Login / Register | Select Category » Children and Parenting Issues » Son's wedding

Name: 56teach   Title: Son's wedding

My ex had a long term affair (emotional and physical) with his former secretary. Our divorce was final about 16 months ago. Within days of the decree being signed he insisted his sons (college aged and high school) spend a part of Thanksgiving with her and her family without even explaining how she came into his life. It's been ugly ever since (for me and for our sons) as he brings her to all functions for our youngest son even though it is uncomfortable for other parents and of course for me. I know that I have to learn to live with this but the anger comes on very quickly when I know that he doesn't care about the 30 years we were together and has so little respect for the mother of his children. Now our oldest son is getting married to a wonderful young lady. My ex wants his girlfriend to be at the wedding (he also wanted her at the engagement party but our son said no). My son says that to avoid a "lifetime of being uncomfortable because Dad will be angry" that he will include her in the wedding invites. I think that to make two people happy and have the rest of the people attending be uncomfortable or unhappy is terribly unfair. And yes, I know that life isn't fair because if it was my ex wouldn't have decided that my lack of height, brown hair, 10 extra pounds, and asthma would not have led him to hang out with his secretary. I guess I just want to vent because I am so hurt, but I'd also like to know how to handle having her at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. My parents are aging (82) and harbor deep resentment and anger toward him. How do I wrap my mind around being with her at the most important day in my son's life? How do I listen to their vows of love without remembering my own while the two of them sit together. It makes me ill thinking about it all when I should just be happy for my son. I search the web to find women who have been in my position, but all I find is stuff about women who are angry with their ex's new girlfriend. This isn't a new girlfriend; she's the same one he had when he was married to me. People say that I just need to put aside the anger, but it hurts so much and no one says how! Any suggestions for me?