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Name: norah Member  
Title: Does the betrayal ever stop hurting?
Happy Memorial Day everyone. I'm knowing the meaning of the day, but also taking it further to a memorial day for marriages that went where they went. Does it ever stop hurting, I know it get better with time, just wondering if you ever get past that feeling of the betrayal of that person you married with such love for the rest of your life? How totally sad is that? That they went and did whatever they did that brought you where you are now with the love you once shared with them. Out of nowhere today it just hit me once again, right up side the head, this is not what I ever envisioned, not in my wildest dreams. But here it is, right up close and way to personal. I know I have to accept what is for what is and I'm doing the best I can. No elevators out of the hurt, I know that. I'm just so tired of being broadsided with this emotion that leads me to tears when I just have been thinking I'm done with crying. I just loved so much and had this vision of our lives together and now, there is nothing but broken dreams and empty promises and never even an I'm sorry. Just cold caluculated comments, maybe that's it that hurts so much, knowing the emotions I'm going thru and not getting any back with any remorse. Just done, like yesterdays garbage. How can a person be that way, I don't understand. Thanks for listening anyway, I know there are no answers, I feel I'll never ever understand the reasons why. Better I cry and vent here then once again trying to approach the unapproachable, there is no rejection.

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Name: Rochellye Member
Apple,sounds like a good plan. Just seems so hard to do. Well I think I am still in denial and hope to wake up on morning and everything is like it was. I wish it wouldn't bother me what he does and I could stay with him. But it makes me unhappy and really not a good person. I can't remember the last time I woke up and felt happy. I have to push myself so hard to eat (if I loose more it can get dangerous). I am back to work out and that's where I can vent. That's a time I forget to think especially if you choose some Tai Chi as well. I wish you the best and I totally understand how you feel. Hugs and keep posting.RO
Name: AppleGrannie Member
Norah, I know exactly how you feel. Even after my mother passed away earlier this month, part of me still expected the "I'm sorry" and I would wake up to find this whole thing was just a nightmare and everything would be better. It's amazing how you think you know someone and love them with all of your heart and that same person can rip your world apart with what appears to be with no second thought. Looking back at everything I have been through seems to have been for a reason. I really believe now there is a higher purpose for my life, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Some days I'm in limbo land and other days I move forward. I really do try to focus on "what is" and not on "what was". And I try to not focus on the "why's" but the fact that this is the way it is and I will do more than survive, I will live truly live my life.
Name: Rochellye Member
Norah,thanks for your good wishes. It's a shame how they treat us. It's a financial thing right now and the moving out is soon. I move so I begin a real new life. Since I decided for myself "Do I really want this man any longer?" I had to say no. The love is still somewhere there but that's when you think about the good things you had. I know he has a good character and "only" this addiction. I waited long enough and recall that he rather hurt me than stopping to do it. Would he do this if he really loves me? Or is it just convinient to have a working wife, no kids and a housemaid. And when feel like sex then get that easy too. So why should he change...he has all. He always threaten he wants divorce...this time he did 1 time to often. I am sure he still thinks I will beg again but I already look for apartments :-).You are welcome to send me an email. I can truly understand how you feel. I am okay during the day but the evenings sometimes hard to take. Wine Cooler helps me to fall asleep ;-) Take good care...best of luck..and keep us updated. Hugs
Name: Rochellye Member
It really stinks. I am asking very often "Why?" And I am sure the person which hurt us don't think about it and just moves on with his/her life. All my dreams are shattered and thinking of ever give my trust away and love again won't happen. Especially since I believe there is one Soulmate and I found it. I think it had been better never to know "love." But I know one thing: I will go thru this and so will you too. If he could do this to me he doesn't deserve my love or my anger and for sure not worth to hate. I write letters and emails with telling him everything he ever did wrong and hurted me. Of course I am not sending them. After you send yourself a response with all what he never said to you incl. I am sorry. And the last letter you will send is a goodbye letter also to you not to him and close the "case." Try it...it helped me alot so far even I still live with him but it's sure that we will separate soon. Don't let them break us. Good luck and God bless.
Name: norah Member
Thanks everyone, I've done the letter writing, emails etc., some I've sent, most I haven't, and the response has always been the same, nothing, except when can he get the rest of his "stuff". I think you're right, we'll never understand why, guess it's not our days to know. You're right also about them not deserving our love or our anger and hate. Think it's getting past the anger that will take the longest time, the love I remember doesn't exist anymore and never will again with the person he's become. I would never want him back in my life for there is no trust left, he took that all away. Not sure if I'll ever be able to make that connection again with anyone knowing what I know now. Rather spend the rest of my life alone then subject myself to the possibility of further pain. Don't know Ro how you can still live with someone like you are. I wish you strength as you move forward with your life. I pray God will guide us all during these trials in our lifes.
Name: njh Member
For me, the pain of rejection goes on. I am better most days and much better than I was a year ago, but when I have time to stop and think, I am sad. I try my best to keep busy all the time. Most of the time I work, since I have been left with all the bills and repairs. I have to have an extra income to fulfill everyday expenses let alone repairs. The pain you are feeling is real and reasonable. All I can suggest is to keep yourself as busy as possible. You will make it through this time. There is a plan for your life and mine. God does make a way when there seems to be no way.
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