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Name: Sus100   Title: Help Please

My partner of 4 1/2 years moved out of state
2 weeks ago with her 2 adopted children.
We raised the children (2 girls) from the ages of 5 and 6 to 10 and 11. I have been told that I can not have any contact with the children. All letters will be returned. All phone calls, e-mails will be ignored.
I have been told to send any necessary correspondence to my Ex's best friend. I am not privy to my Ex's new address. I had a great relationship with the children. They were extremely upset when we broke up. How do I let the children know that I love and care for them?

Name: scotia\\\'s dad

are they on face book, if i can help in any way,,,let me know, i sympathize with you,,good luck,,,scot

Name: UpstateNY

Sus100, I don't know your legal rights, but I was in your position.

Even though you've been told all contact will be blocked, you MUST TRY ANYWAY.
What will you say years from now (if it takes that long) when the children ask you why you never tried to contact them: (my ex) said I couldn't??
They will want to know that you did all you could.

Send weekly postcards or letters, but make sure to photocopy or scan them for your records, or take digital pictures of them.
Postcards are the best because you are hiding nothing, and the other people who see them will all know that, too.
They may bring pressure to bear on your ex to let them through, or they may not, but you will have the copies to share with them later, and you will also have put your heart into them, so they will be authentic snapshots/timecapsules of your love.

Write as if they ARE getting the mail, and will be responding.
Talk about your life and theirs, current events, personal things, and include drawings and other tidbits.
Think and talk about what they must be going through.
Get a stack of prepaid postcards and send them from work on your break.

Never, however, EVER say anything bad about your ex.
They will grow up loving you both despite whatever has been said by each of you, and will be forced by human nature to ignore or deny the negative.
The truth about each of you will eventually be clear to the girls.

By the way also remember that if things come to court, your ex will be seen as not acting in the best interest of the children, but instead blocking them from a very real need, since you ARE one of their parents.

Emails can be blocked, phone calls can be seen as harrassment, but you need to have a record of trying tjose, too, recording any response you get.
(In my state it is legal to record a conversation which you are part of, and it provides rock-solid information from which to make written notes, too.)

I kept at it, and the people around my ex saw this and brought pressure to bear to allow the mail through.
I still have a treasure trove of copies of things I sent which were "lost" or returned, postcards with riddles on the front that only my child would know the answer to, or drawings of characters we both loved doing silly things.
I also noted every time I was not able to reach my child on the phone, which was a powerful document.
I kept the moral high ground and now have 50% custody, which will soon become full.
Unfortunately for my child, the ex is being seen finally as the manipulative person they are and as practically an enemy.
I wouldn't wish that on any child about their parent, would you?

Finally, sooner rather than later the girls will be using their cell phones and computers and may reach out to YOU.
Be diligent, and ready for that day.

I hope to hear from you that you have chosen to do it.

All the best
U