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Name: wolfamine New Member   Title: Divorce or Get Back Together - In limbo

Has anyone else been in this position? I have been married 24 years to a very controlling women. We have had marital problems since day 1 and have been to numerous marriage counselors with no success.

I left the house last year, but returned. We had 2 weeks of bliss and then the problems were back. Three months ago I left again because the house was a war-zone.

I have read numerous books and tried to appeal to my wife that we need radical change! She agrees, but is too defensive to do any self-evaluation. All the issues related to the failed marriage are mine according to her!

I am now in a state of limbo...do we divorce or do I suck it up and go home? The book from Mira Kirshenbaum...Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay suggests without question that I should leave (based on my wife's control and communication issues). I feel bad that I would be breaking up the family unit (I have 2 kids aged 20 and 18).

Has anyone else been through this? Any advice? Thx in advance!

Name: AB Div Fin New Member

I am a divorce professional and have found that in almost every case where people read Mira's book, the answer is almost always the right way to proceed. Take my word for it, living in a war zone will likely do more damage to your kids than spending time in 2 different homes with 2 parents more at peace with things.
check me out at www.albertadivorcefinances.com

Name: intex7 New Member

You are not the one breaking up the family. Your wife has been breaking up the family for the duration of your marriage. If your kids live with you, you need to show them an example of who not ot marry or date. It's okay for your kids to see you make an adult decision and reasons following that. At least in the divorce you wont have to worry about custody, but also look up the law in your state about spousal support since she might try to get it out of you if she is eligible. Talk to your lawyer also about if she is eligible for any of your retirement. Just be prepared for your divorce so you can do it as painless as possible. If she is controlling like you say she is be prepared for one hell of a battle. Hope this helps. Get out of there.

Name: bpd New Member

I too have an an immensely defensive wife that during our initial divorce chose to falsely accuse me of domestic violence. I believe she has borderline personality disorder. I'm always responsible for every issue we have, she never recognizes her contributions to our problems.

Name: Billy New Member

You guys are too old to change. Your kids are legal adults, you did your job. Cowboy up and get the hell out of there.

Name: madalex Member

From your description, it is pretty clear that your wife is never going to change or (more importantly) take responsibility for her own actions. As long as she blames everything on you, the situation is not going to improve. Your kids are old enough that this is unlikely to have a traumatic effect on them (in fact, they may welcome a split versus living in the war zone you describe). Only you can decide what to do, but it sounds like you have given it your best shot and it may be time to move on.