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Name: harobed Member   Title: ss Ontario

Well 5 years ago my STBX wanted a divorce (he had cheated). We worked to stay together as at the time I believed him when he said he changed his mind and wanted to stay. Now after this time he dropped a bomb and said he wants out after 23years right after new years and days before my Bday. He refuses to give me any information regarding his work assets, rrsp's will not give me anything. Our house is not worth anything as he has never been able to stay in a budget. He makes over $105,000. , I make 33800. I believe he waited so he wouldnt have to pay CS. But our daughter is still in school college (19) wants to go to University for a degree I dont know if that means he still has to pay CS. I want to see a lawyer but without the information he refuses to give me what do I do. I know there are a lot of people on here who think its wrong to ask for SS but I feel he should have to pay and I will be asking for him to pay until I am 65 or get remarried(which will never happen). If we had paid down our mortgage over the last 12 years I would have been happy not asking for SS and would have just taken the 1/2 of the money from
the sale of home. Does anyone know how much I should ask for SS. I would like to keep the house even though it is maxed mortgage but not a must. But if I knew approx. how much ss I would get I could put together a budget. I am very hurt that he waited until now to end it. I would stay married but not unless he agreed to see a finiancal planner and go to counceling which I dont think he would argee to. Very sad and hard to answer daughters questions.

Name: ozarksdogwoods New Member

Agree completely with JennyRose about the house. It's frequently not a good idea to keep the house after the divorce is final when you don't have the income to support ongoing payments, which is this case sound substantial. Best to consider selling home, paying down debt (get debt free), and stay debt free. You might wish to search this website for financial information: http://www.daveramsey.com/ I took Dave's Financial Peace class and it was the best thing I ever did. He has a partner website -- https://www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com/ -- which is subscription based and allows you to prepare and monitor budgets. And please stop asking for information about assets and debts as it's obvious that he's not going to partner with you and likely will do everything he can to protect HIS own self. Play the peacemaker while becoming your own private detective, search the house for important financial information (especially past tax returns and home purchase/finance documents) while he's at work and make copies for yourself (keep copies out of house with trusted family member). Talk with a divorce financial planner so you know what to expect in a divorce and the years to come and also consult with attorney who specializes in divorce mediation, otherwise, you BOTH will end up with huge legal bills. Prepare yourself and you'll come out okay. He will have to pay spousal support and while I don't know what the laws are in Canada, you may qualify for half of his pension, if he has one. Be a strong woman. You've got it in you...

Name: harobed Member

Thanks for your comments JennyRose. This is still so fresh for me but I think I am ready to move on. I keep asking him for our assets and debts and he still ignores me. The worst thing is when he comes home and still ignores everything. I dont want to spend money I dont have on something that he could provide without any extra cost to either of us. So him still trying to keep control of everything and everyone.

Name: JennyRose Member

"I get what ever is left to make up the 53% in child support. sorry........that should of read....I get whatever is left to make up the 53% in Spousal support.

Name: JennyRose Member

I'm also in Ontario. If your child continues on with their education after high school your husband will have to pay child support until they turn 23 or get their first degree. He will be also be responsible for half the expenses related to getting it....tuition, books. I know because I went throug it. As for SS....I'm not sure how much you will get but I know you will get something. I was married for 36 years....I was a stay at home mom.....I got 53% of his net disposible income. He has to pay what ever the child support tables say and I get what ever is left to make up the 53% in child support. For an example when we first split the judge gave me $1800 in Child support and $1700 Spousal support.
Think long and hard about wanting to keep the house. It isn't always a good move All of your assets will have to be split in half and if he gets cash and you get house with debts it can be draining on you.
Don't be afraid. Fear can rob you of your peace of mind. you are going to be just fine !!! Get yourself a good lawyer. A judge will order him to turn over all information needed. In the mean time document everything you can and get any information you can. Knowledge is power !!! You go girl !!!