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Name: Shan27   Title: Coping with Ex Wife.

I am new to this forum and I am truly hoping to find some advice here. I have been divorced now for two years and my boyfriends as well. I have two children who are 7 and 5, my boyfriend has a child also who is 8. We moved into together in January of this year and we truly love eachother and our children. I am friends with my ex husband and my boyfriend is as well. But, my boyfriends' ex wife is completely off her rocker. I don't know what to do about any of it. The ex wife has visitation M-F from school recess to 6pm. NO WEEKENDS. No overnights either or extra unless it is mutally agreed upon. My boyfriends is the custodial parent and his ex wife has three other children from two other relationships, and those children all live with their father's also. Back in December of 2006 his ex started enfocing her own visitation schedule because I was in the picture. Mind you, that his ex is now remarried for the third time. She remarried a month after their divorce. Anyway, She is also Bi-polar and has a border line personality disorder. She has told her daughter not to like me or my children and that everything we do is wrong. If I even show My boyfriend any affection his daughter thinks it's wrong. His ex wife has called DCF on us stating that we are threatening and causing harm to her daughter. The case was closed because there was no finding of such accusations. This woman takes everything this little girls says and puts her own twist to it and she is probing her for information. This woman has also called DCF last year on her ex husband for the same accusations, saying he is sleeping naked with his daughter, watching inappropriate things with her etc... She does this everytime she takes him back to court. They are now currently in another court battle. She keeps trying to get custody of her daughter and uses lies to tyr and show substantial change. She has even called the police on me saying that I have threatened her and swear at her daughter on her property when I never set foot on her property. So I am caught in the middle of this and don't know how to handle it. As of right now the judge has ordered a court evaluator for their situation. She has made my boyfriend out to be some kind of violent monster and none of it is true. She is narccistic and I have talked to police about her and they tell me to stay out of it. I never was in it, she put me in the middle. She follows us with a video camera, harasses my boyfriend with emails wanting more visitaion when it clearly states that she is not to do that unless mutually agreed upon. I can't believe the judge doesn't see right through this woman. In the past she had filed false protections of order to gain control of her ex's and her children, but then turned around and gave the kids up to these supposively dangerous men. I am at an awe that an evaluator was even appointed. She is a great story teller, and I'll give her that much but a parent, hell no. She has no clue how to do that. She is more of friend to her daughter than a mother. I need some advice on how to handle this ex wife of his. He can't even be a parent and set down rules and boundaries because his ex will convice his daughter that he is mean. She is even right now as I speak, tyring to convice her daughter that she is afraid of her father. Definitely not true, that little girl speaks her mind loud and clear and is not afraid of her father. My boyfriend is so sick to his stomach because he thinks the judge is going to rule in her favor. This woman has told this judge that we lock our bathroom doors and our children out of our bedroom. Well no kidding, of course we do, I don't want our children walking in on anyone when they are in the bathroom or for instance when we are being intimate with one another we lock our bedroom door after the kids are in bed. It's ridiculous what we have to put up with. I can't figure out why this woman is doing this. I'd love to give her a piece of my mind but I know it wouldn't help. She uses the system by telling ties to ruin lives. How can I help put an end to this bull crap? It's childish, selfish, and terrible that this child is in the middle of this.

Name: gwin New Member

I'm mortified by how common of a story yours is. I have lived it, twice, I have friends who live it, and I've read countless online posts. Same story just different characters. Even when I question myself "am I sure I'm doing everything I can to improve this situation" I can look to my wonderful smart caring loving friends in the same situation and know that they do not do anything to deserve this treatment. I just wanted to say kudos to you...you are still being constructive and your ability to communicate clearly as to what your bf's ex is doing is crucial to keeping your sanity...and hopefully some day finding the peace (and justice) your new family deserves. If I can give you any advice, finding things that are just about you, your bf, and your own children and focusing on quality time when you have his daughter (and not letting the ex interfere in that time (have strong boundaries)) truly helps to improve the family's quality of life (the ex's intent is to make sure you do not accomplish this). Take care!

Name: Shan27

Thanks for the advice. I know that we are not married yet and I basically have no power over anything and his ex had thrown that in my face once before. Ever since I came into the picture she has tried to cause problems. She consistently uses his daughter as a tool against her father and it's sick. I have two of my own and I don't interfere with their relationship with their dad at all. I let them be their own persons, and eventually they'll see him for who he is and I hope my bf daughter is smart enough when she gets older to realize what happened. However I do ignore his ex, as much as possible. But although our kids go to the same school so I see her everyday of the week. I know that alone gets to her. She can't stand seeing me. She never once said two words to me, not once to get to know me. She makes up stories the whole nine yards and I am not even there when she lies about half the crap she talks to.

Name: SeaKev

Thanks for replying my other post. I wish my wife can read this to see how lucky she is. Lucky for me and her, my ex-wife didn't give us any problems at all. I'm not sure how far you can go with your bf but he is so lucky to have you. Other might be long gone. I'm sorry that you got in the middle of this but I don't think you can change anything since you can't change your bf ex nor have any power (since you are not married to your bf yet). Just like me, your bf was unlucky or unwise to be involved with such a person. But we can't change the past. For him, he has to be extremely careful to avoid false accuzations and avoid contact as much as possible. He just have to be firmed and a good father. His daughter will eventually see thru this. Children have the mind of their own no matter how other try to manipulate them. It might work for a short while but it won't last. You just have to ignore his ex and be a good friend to your bf and his kid. Good luck.