car while she went shopping and she left her son with a child a couple years older home alone so she and her friend could go out. Neither one could wait for the babysitter to show up...REALLY!!!
So, she gets her son a cellphone, he's how old uh yeah 5. None of my business...I just figure okay the phone calls to my boyfriend would stop. If the child doesn't answer his phone she calls my boyfriend wanting to know why he is not answering.
One day, here is the kicker...she came over to confront me about an issue the night before because she was calling continuously, my b/f hands me the phone and I told her we were gonna call the cops for harassment. She comes over the next day and I let her have it. I have been a mother a lot longer than her and my children are well behaved and straight "A" students. Well, by the time I was done she was practically crying. I told my boyfriend I was running to the store. When I got back she was still there and asked him back, mind you we live together.
Ok, so current situation. She calls and texts everyday...it is irritating. She finds reasons to come to the house or just see my boyfriend. she drive 20 miles to drop off a toy the child left at her house and he wants. The other day I sent her a text telling her I would be meeting her with the child. My boyfriend had a migraine. I avoid giving her details. I heard his phone ring...he didn't answer and I just text her telling her she had no need to call him.
Instead of calling to meet with me she drove to the house to pick up the child. My guess was to hope to see my boyfriend. I made her wait outside as the child retrieved all of his stuff to take.
She has contacted my boyfriend to pick up the child because she didn't think she could make it on time to daycare on her day...low and behold if she wasn't at the house 30 minutes later. I think she just wanted to see him!
Now this child is a picky eater and very spoiled...now, if it is me and him he is well behaved....dad shows up and he shows his butt. The other day I cooked something he always eats...he said he didn't want it...OMG, I was almost livid when I heard his dad offer to make him something else. His dad tried to tell me he doesn't like this meal very much...I turned, looked at him and said "really" he has always eaten it. Now mind you on this day we had my kids and his 6 year old as well as the 5 year old. I know he spoils the 5 year old because he is the apple of his eye and he was around when he was born. Mom would go party and he would babysit.
I have tried to tell him he has to be consistent and he can't allow him to be bratty. I keep saying "not my problem" but if I cook...you better eat!...ok...
needless to say...I know I am rambling but I am hoping if I let all this out someone can just either tell me I am a nut or I am right.
He is wanting to get married...he mentioned he had intention of getting me a ring but we had some house repairs and the money saved was spent... I was kind of relieved...don't think I am ready for that step till he sets boundries with psycho ex.
Help...how do I get him to set them? How do I approach it?