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Name: Christyco_2000 New Member  
Title: Mom leaves kids with Dad
Id love to hear from other moms..who have decided to leave their kids with their dad. I have done that and have left the state..my kids are teenagers..and I dont know how to deal with them....any info would be great!

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Name: allcomments New Member
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Name: allcomments New Member
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Name: sprtngrl46 New Member
There's actually a great article on this subject. I love this quote from the article:

Mothers who choose to let their children go with Dad, who realize that sometimes the best situation for the kids might be with the other parent, are actually making a tremendous sacrifice. Everything screams against it — the natural motherly instinct, which is to cling to your children and never let them go is still there. The hardest thing in the world is to let go of ego, to not only admit your child might be happier and better off with the other parent, but to actually let go enough of your sense of self and the core feeling of being a mother, and let their child live with their father.

If you ask — “What kind of mother would let her children go?” Sometimes that answer is that it’s the kind of mother who wants what is best for her children more than what is best for her.


The entire article can be found at:

http://www.postdivorcechronicles
.com/2011/02/when-mom-is-the-%E2%80%9Cd
ivorced-dad%E2%80%9D-by-sophia-van-bure
n/
Name: sprtngrl46 New Member
I made the painful decision to leave my husband in November, 2011. I was married to my high school sweetheart for 17 years, and we knew each other since we were kids. I was a stay at home mom to my kids who are now 12 and 16. I had a great job in marketing until my son was two, and thought I'd be able to get a job in the industry again. Since I've been out of marketing for more years than I worked in it, nobody would hire me. I couldn't afford to live in the same town we've raised our kids in, and they wanted to stay in the house they lived in, so I left them with their dad. He's a great dad, just wasn't a good husband. The'yre loved and taken care of, but it's extremely painful. Like some of you have said, it's in some ways like a death. My kids didn't ask for this divorce, and their lives shouldn't change more than they have to - they're still going to the same school, live in the same house, have the same friends. I wasn't happy, so I needed to leave. And they don't have to listen to the constant fighting between their parents anymore. They seem to be adjusting well, but I know in my heart I sacrificed so much...I will always have the memories with them through their childhood, but new memories are scarce...and just knowing the little things about them that you learn while living as a family - we won't know those little things about each other anymore. It's a tough adjustment, but much better than taking them away from their friends, family, school...that's their life during these teenage years. And I would never change that.
Name: whispersoftly31 New Member
I decided to let my boys stay with dad during the school weeknights. But it's killing me inside to be away from them. I was trying to be kind, and walked away from the original homestead since I was the one asking for the divorce. My boys 6 and 12 prefer being with dad on a regular basis. Still kills me inside. I tried having them over during the week, but then I started going back to school twice a week and it just wasn't possible with all the homework, and my eldest complaining about commuting the 30 min from my house to my ex's in the morning. So I tried to do right by my kids and let them have consistentlcy every morning. It never feels good when I talk about it. It never feels natural to say. I have no desire to move closer to my ex just so we can share more of a 50/50 schedule. But the whole thing just really sucks.
Name: bdunn Member
I left the kids with their mom and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. When I filed a petition for custody 3 months later they hold it against me that I left the kids behind. I had no choice I moved to my parents basement when I left and it took about 2.5 months to find something affordable to live in.Now I regret leaving the kids behind. I pay a hefty amount in support for the priviledge of seeing my ex neglect them.
Name: Passionforlife New Member
I left my husband and my two sons with their Dad 9 months ago. I have a good relationship with them. Live though just 55 miles from them which helps. It has worked out ok, with lots of phone calls, and love. Passionforlife
Name: Chime New Member
Hi Christyco: I'm glad that my message provided some comfort to you. I sometimes find that sharing & venting feelings around this issue helps me to stay sane. It's not an easy situation to simply 'deal with ' & move on. Surviving divorce is a huge life change, but then, becoming voluntarily 'childless' is really huge that is always with you in your head. Coping with the reality of being without your child/children is major. Insensitive, rude and thoughtless responses from ignorant people can be very stressful & trying. Sometimes, well-meaning family members can be totally clueless and tactless too. I often find women to be the coldest & harshest critics without even knowing anything about your personal situation. It's not unusual for such insensitives to declare my situation unnatural & other such awful things. At some point, I've found that I must fully accept the situation emotionally; that is, I must accept 'what is' and try to draw upon my inner reserves of strength in order to function normally in daily life. I know that my son and I love each other. In fact, I know that I miss him a whole lot more than he misses me. Yet I know that I'm still his mother. You are so right that things will never be the same. I've sometimes tended to get a bit maudlin and mourn what was. Yes, it is kind of like a death; a death of a certain type of relationship, way of relating; and of a certain way of life. However, you have your memories of the past. And, you've helped your children to become the people that they are. You'll always be in their hearts. Now is the time to try & create a new and different reality and create new memories with them. For me, it's a time for digging deep within, rediscovering inner resources, and calling forth any spiritual strength that I can muster. I'm also trying to surround myself with more positive influences than negative since I don't want to be dragged lower than I am right now. Things will eventually get better and you'll get better at handling your situation. Be strong.
Name: Christyco_2000 New Member
Thank you for your reply..it gave me a bit of confort..you know..if feels as tho I am taking new steps every day...one thing I found this past week ..is that I have to accept that things will NEVER be the same..and to stop living in the past..that I have fond memories of the children and thats where I need to keep them..I also realized that when I call the children..I can not continue to harp on them how MUCH I miss them..as I can tell it makes them feel bad for themselves as well, as for me..at times..it feels like a "death" of an old life..the birth of a new..what you were saying about the your child being a visiter..that truley hit home..and I appriate your input about that..I never thought of it that way before..I havenot seen my children since I left..about 2 months ago..now I can put it straight in my head what if might be like ! thank you so much for writting back..PLS write again!
Name: Chime New Member
I'd also appreciate hearing from other women in simiIar circumstances, and hearing how they cope. I'm a long-distance mother of a 13yr old; he elected this year to go & live with his father -1,375 kms away. It hasn't been easy for me, even though my son is loving it. Now, I'm the one having to pay child support. My ex-husband is not the easiest person to deal with either. I'm taking it one step at a time. Vacations are strange, since my son is more like a visitor in my home now than my child. Visits are also expensive as he makes the journey by plane since the road trip takes 20 hours.Hearing about his day to day activities, academic achievements, sporting triumphs, friends and special times by long distance will never equal first hand communication. Nevertheless, I suppose this had to happen for a reason.I am no less of a mother because I allowed him to go and live with his father instead of forcing him to stay with me. This situation doesn't make me happy - but I've decided to live with it. Don't let anyone guilt you into feeling less of a mother. Be strong.
Name: mother of 2 Member
I'm curious as to how long you've been away from your children..and how things are working out... How far of a distance are you from them? Do they complain about missing you too much???? Do they visit you often???
Name: mother of 2 Member
well I am basically in the same boat. I really feel bad in leaving the children, but I have not choice. I am moving out of the country from Canada to the states... 45mins by plane.. I know how you feel.. The best thing is to keep in contact with the children ICQ, telephone calls, holidays..make sure you let them know they can live with you if they want and that they have an open invitation. It is very difficult and you are not a bad mother because I am not, but I have to move...I want my daughter to come but her dad had given her the choice.. I wish he would agree with me..but he only agrees to disagree
Name: Christyco_2000 New Member
your far from wrong there!..I have and ALWAYS will be their mother!...they also have a good father...my job has made it so I had to move, what I was asking is how to handle the children...with this move I have made.
Name: MEGAN* New Member
In order to even be classified as a mother you must be present in the childrens lives on a day to day basis. Not being present is saying that you give up on them and that is unexepatable. I applaud the father for being not only assessable but the primarey CARE GIVER the definition of parent. My advice would be to see your kids and quit whining about the fact that they are just that, your teenagers.
*
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