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Name: snglmom25 New Member   Title: Bad Mouthing Ex's signicant Other

Ok here's my issue, What I am struggling with is that I don't say negative things about my daughters father but I have been bad mouthing my ex-friend and now his significant other. I feel "replaced" in my life by this person and feel like they coveted my life. I do whatever I can to foster a relationship with her father but can't foster a relationship with this person.

My Ex left me and my daughter for someone who was a friend of his but who I had befriended through the course of our relationship/marriage. She came to my wedding, Baby shower, lived in the apartment in our house, worked and car pooled with my ex etc.....
Don't get me wrong I know the ultimate fault lies with him and alot of my anger is misdirected at this person but since for my daughters sake I can't direct it at him I find myself directing ALL of my anger at her.

Through the whole divorce process I have tried very hard to take the high road, went through mediatation pick and chose my battles etc....

However, I don't want to damage my daughter but when she comes up I see red. I ask her questions about this persons level of involvement when my daughters by her dads etc...

I don't want to make my child uncomfortable but I find myself saying negative things about her. Can this emotionally damage my child? When her father left my daughter was 2 but now she is 4.

Name: PASA-NJ New Member

In short, yes it can emotionally damage your child. It is called Parental Alienation (which, by the way, doesn't have to be directed at only a parent). However, it is quite common after divorce, and I completely empathize with your feelings about your ex's new girlfriend. I suggest you find a therapist to help you deal with your feelings so your daughter won't be your outlet and ally. I would also find a women's support group where you can vent and receive encouragement and positive support.

No doubt what you are going through is difficult. You do need to take care of yourself and come to terms with the hurt that you experienced. However, because you are aware of what you are doing makes it very easy for your to change your behavior. Just remember, you are not alone, this happens often and is almost a natural reaction. Nonetheless, for the benefit of your daughter, please find another outlet.

Feel free to e-mail directly at parentalalienationnj@gmail.com.

Warm Regards,
Anna
www.pasanj.org

Name: Den Of Earth New Member

Either way you cut it I wouldnt talk bad about either one if at all possible in front of your child. In the long run it may come back to bite you in the ass. You dont have to like this person but for the sake of your childs happiness I wouldnt talk bad about this person in front of her. As hard as it is for you everything I have read points to it only making things worse in the long run(for you and for them). If you wish your child to continue to have a happy relationship with her father then try to just ignore this person as much as possible for your kids sake. Just try to keep in mind that your child comes first in this and not your feelings toward this person.