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Name: rollercoaster Member  
Title: The "other woman" with MY kids!
My divorce has only been final for 6 months and my ex just remarried the woman he had an affair with. During our 18 month separation, he hardly saw the children, even tho he lived very close by. Now that he has remarried, he is insisting on his visitation rights and tries to keep the kids longer than is scheduled. He just had them for a week and instead of devoting time to rebuilding a relationship with them (boys 12 and 7), he goes to work and leaves the kids with the new wife whom the kids say they can't stand. She's driving my kids around town and I'm 3 miles away missing them like crazy!!! When I complain to my ex, he says "it's none of your business what the kids do when they're with me." They have totally different values than me, big partiers and loose discipline. I worry about the kids so much and feel enraged that some other woman is hanging out with my children!! I feel like I'm the one being punished and HE walked out on US - the kids and me. And SHE was sleeping with my husband while he was still living at home!!My hands are tied - I have to let the kids spend time with their father. The feelings are just SO overwhelming! Still so angry with him, can't stand the sight of her, and feel SO mad that I have to share my sweet boys with those losers!! I keep all this in in front of the kids, but it's eating me up inside. HELP! Does it ever get easier? Anyone had these feelings???

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Name: ameritrustlawgroup New Member
Dealing with the upbringing of your kids can be a very tough issue to deal with.
Name: Harmandamadeus New Member
My Name is Harmand Amadeus from California. I am here to give testimony on how got my wife back. My wife left me for no reason 3 years ago. She moved out with another man, i felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good and does not even charge for his services, he said he gave him some lucky numbers that he played in a lottery and he won. I didn't believe it because I've worked with so many of them and it didn't work. He begged me further so i decided to try this great spell caster called DR. OTIAGBE and i contacted him via his email: {Otiagbe@yahoo.com}. I still didn't believe. I used the spell he gave me and the next day i received a call from my darling wife called Rugina last month. She apologized and came back to me. I'm very happy now. Thank you DR. OTIAGBE, You can reach him via email: {Otiagbe@yahoo.com}
Name: sophy8 New Member
Hello I am Sophia Andres , I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i met the website of Dr Ikuku
http://ultimatesolutioncenter.webs.com the great messenger to the oracle how my ex love left me and also how i needed to that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr Ikuku about a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 12 hours,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for an interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr Ikuku at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: ultimatesolutioncenter@gmail.com or call him on +2348104181322 and get your problems solved like me..... ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: ultimatesolutioncenter@gmail.com or contact him through his website at http://ultimatesolutioncenter.webs.com. he is real and very powerful to help.
Dr Ikuku Mobile Number: +2348104181322
Email: ultimatesolutioncenter@gmail.com
Name: Nadezhdavy
I have been reading about spell casting and its powers for a while but i never thought or it never occurred to me or i rather say that it happened that i never got myself in any situation that will make need the help of a spell caster.I read a lot of testimony on the internet on web pages, blog, and some on the Facebook page of some web site i linked with my Facebook with.I was more concerned about a certain spell caster MUTTON OSUN. That his name kept appearing on almost every comment form different individual claiming he has helped them a great deal in spell casting of all kind but mostly relationship problem that is from divorced man and women to lost love and cheating wife and husband was like don't even know the word to use.All of them had just one thing in common that he help then resolved their problem that even therapist could not solve i guess the problem was passed the place where talking was not doing any good at all.But some how i believed them and their story cos the testimony were just too real and were from different people.I just enjoyed reading how he help those people and asking myself how possible it was that this spell caster could do all this with no effect of what so ever.Year they said his spell had no negative effect on the person who asked the spell to be casted and the person the spell is casted upon.I just wanted to know how it worked so i tried it and now i am among those writing this to tell those like me reading that this MUTTON guy is real.I am a single 32 years old mom of two two girls.I have always had a thing for this guy or i would say i liked this guy but he was kind of a mess cos of the lost of his wife.Like he had nothing to leave for any more.He never came out of this house and even went he did he doesn't talk to anybody even i tried ti make a conversation he just smile so he doesn't look cruel and then walk away.At night you can hear him breaking things and sobbing.I wouldn't say i knew what he was feeling cos really i didn't know but i knew i could make him happy again but no matter how i tried to get close he shuts me out.I really liked him and hated to see him miserable i mean he still have a chance to be happy with me.Contacting MUTTON OSUN was really easy for me cos all those other article had an email address i could use to contact him.So i send him an email to him but i didn't get a responses immediately i mean it took three day before i saw his mail in response to my mail where he told me that he could help me make the guy to love.Am sorry i can mention my name or his cos i really don't know who is writing this thing i am writing.Any way i was not allowed to tell any one till i have seen the result and important he told me i needed some materials for the spell casting.Most people tend to thinking his asking you to pay for the spell but not you have the choice to buy these materials and send them to him or you can ask that he get them for you if you can get the materials or the cost of buy and ship them to him is to much.In my case i gave him money to get the materials cos it was way less expansive.I guess he made some kind of harmless powdery substance with those materials and sent them over to me.He asked that i follow this instructions on how to make the spell active which i did.I must warn you it take at least two day to be effective cos it was after two days the man that never talks to me knocked at my door asking if i would like to watch movies with him at his place form there we kicked off.We have been together for 4 months now and still counting he is a really nice man i can am the luckiest woman in the world.I mean this only means that what MUTTON did is working and it changed both our life for good.I will also leave his mail here you contact purpose ]] godsofosunx@rocketmail.com
Name: smith1900 New Member
if it is africa 95 percent of the spell casters there are fake ..my name is
smith..i have been scammed by 2 different spell casters named
dr shagi and dr arango until i came across dr idunga..he told
me if i get the items and he work for me i can pay him anything i can
afford, he worked with sincerity for me and in 6 days my inlaws called me
plead to me that my ex wife want me back but dont know how to do it
directly, she came to me the following day and we are happy again..am thanking
dr idunga for his sincere work which is lacking among african spell
casters.. am also using this medium to tell you all to beware of scammer
and try to know one cos dr idunga will follow due process before anything
that has do with finance..his contact is greatidungaspelltemple@gmail.com or + 2348113076524
Name: Nora01 New Member
My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids, I felt like ending it all, i almost committed suicide because he left us with nothing, i was emotionally down all this while. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Jefferson which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I came across several of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and also spell to get a good paid job so on. He is amazing, i also come across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Julieta, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email.After reading all these, I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever.Dr.Jefferson you are a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster, Try him anytime, he is the answer to your problems. you can contact him on (doctorjeffersontemple@gmail.com)
Name: ttonia77 New Member
Hi.. Your children will always tell you they cannot stand their stepmom. Honestly I have been in a similar situation with my husbands ex (only we didnt get together until a couple years after their separation) and they love me!!! they will tell you what they think isnt going to hurt you. . I know it hurts and I can only image how bitter you must feel given the terms of your ex's relationship with new wife, but she is going to be a big part of their lives despite the pain. The best thing you can do for your children is to be the bigger person, show them (through action) that you can move past this(forgive) so they can too. Top priority is the growth of you children physically and psychologically. If he chose to run off like that he will do it to her too. Forgive them both and move on. I know hard!! But your children will love you for it!!
move past it especially when they are around. If you still
Name: MarianGregory New Member
My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. OKORO LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. OKORO you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr. OKORO. You can also contact Dr. OKORO via email address: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

Dr. OKORO NUMBER: +2348053209149
Contact Dr. OKORO Via email: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com
Name: stacybrown New Member
WOW WOW WOW!!!
Dr Malaika is real! Oh my God!
EVERY OTHER TESTIMONY HERE IS A SCAM!
I thought Malaika was a scam also but my mind told me to give him a try which I did. He is a god in human form. Take a look at me now! Oh am so happy. I was barren for life as it was supposed to be but when I met Dr Malaika my situation changed. My hubby left me over the years because I couldn’t give him a child but here we are now with a cute baby girl. Dr malaika casted a spell that brought back my hubby and at the same time he casted a spell to restore my barren womb. My hubby came begging just like that. I took him back and we had a great sex which led to my getting pregnant. Now we are as happy as ever. Dr Malaika told me he does spell for riches, cures cancer and all kind of illness. I got to meet Dr Malaika on here and he is real. His email is odogwumalaika@gmail.com or call him through his mobile +2348097302201. He is so wonderful
Name: Kimluv New Member
my name is Kim i want to testify about a great spell caster that help me cast a spell that brought my ex boyfriend back to me without any delay. I broke up with my ex with just little misunderstanding hoping we will get back shortly,but things was growing worse until i contacted Dr Kala .spell priest who help me with his historical powers to bring him back, without charging me any money for his work, i have never believed in a spell caster until i came across Dr Kala spell home, Well it will be of great sin if i should go out from here without dropping the contact of this great spell caster,in case you need the help of this great spell caster you can contact him through his email once you contact him all your problems will be over,once again i say very big thanks to you sir for helping me to recover my ex back, and please sir keep your good work cause people need your helping hand in their lives.once more contact him on his email:kalaspellhome55@gmail.com Bye Bye
Name: benitamoyes New Member
My dear reader, you have to read this.
Dr Malaika doesn’t ask for testimonies and he doesn’t charge. He is genuine and people get to meet him by luck. But right now am your luck if you could meet him. Every other testimonies you read here are scams...... Dr Malaika lives in Nigeria and I happened to meet him by chance after a friend told me about him. I followed these internet testimonies and was hugely scammed to the extent that I wanted to kill myself. Dr Malaika turned my situation around by bringing back my ex and made me regain double of what I lost over to these scams. He made my ex come crawling to have him back. All I spent was $250 and at last gained back all my lost money and even double of it. His email address is odogwumalaika@gmail.com but please don’t make him know that I published him on net. He is just wonderful and I wish whoever that finds him good luck. Don’t forget his email address is odogwumalaika@gmail.com
Yours truly
Benita Moyes
Name: reneeislove New Member
Ugggh....Yea rollercoaster i know the feeling...especially during the holidays...married 22yrs separated 5yrs and living in another state..my husband has disrespected both our children having them around different woman, and now being in a messed up situation with a child hood friend of mines is hurtful, our 22yr old daughter is hurting and now because she cant get along with this woman she moved out..our 14yr old son keeps quiet, he doenst like it, but he loves his dad..i've tried to set my feelings aside and always be the one to extend that olive branch of kindness to him, and yet when i see affect our son and i speak on it to dad..i get cussed out to SAY MIND YOUR BUSINESS' and yes we are still married at that..BUT THE GRACE OF GOD...so now, he knows that i will not allow our son to be under the same roof with him and this chick nor in her presence PERIOD.....
Name: kathrina New Member
My boyfriend left me a month ago and he was leaving with another woman who is 10 years older than him,i feel like my life is completely over. I read over the internet how a spell caster have help several people to get there love back. I have been dipresed for the past one month and what i need is to get him back and live with me so i decided to give it a try so i contacted the spell caster called Dr Kasee and explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get my boyfriend back and now my life is complete and i am throughly greatful to this man,his contact email is onimalovespell@yahoo.com Thank you very much and i am extremely greatful onimalovespell@yahoo.com
Name: AshlyMag New Member
I am having the exact same issue, the only difference is my daughter is 18 months? Have you had any good advice given to you? Have you gone to court? I went to court and have to go back next month for a set parenting plan. He lives out of state with his new wife and now that he has a wife, he actually wants more time with his daughter. He never comes around and now he is asking for one week every month with her. I couldn't bear letting her go for that long. Especially to another state.
Name: staceysleck New Member
My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is kalalovespell@gmail.com so I had to contact him and explain my problem to him and in just 3days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to. I cant thank the spell caster enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful and i will never stop to publish his name on the internet for the good work he has done for me,once again his email is kalalovespell@gmail.com
Name: dess New Member
I was down to the lowest point in my life. I thought my heart would never heal. I found lord azeez late one night and thought what have I got to lose? I ordered the Return My Lover Spell and within a week she was BACK. A big thanks to lord azeez for the great help he has rendered me. Do not waste time with fake spell conatct him lordazeez1990@hotmail.com that my advice for your situation
Name: allcomments New Member
I am giving this testimony cos l am happy My name is Mrs. Deborah Solomon from Houston, taxes. I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once. When I went to Africa in March this year on a business summit. I meant a man called dr. Gbojoro1.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone, misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job. I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man I had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… I really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when I met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. at first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all I wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. In case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address gbojorotemple1@yahoo.com Great Gbojoro1 I thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay.. What a powerful man such as Dr Gbojoro1.. he is so much powerful..\ email him for any difficulties.. gbojorotemple1@yahoo.com
Name: allcomments New Member
My name is Jessica Ruiz from Florida I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Dr Shiva. I email Dr Shiva the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr Shiva for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is:hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too.... thanks to you once again DR for am grateful to you and will always be ON HIS WEBSITE http://hinduspelltempleofsolution.webs.com
Name: faith222 New Member
My Name is faith, I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr Moko has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, i was married to this man called Steven we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when i was unable to give he a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then i was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email (mokospellcaster@gmail.com) then you won't believe this when i contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month i miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr Moko for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through this same kind of problems you can contact he today on his mail (mokospellcaster@gmail.com ) and he will also help you as well."
Name: Makinthebestoutofit New Member
Of course you miss you kids like crazy, and you haven't had enough time to heal. But, I must say, and at one time I was in your shoes, your husband didn't walk out on the kids, he walked out on the marriage and did not know how to do that and remain close by for the kids at first. Focus on this, your kids love you and know who their mother is regardless of their relationship with their stepmom. You also might want to change your thought process: how can you be punished if a "looser" is no longer in your life. Who are you and what are you going to do with your life now? Life is not fair with what it throws at us at times, but, who do you want to be? You trust your ex enough to marry him, have children with him, and stayed with him - are you really worry about the kids? Refocus and reclaim your life with love and integrity as your goal. Best of luck to your kids.
Name: JuneCleaverWannaBe New Member
I'm in the exact situation as yours.If I could go back I would have done things SOOOO differently. First of all, I would have moved to Alaska right after he walked out on us, lived there stealth for 6 months (the time needed to live in a state to legally file for divorce), then filed for divorce. He would not have moved to Alaska and couldn't afford to exercise visitation = he's out of our lives. I truthfully have NO jealously feelings for the other woman and my ex, but I don't want to lose my children for the summer. My kids are 2 and 3 and the judge ordered standard visitation! That means they are gone for 2 12 months !!! They are WAY too little to be gone that long !!! They haven't seen him in over a year (his choice not mine) and now I'm supposed to drop them off for 2.5 months????? They don't even know him anymore. They will be so freaked out.
It would be different if they could call me on their own, or could defend themselves, but they are still babies. It would still be hard if they were older, but at least managable.
This is how I see it. HE left his children, HE moved 5 hours away, HE chose to not to see them at all for year, why should our children have to be jerked from their home, everything that is safe and familiar to them just so they can be thrown in some nasty daycare (knowing him it will be the cheapest one he can find) or babysat by the woman who wishes they didn't exist. I fear for their safety - physical and emotional well being.
I don't wish him to be out of their lives, all children need their father, but it would be better in short spurts. I think at their age a week at a time and more often is better than once a year for the entire summer. This arrangement is stupid.
I have seriously considered leaving the country. Yes...really.
Name: taoter New Member
I am currently going through the divorce process right now and am having all sorts of emotional issues surrounding the idea of who is spending time with my daughter as my soon to be ex started dating her supervisor the week that we separated. I don't think my solution is perfect, but my lawyer put this language into the joint custody agreement.

Right of First Refusal

If either parent is unable to care for the child during his/her parenting time which includes any amount of time greater than ten (10) hours, the other parent would be the first choice to provide childcare.
Name: MamaBear New Member
One other point...I know that it is possible for other people to love our children, but the bond children have with the woman who gave birth to/or raised them is not the same as the bond with the woman who marries the dad and "inherits" the children. I think the terms "stepmother" and "stepfather" must be earned. If I ever marry the man I am dating, who has kids, I will never ever want to be called their stepmother, out of respect for their real mother. I gave birth to my three kids, raised them, held the family together when their father left, earned money to feed them, and now some other woman is their "Mother"? Heck, not on your life. Also, knowing that second marriages break up at a higher rate than do first marriages, the new wife may not always be in the picture anyway.
Name: MamaBear New Member
I empathize with you 100%; it is simply wrong that your ex cheated, destroyed your family, and now allows his new wife to spend time with your children! The boys are helpless in all of this, and I understand that you wish this was all just a bad dream and you will wake up from it soon. You are dealing with rejection, shattered dreams, and every mother's worst nightmare - having to allow her children to hang out with the woman who caused the break in the family. I have these feelings too, although, thank God, my kids are all over 18 so custody is a non-issue. My ex's new wife is childless but loves to say that she now has three great children. It drives me to distraction but I try to stay positive and active. I think the whole scenario where home-wreckers get to spend time with our children who are innocent victims is, frankly, messed up. The system sucks.
Name: Stacey New Member
First, with time, it does get better. Your feelings are valid and very human. With each passing year, you'll be amazed at how much of the hurt has subsided. However, you must be kind to yourself and allow the grieving process to run its course. You'll better days dealing the hurt, loss, disappointment and frustration. And, of course, there will be days from hell. It will be helpful to you to try to find an outlet, something to take your mind off your circumstances: walking, water-color/painting class, going to the gym, anything you enjoy.

Second, your ex's parenting-time/visitation is specifically for time shared between your children and their father. The new wife has no legal rights regarding your children. Their father's absence during his visitation hours does flies in the face of the purpose and intent of the laws and judicial order that provides for such visits. You may want to file a motion/petition for modification of visitation/parenting time with the court and inform the judge of how your children are not benefitting from the existing arrangement because of their father's absence. In such a motion/petition you specifically request that your children's father be present during the entire time designated for such visits.
In the meantime, you may want to get a notebook and document in detail each date and time your sons visit and their father isn't present. You may also want to note the comments they make regarding how they are treated while at their father's home.

Third, let your children know that it's okay for them to call home to talk with you while they're at their dad's. There may be some objection to this down the road, but most will find this understandable in light of the fact that your children are in the care of someone with whom they feel uncomfortable. By the way, if you should have some concerns about the new wife's suitability to even be in you children's life, you can always present that information to the court and, maybe, you can request that her continued presence be based on her submission to a psychological evaluation (don't know if that'll work, but it's worth considering if the the circumstances so warrant).

Fourth, it's clear to me that you put your children first in your life. In so doing, you can't help but to worry about their safety and well-being when they're away from you. And, that's why it's good that you spend as much time as you do with them. And, of course, open communication with them is key. But remember, you count, too. Make sure that while take good care of children you're also taking good care of yourself too, especially emotionally. The benefits of talking about how you really feel cannot be overstated. A good friend/relative, support group or family counselor can provide outstanding help.

I truly wish you the best! With every teardrop of hurt and every moment of disappointment and frustration, keeping putting one foot in front of the other. You'll master that mountain.
Name: Distraught New Member
change youre thought process. none of this is easy, however you are still hurt and talking mostly about you and not the kids. I am in the middle of divorce and there are children involved. it seems that my wife and I do the exact same thing as far as the hurt you express. calling them "loosers"? i am glad that you keep your feelings from your boys, but i am certain that they are fully aware of your emotions towards their father and his new wife which, in their loyalty to you, they will never accept her. So, they will grow up angry and non accepting all because of you? you dont want that I am certain. The only way I can see around this is for you to open up and get to know her for your children. my wife moved in with another man when she left the house. we are not divorced yet and it killed me to know my daughter was over there (my son stays with me full time). I reacted the same way. we are now in mediation and I suggested that we seek "divorce counsel" so we can learn to communicate better between the two of us during and after divorce. I do not want to accept her boyfriend, but it is my goal to open up to the possibility of being friends with him someday which will allow me to help him "step parent" my child. win win for my daughter. i tell myself over and over and over...."its not about me" , "its not about me". seems to help. good luck.
Name: kbb New Member
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. He had been divorced for almost a year when I met him. He has 2 kids, one of which is in grade school. His ex-wife refuses to allow him to be with me (including for holidays and other special events) if the younger son (teenage) is also with him. I get along with his kids great, and their dad and I are always "family-oriented" with the kids. For some reason, his ex-wife thinks that their kids should not see either parent with someone else; the fact that we've been together for 6 years exclusively does not seem to matter to her. I don't want to do anything to cause any emotional grief for my boyfriend and especially not for his kids. But I'm also having a really hard time feeling like his ex-wife gets to call all the shots when it comes to how we spend our time, especially holidays and special events. I would never say or do anything to come between the kids and their mom, and I would do anything for the kids. But my feelings matter too, and I am not sure how to deal with this. I feel like it is none of her business if we spend time together - we actually offer a very warm, caring and peaceful environment. But she creates such agony whenever she finds out we're all together. Does anyone have any ideas how I can deal with this?
Name: pmcgee New Member
I also going through similar situation as you are in now. mistress my ex has been affair with after the our divorce he is now bring my son to meet her and her 3 children. makes me angry and betrayal and all things my son went through after he left us over his mistress. wondering how dare he do this to my son again. but nothing we can do. he will do whatever he wants to do. and all I have to do is tell my son. be a good man when he is older and be kind and loving and respectful person. I pray to god. will get over all this painful feelings. and move on with our lives. It will happen.
Name: eylbrown
I totally know where you're coming from. My ex is getting married to the mistress, both catholic school teachers working for the same division (ironic I know). He believes she is a great babysitting service and she looks after our son (11) so he can do what ever he wants to do. We have a 50/50 arrangement and I have always said that there is no reason for our son to not be with one of us at any time. I have said that if he is busy then i will look after our son on his time. He has told me it's not my concern with what he does and who he leaves our son with and to butt out. Now, I do know what it;s like to be a step mom... he also has a daughter (13) now and I had been her step mom for the first 10 years of her life, but in all of that, we (my ex and I) both agreed that she was at our home to see him, not to see me. He would do things with her - I may look after for an hour until he got home the first day we had her but that's it. I cared for her tremendously but when we split, I had never seen her again, and to top it off neither has he. It's been 4 years now. I'm not saying he can't see his son... I only have him 50% of the time and miss him terribly when I don't have him. All the hard feelings and hurt aside with why he left the family, all I'm fighting for is to see my son as much as possible and to not have a 3rd party come before me when he can't be with his son. Drop him with me and pick him up when you're ready... I don't get that he doesn't want to do that. He thinks I'm trying to control his life and told me to more or less get lost (in different words) and it's not my business whom he leaves his son with as long as he;s not in danger. But it is my business - and I can't help but feel EXTREMELY angry about not being the first choice to get him when he can't see his son.
Name: pensiero
I have been divorced for 3 yrs and my daughter is being abused mentally by her step mother. When I try to confront her my ex steps in and tells me I dont live there and to stay out of there business. I am infiriated and dont know what to do. My daughter doenst want to stay there and I have to make her. She is 6 and jsut last week she told me her step mom calls her a brat all the time. Any suggestions. Oh the step mom is Russian and very set in her ways.
Name: justme08
In reply to chicagomom, I do understand that stepparents can care deeply about their stepchildren. However, when that step parent says and does things to saboutage the relationship between the children and their real parents, that's just wrong! and parents who do not behave as parents over spans of years and suddenly "love their kids so much" are doing nothing except manipulating. It all comes down to control and money. Sorry, stepparent, too many of you have ruined it for the good ones who really care.
Name: justme08
I have been divorced for 3 years. My ex just remarried one month ago. He did not want the girls on all of his off days and now his new wife is pushing him to take me back to court. She's been married twice already and has 3 children of her own. He never paid attention to the kids when we were married and now wants to become involved (because of her). She stays in my business, degrades me in front of my children, wants more child support from her exes but doesn't want my ex to provide support to me for my children. I guess we'll end up in court sometime soon. I hate knowing that its not him who really wants the girls, that he just doesn't have the guts to stand up to her. I try so hard not to let these things bother me, but the children are smart. I don't know what to do either. I feel your pain.
Name: missimom
rollercoster, I know all too well what you are going through. Sounds like I was telling my own story. I have 2 boys 11 and 6; was seperated 18 months before filling for divorce after his affair. Difference is we were seeing eachother and my son's teacher's husband was in a car accident and in a coma 5 months before he dumped me again for her. MY Son's Teacher! We were divorced Nov 19th with no issues resolved. They wanted a quick marriage after her husband died. They are getting married in March. My 11 yo is in termoil (his former teacher). What I had put in our temp orders was First Right of Refusal. My son does not want to be with her at all but wants to see his dad. That way if Dad Cannot be with the boys on his time over 2 hours, he must call me first. I don't want to push my son before he is ready. When they were first dating he spent
all his time with her and the boys felt abandond. Chicagomom, I really hope you are right about the step mom caring for the boys, but it certainly wasn't that way when she went for her immidiate gratification being the other woman, Nor in my case, a teacher putting her needs for a new Daddy before her husband passed and with her students father. Hopefully now that these women have what they want, they will put the kids first now.
Name: chicagomom
Here's something for you consider: perhaps you're ex's wife actually cares about your children. I'm a divorced mother of two boys who are currently away at college. I recently married a man with two elementary school--aged girls and I love them very much. I'm not sure why mothers in your situation are unable to understand that stepmothers can care very deeply about their stepchildren. My stepdaughters' mother has an attitude very similar to yours; they are her kids and my husband and I should not have a relationship with them. This is wrong. Be glad your ex insists on his visitataion because the impact on your children if you deny visitation or he suspends will be with them for the rest of their lives. If they are truly bad parents your children will eventually see through that.

I enjoy having my stepdaughters for one-on-one time, and I'm tired of their mother making them feel guilty for having a good time when we're together. I run them all over town, pick them up when their mother cannot or chooses not to, and generally treat them as if they were my biological children. I don't think your childrens' stepmother would agree to have them so much if she didn't genuinely care about them.

My guess is (and I could be off base) your children are telling you what you want to hear regarding the time they spend with their stepmother. Children have a strong instinct to to protect their parents, especially their mothers. I know your feelings are strong and your instinct is to protect your children, but there are some things of which you have to let go.

Anger eats up a lot of energy and life; maybe it's time you concentrate that energy in a positive manner. What is about your children that you think another adult cannot love and accept?
Name: azmommy
They say it does by I don't believe it. I do know what you're going through, my ex has to ask her if he can spend extra time with my son. He has to ask her if we can change the pick up and drop off time my request,she said no). She having my 4 year old call her mommy, and me by my first name. Yes I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it. Not legal anyways. Hes still angry and laughs it off. The advise I keep reminding myself of is this: With the way yourand your ex are comunicating your children only have 1/2 a chance at a normal life(your 1/2) . Focus on being the best parent you can be and They (your children) will make sure you know that you're the one, the sterdy, steady, constant in their life, and they will let you know you are the one and only mother. Good luck
Name: gr8ful
Rollercoaster... I am so sorry for the turmoil that you find yourself in. I want you to understand two very importand things:
1.) You need to find a way to deal with the emotional pain that this situation is causing you ASAP because this kind of stress can be deadly and can take years off your life, seriously.
2.) You are fighting a losing battle. The harder you want to fight, the deeper you will sink into the mud.

Now let me tell you why I feel this way. You are reacting exactly how we would all like to react and I totally 100% get it, I'm right there with you on how unfair this situation is for all that find theselves in it. (Including me.)

But here's the deal... it is what it is and you have NO CONTROL. Once we are divorced we really have no say what so ever in the lives of our exes. It's very difficult to grasp the concept that what we want / feel / need is of no relivance any longer because we are now out of the picture. It's difficult because we are still emotionally tied together as long as we are actively stirring the pot, but no longer legally bound.

It becomes easier when we accept the fact that the past is the past and we are able to close the door on it and walk away. Take all the good things with you and leave the rest. Close the door. Walk away.

The situation is fueled because we as the ex spouse need to blame the other woman, we gotta, we have to, it spurns us on and keeps the fire burning bright. Bad idea. Huge waste of time. Huge energy sucker. Huge battery drainer.

In reality, the other woman is of no significance, really. She is not the one we echanged vows with. Our spouses did not one day trip and accidently fall into them. This situation that we find ourselves in is due to lack of character and commitment and is a result of lust winning over love. They deserve each other and you should just back away from the fire and let it self combust...without you giving it a second thought.

The children are your heart. Do not worry about the children. Your ex and his wife are adults and I am sure would not put them in harms way. Let your ex and his wife have 100% control and responsibility of the time that they have the kids. Their success or failures as parents will be all theirs and will have no reflection on you. Don't make this a competition of who loves them more or who can be the best parent. Your kids win if they are able to feel safe, loved and protected in both homes. It sucks to think that "she" has access to "your" children... trust me... I've had those same thoughts myself... but again... you have no control no matter how much you hate it. Big ol' wasted energy again.

The bottom line is that you need to just let go of the anger, the hate, the betrayal... and start over. Give in to the knowlege that your ex let you down and it is not repairable. Make a decision to look ahead and try to focus on those things that you can control. Take a weekend class when your boys are at their dad's... go on weekend trips w/ your girlfriends, go get your nails done or your hair done or go to the gym and work out... switch the focus to YOU. Put You first, noone else if going to. Look out for YOU. No one else is doing that. Heal your heart and you will heal your life. Happiness attracts happiness. Bitterness repels people and steals your life. Do not give your ex that power. Take it back today, be brave. You can do it and I am rooting for you!
Name: newdivorceshock New Member
Wow - sounds fun but you have to let go - I am going through a very evil situation where my stbx takes them to my in-laws who have testified in court that they have no respect for me as a person or the children's mother. I am not comfortable when my boys are there. STBX is a misogonist but still definately needs time with his boys - HE will always be there dad - you have to accept. You loved him enough to have kids - trust that he will take care of them. So you don't like her or the thought of the homewrecker - it's ok -completely normal - I wouldn't either and I haven't ruled that one out yet either ie another "mommy" waiting in the wings with the way this whole thing happend for me - but know that your boys definately know you are their mom and at the end of the day - it is more important - then a week or two of her carting them around.
Name: singlemomkl
I am not jealous of the "step mom to be". What disturbs me is this woman spending valuable weekend time with my children, 7 and 4, because their father is unavailable during his parenting time. I failed to get things in writing in the Property Settlement Agreement, so this allows my ex to dictate when the children get to be with me during his parenting time. I am reduced to a free babysitting service, because when he doesn't need me, he leaves them with her. I gave away all weekend time to my ex, he has full weekends every other weekend, plus Friday overnights on the alternate weekend. I chose and actually kind of lobbied for it because I feel it is important for the children to see their father as much as possible, but he promised if ever I had something to do with the children on the "short weekend" it would be no problem. That never got into the agreement, so I only see my children 26 Saturdays and 26 Sundays a year unless the ex has plans. I do have joint custody and most of the parenting time, but not weekends. I never can go away for the weekend. The ex is the typical bully, and thrives on making me squirm by saying "it's not in the agreement" knowing he promised me so many things. I do keep busy. I do have a great family and friend support system, and I do have most of the days. But knowing my children do not have adequate weekend time with me and it is my fault, my doing, is truly unbearable for me. I am working on dealing more effectively with the situation. But it is hard. These days are precious and time lost is forever gone. Funny thing is the ex was never around during the marriage for his children and by some way of a miracle has made a 180 degree turn and looks like the model father.
For all of us in this situation, the good advice has been given already by others:Be there for your kids, love them, and make the best of your time together and let the rest go. When will this be a reality for me, I hope soon! LOL Take care and be well.
Name: Amandagates New Member
I just want to know how many kids you can leave with a 13yr?for like how many hrs,my daughters is 8yrs old,her step mom leaves her with two half brothers witch are 8yes old also,then a 9yrs ,13yr step sisters,then my daughter step mom,puts my daughter down,tell my daughter that she is ugly,stupis,fat,things like that,then the dad and step split two times this yr because of the way the step mom was with my daughter,oh then the step mom was also getting rid of all my daughters good clothes,shoes to small,her dad told she wares 11 in girls,yeah right try size 2,i was so mad,i called on them and all i got was talk to the dad,then before the step mom and dad got married she left all the kids alone again,my daughter and the boys were babys they were 18 months old,the oldest was 4 yrs old then two more times,everytime i took my daughter with me,i didnt think to call on them eather time,i did have to call poisin control one time,after that i stoped him from seeing her.see what us females are doing is going for child support,that is the biggest mastake for us females to do,my other dughters dad,he wanted me to go for child support,i told him no,my daughter is 6yrs old ,i get nothing from her dad,why i dont want him see my daughter well easy it all up,hes why i dont have my olderst daughter,he beat my oldest up when she was 3 1/2 yrs old ,well since its been 5yrs since this happen he can get visition,over my dead body he will get visition.
Name: Amandagates New Member
I know all about this,But mine is wors then yours,my daughter calls her (step mom)mom.Just be glad that will never happen.to make everything better for you why dont you and the father meet somewere with the kids,make it a drop off point,this way you dont have to see all that,as the days go on all this will get better
Name: madalex Member
Amen to what rights said. They are just as much your former spouse's children as they are yours, so for you to try to dictate what he does with them on is parenting time is inappropriate. I understand that it is upsetting to you, but you need to find something else to do to occupy your time away from your kids instead of obsessing about what they may be doing with their father and his new spouse.
Name: Jean D New Member
Find something to do while the kids are gone. Soon she will get tired of her new role because believe me, she is only doing this to try to make a 'family' situation with your ex. Just show your kids lots of love and try not to show you feelings when they come to get the kids. This is something you will have to put up with. It normally does not last. I bet that within two years he will be divorcing her. 3 years is the average time limit with an 'affair'. She just pressured him to marriage. Nevertheless, it is over for you and him. Just always be there for your children and try to help him be a good father so that they don't suffer from that loss as well.
Name: rights New Member
It's really disturbing to see statements about MY children. After divorce, children have two homes, their mothers and their fathers. It's possible that there will be extended families in both. As parents, it's our job to help them move on in life, learn to get along with people in various situations, and to use their families as a support structure.

When we don't allow the new extended family to carry their load of the responsibility, we are handicapping our children, hurting ourselves, and our children's other parent. That in turn is hurting the child - remember they are half you and hald the other parent.

When people can't move on, and see everything as a war between the ex, and the kids are always being hurt by the other side, and not theirs, then there is a problem. Get a book, get a spouse, get a counselor, and start helping these children learn to get along in life. They will have similar challenges in school, work and their own relationships. Aren't you going to help them learn to cope so they can do the same when they are out of the nest?

I am hooked on this idea of shared parenting. I found a new site - www.WashingtonSharedparenting.com that I am following their blog. It looks appealing to me.
Name: PMC New Member
I understand your resentment of the new wife. I started dating my husband right after he had moved out and they had filed for divorce. Six years later, his ExW still refers to me as the "other woman" (actually a lot worse than that). I never saw it that way, though. I was not his first girlfriend.

Perceptions as they are, hanging on to this hatred (for your ExH and his new wife) is only hurting you. From my perspective, I did not purposefully choose a man with kids and an ExW. It just happened that way. And I have no ambitions of stealing another woman's children. But as wife, I help out when I can. And if that means driving my step kids around town, it's not a dig at their bio-mom, but a necessity for transporting them from one place to another.

You never know - you may someday fall in love with a man who has kids. And you will see how difficult it is for the step mom to become invisible.

I hope you find peace and are able to move beyond the hurt, for yourself and for your children.
Name: Kaylea New Member
I know how you feel, ive been going through hell with my ex and his girlfriend sence she moved in with him.. see from the begining ive never let him leave the kids with her... i told her there was no way i didnt trust her and that when he had to work the kids would be with me... so in the summer time the kids can only be with him every other week end... cause he works and during school time... they can stay with him cause they are only with her for 1 hour before the buss comes to pick them up... and with her for maby 1 hour before he gets home from work... hes tried telling me that when the kids was with him it was none of my buisness and i told him that my kids are my buisness no matter where they were.... see right now my ex got in a fight with me over the phone yesterday telling me that my daughter wanted to die her hair and i told him that i had already told her no and he said that i was trying to be controling with my daughter and that i didnt have a relation ship with her... well shes been told she cant ask me something i tell her no then go to dad and get what she wants.... so shes been told that if she does die her hair it will be cut verry short till it growns back out and she will be grounded for a month... i cant let her think that she can get away with it even though i love her shes 12 years old and shes not going to use the fact that were divorced to get her way.... so my guess is she wont get her hair died... but the thing is no matter what they tell my kids... my kids know me and just because there is no rules over there and they dont care what the kids do there is a safe ruled secure invirment here... they will grow up and see the truth... of the things their father and her are doing... i also do not do everything for my chirldren i would rather my children grow up saying my mom didnt do it for me she tought me how and i did it all my self... and they will be independent...
Name: mamadootz New Member
I SO completely agree with how hard it is to maintain quiet and peace when you are in a situation like this. My soon-to-be-ex took up with a friend of ours from church before he left the house -in which I asked him to leave from the high amount of verbal abuse- and he wouldn't leave for months because he felt "he had no where to go", but took up with her anyhow. She WAS a good friend, but I supposed they are the ones who can most interrupt sanity. I NEVER expected her to do this! She has no kids (can't have them) and is a perpetual non-mother type (as she puts it). I'm a 2nd wife with one daughter, he has 2 girls from his 1st wife. She moved her sorry toukas in the kids' lives right away and they trash both of us "ex's" in full frontal of the kids! He takes no parental duties, leaving everything to the mothers and he just wants to be the girls' pal instead of a father. He feels both of us mothers are evil and he is a great dad (and we are useless ppl if we have to involve him in situations where he should be contacted ie - problems).He calls us the worst of names in front of the kids, too! His oldest (15 yrs) took an overdose of No-Doze with her friends earlier this year and was rushed to the hospital. Her mother called him and told him to rush to the hospital, but b/c he was with his "new thang" they decided to go get something to eat first! When they finally got there they "teased" his daughter by saying how they were going to get something yummy to drink and how they could walk out of there but how she had to stay (mind you, they were inducing vomiting with that charcoal junk). His daughter was crushed and cried, but this is not new to her. I spent 10 yrs in fights with him to be more of a father to them, they are great girls. Last week, MY daughter was rushed to the hosp with convulsion like fevers and he said "being here is more YOUR thing so I am leaving." He called later that night saying him and his newbie would be there shortly... I was JUST FLOORED! I told him NO WAY, he lost his mind. Says God forgave him and wants him to be "happy" so I should get over it. He never even thought to call her sisters to tell them she was in the hospital, and was outraged that I brought it up to him! Point is, he has always neglected the emotional needs of his girls and both of us ex wives have to do damage control every single weekend! My daughter is convinced she is at the bottom of his list, and is sad b/c the other girls will be able to stop seeing him soon and she will be alone with him. The courts DO NUTHIN, I am so lost. It's hard to be around the newbie, I want to rip her hair out and I am so much a better person than that! They both elicit feelings of rage within me, and I refuse to let them see it. I do not talk about her with my girl, even though she knows what is going on (she is 8) from his end. I allow her to get angry with him, though she'd never dare say anything to him in fear of his anger, BUT my right hand to God I always tell her that her daddy loves her and he may do wrong things, but that he IS NOT A BAD PERSON (gawd, that one kills me to say!)Hang in there, ok? Know you are doing the right thing, let your kids see that you are strong and emotionally safe, that is what they fear most. My girl told me that she can "take it from him" as long as she knows I am there for her. How sad is that??? If he really knew how his kids felt about him, he'd drop over dead from shame. (by the way, his 1st wife and I are friends and support eachother in our tremors)How can I get the courts to make him go to anger amnagement or therapy? Yeah, yeah, know I can't, but any adivce?
Name: mac Member
Rollercoaster:Yep,I am going through these feeling with the other woman too. What eats me away every single day is how I accepted her into my home when she left my ex due to ongoing verbal and emotional abuse. I supported her 100% and was willing to help her adjust to single motherhood. When the ex took her back, a custody battle started and she signed a statement against me. Now that my daugther is there on alternating weeks, SHE is the one taking care of my child. The father is not involved and she is. Although I have not spoken to her since May and she cannot even look me in the face the few times I did see her, she constantly asks my child "Why she started this" She constantly tells my daughter the clothes I buy her a dorky and dresses her in used clothes so she looks like a bum. She takes my daughter to school and picks her up and that is MY JOB. She packs her lunches and THAT MY JOB. She took my daughter to the hairdresser and cut off all her hair. There was a time when we were all friends and now I absolutely hate her but at the same time I know she has to be very compliant since the ex took her back, but for god sake, we are both mothers and we both lived with the man and know what kind of a person he is and continues to be.She should be protecting her child too as well as mine. She see's the torment every day that my ex is causing my child and still continues to stand by him. As of last night, my ex threw my child out in the middle of night in the rain and told her he never wanted to see her again all because she wanted to come visit me the next day.The other woman was there, and she did nothing to prevent this. What is wrong with people. My sister constantly tells me what goes around comes around and I hope she gets what she deserves. It may be sad for me to feel this way, but my daughter does not know how I feel and should the other woman leave my ex again in the near future I will contact her as my child is extremely close to her step-sister and I want the two of them to grow up together. I feel that is the least I can for my child.
Name: Tim New Member
I'm in Canada, we called them Children's Aid, I believe in the States you call it Social Services.
Name: Tim New Member
Rollercoaster: I know what you are saying, I'm living this now too. My wife destroyed the marriage over a internet boyfriend, which fell through, now she lives in what was our home with a new boyfriend and my 3 daughters, although he was in no way involved in the marriage break up an incident of a minor nature took place between him and my young kids, it set off alot of warning bells which were reported to Childrens Aid, Although the investigation didn't uncover anything illegal it did cause the two of them to tow the line a little better, then on other incidents when I complained they did the same in fear of another investigation resulting in my kids being a little better cared for by them. All I can recommend to you is put your hate in neutrol and keep your ears and eyes open, if their conduct with the kids crosses any lines do not hesitate to call Children's Aid, but ensure your complaints have a solid basis. Also don't pump the kids for info on return, don't call her or him down in front of the kids despite how you feel. Alot of grown kids report their worst memories of growing up were how one parent trashed the other. And yes the hate is a natural part of Separation, but like anything else, if you can't free yourself from it, it will eat you alive. There are professionals out there who can help you with this. I also feel seperation rollercoasts between depression and seeing red anger.
Name: rollercoaster Member
Thank you for your replies. Tim, what is Children's Aid? Is that a state gov't service? I haven't heard that name, but I'm sure there's something here similar. Yes, divorce and betrayal does provoke extreme feelings that alternate between depression and red hot anger! I'm working very hard to let some of that go and not "engage" when my ex throws out a nasty remark. Putting the "hate" in neutral and eyes and ears open is good advice. It's scary to think that something bad has to happen before action can be taken.
Name: bdunn Member
Actually you don't have to let them spend time with their father. My ex makes visitation next to impossible and never gets more than a slap on the wrist from the court. But I don't reccommend this. I want to see my kids more. I love my kids but my ex is doing whatever she can, including moving to keep me from seeing them.In NY it is very easy to get a visitation order which is meaningless as the courts don't enforce them. There is no legal link to visitation and child support unfortunately. If there were a $50 or $100 penalty for each denied visitation she'd be damn sure that I saw the kids when I am allowed to. But thats just a wish. I call the kids almost daily but I miss them so.
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