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Name: pauladw New Member   Title: Co-parenting concerns - HIGH CONFLICT

My ex husband of 6 years and i have a VERY high conflict situation. We have joint custody of 2 children.

I divorced him and he has carried A LOT OF ANGER towards me for 6 years now, even though he has remarried.

A few years ago he was charged and convicted of assaulting me, (after our divorce) and he did one year probation and there was a one year restraining order.

It is extremely difficult to communicate with him, he seems to just do what ever he wants and has little respect for the separation agreement or me.. He can be very irrational, and unreasonable! It is absolutely disasterous trying to have any conversation with him.

For example, we have a very detailed separ, agreement. This summer was my turn to choose vacation first. We spoke about that, and then he went behind my back and planned a 2 week vacation out of the country in the summer, without my consent, and before i chose my weeks. He knew he was supposed to wait until i chose first, but he doesnt care. He now expects me to just sign the consent letter, because he says the trip has been booked.

It is very very difficult to have a reasonable discussion for him, it ALWAYS turns into a heated arguement.

I have 10 more years of co-parenting with him, but the last 6 years have been hell and extremely stressful.

What can i do to help this situation?

Can i get sole custody and would this help?

Name: lisalt6 New Member

Depending on the ages of your kids, a custody battle will only make things WORSE. I have coparented with a bitter ex for 5 years as well and am familiar with the frustrations. Hang in there! They play games. The best thing you can do is be honest with your children about the situation. Do not sugar coat things for them especially if they are over 12 years old. It's important to protect your own character and relationship with them by telling them the truth about their Father (within reason). Try counselling for yourself and write down your experiences. Also, keep a journal of his actions in case you need it for the future. Above all I hope you and the children are SAFE.

Name: shegi New Member

Any suggestion on how to co-parent with someone who is a drug user, have men living with him, and someone who dates many women -- even married women? Also any suggestions as to how to handle someone who is reckless with the child who is autistic? Help.

Name: divco New Member

One thing which helps when you are dealing with a less then a reliable co-parent is insist that that separation agreement be followed to the letter unless there is an emergency.

This takes the guess work as to vacations and days when you will and will not have the children. Do not consent to your ex-vacation plans with the children if it conflicts with your plans if you were suppose to pick the week first. This will only set an expectation that everything in your separation agreement is negotiable and you will be subject to your ex’s whims

Name: bak New Member

Natalie thanks for sharing that link. I too am in a similiar situation. Everything is always my fault. No matter what I try to do or what form of commucation I suggest it blows up in my face. Our son is only 13 months old and he left when he was eight weeks old. I am struggling with the co-parenting and communication with him and fear it will only get worse. It's so hard to know what the right thing to do is.

Name: The Parentectomy New Member

Your children need both parents. Try to see a co-parenting specialist as soon as you can. Taking sole custody of the children will only provoke your ex further and it doesn't help your children to lose parenting time with their father.

Name: NatalieAtSGO New Member

Hello. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Probably the best thing you could do would be to use the internet to correspond with your ex. My suggestion would to look into a website like the one I work for. The company I work for has a software called Shared Ground Online that allows people to create a parenting plan that can be accessed online. When changes are made to the calendar and automatic email is generated to both parents. This would be a good alternative for you. You would know he receives notice and you'd have a documented email you could print.

Hopefully, if you use a product/service like this, you would be able to eliminate a lot of the abusive behavior your ex is throwing toward you.

I hope this helps you.

Natalie