Login / Register | Select Category » Children and Parenting Issues » Dependent Teenage Daughter

Name: dkukich New Member   Title: Dependent Teenage Daughter

I have been divorced for 3 years now, following a 30-year marriage. My son, who is 20, is in college and lives on campus, but my daughter, who is almost 17, spends time with both me and her father (2 days a week and alternate weekends with her dad). My ex and I live less than 2 miles apart and have a very civil relationship. My problem is that I think my daughter is overly attached to me and doesn't seem to have much of a social life. She is an excellent student and a talented athlete who plays three sports in high school as well as travel soccer. She is well-liked by her teammates and is busy with these structured activities and with academics, but she seldom goes out with friends just to go out. And when she is home, she wants me there--all the time. I have been dating a man for the past two years, but I have pretty much kept my two lives separate and I spend time with him when my daughter is with her father or otherwise occupied. My boyfriend never sleeps at my house when my daughter is there, and he is around only occasionally. I have made my daughter my first priority for her high school years, and I have not just told her this but also showed her--I am always there for her, I attend all of her games, take her on vacation with friends every year, help her with homework, take her shopping when she wants to go, etc. etc. But now I am beginning to wonder where to draw the line. She expects me to be home all the time when she is, gets indignant if I go out (even with girlfriends), and is fairly rude to my boyfriend (at her best, she is cool towards him). He is a kind person who cuts my lawn and does extra things like screening our deck so my daughter's elderly cat could safely go outside. My daughter and I have a lot of fun together--she has helped me paint several rooms in our house, and we often do things like watch a movie together on the weekend. But I am worried about her feeling so strongly about having me there, and I am angry with her for not being nicer to Doug. My son is very friendly to him and seems to have no problems with my dating. I guess my questions are: Do I keep on being there for her ALL the time in the hopes that she will be reassured that I meant what I said? Do I worry about her apparent lack of interest in going out? (I think some of it stems from her not wanting to get involved in the drinking and other things that so many kids do at gatherings nowadays.) How do I deal with her coolness and rudeness toward Doug? I guess I am afraid that coming down hard on her will make her more resentful of him rather than less and possibly also induce her to act out in negative ways (drinking, sex, etc), but I also feel very manipulated here. I want to maintain the good relationship I have with my daughter, but right now, I feel like it’s good only because she is getting exactly what she wants from me.

Name: undogg New Member

undogg@yahoo.com . . . facebook me if you like. I am the boyfriend of a wonderful woman who has a just-now teenager daughter we are dealing with. I know my girlfriend loves me, I know I love her, all of her family accepts me and even most of her friends do, just not the daughter. If you find something you think would be helpful I would like to know too.