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Name: LovingDad New Member   Title: How much is too much?

So what is fair? (sorry this will be a bit lengthy)

I am in the process of discussing with my wife what the financial arrangements will be to be put intot the divorce decree (which we only filed about 2 weeks ago so we have a little time to go).
Here is the current siutation. Ii work full time and my wife for the past 9 years stayed home (by choice) Earlier this year she took on a part time job at the preschool where my my daugther attends and doesn't make a whole lot (about $1000 per month). During the time we were married (13 years) she attempted to go back to school on 2 different occassions to only give up.

I have always supported her decision to be a stay at home mother but have always maintained that I equally supported her to go back to school or to work fulltime - as long as we planned it in a way in which to not cause undue burdens (financial or otherwise) to the the family

As we began to discuss our current budget - she has basically asked that I pay way more than just child support. She is basically asking me to fund towards everything (that she is lumping into child support) an amount that is 75% of my salary.

I have never complained and will never complain about taking care of my children even more than that the state required % - and I even want to help her get on her feet but I can't see any judge agreeing to this amount of request.
Basically she is asking me to pay for everything that I pay for today (Mortgage, Vehicle, Insurance , utilities, grocery and fuel) as it exists in our married budget. I don't find this to be a fair request. At least not something to be put in without any limitations or time constraints.
I understand that Texas has spousal maintenance - but I just can't see that it would require somone to pay that much % between child support and spousal maintenance. I might even agree to pay that for a set period of time like 2 years but cant' see paying that amount until all childeren reach the age of 18 (which will be awhile).

My main concern is that the children are not severely impacted (financially or otherwise).

I know there are no hard or fast rules but what has anyone experienced in terms of how much one might be legally required to pay vs. how to structure a deal that would give her some temporary assistance (2-3 years) that would either cease or at minimum be reviewable to see where she is in terms of her own financial independence..

Name: savefamilies New Member

It sounds to me like your wife doesn't want the family to be broken up and wants to keep her side of the commitment. If your main concern is that your children not be severely impacted, then don't get divorced. Please, please--do everything you can do to work it out. Everyone's mantra is "children are resilient, they'll be okay," which seemingly justifies all the things being done to them. You and your wife chose to get married and have children. Together you made decisions that determined what was done with money, time, and assets--hopefully you did it in the best interest of the entire family. For example, having your wife working at home as a fulltime mother is the best gift you two could have given your children. Good for you! People don't get married to get divorced--they plan on being together their whole lives. They make a commitment to one another and their future children--legal, and often religious as well. With no-fault divorce laws, marriage has become almost meaningless--a "I'll stay as long as I want, and if I don't want, I'll go." I applaud states that support helping someone keep at least his financial commitment to his family. Please don't divorce. Forgive one another; remember your love; think of your children.

Name: JennyRose Member

..........I'm thinking "befair" is the 2nd wife..........what do you think?

Name: befair New Member

She is a nut job. Get your own lawyer for heaven's sake. In your decree, you should negotiate for only what the law says you have to pay. If you want to do extra for the kids later, fine, but if you have it in writing then you're stuck. Don't forget that you will eventually remarry and have another family, and it is so not fair to you and your next wife to have all the cash going to the 1st wife who thinks she is entitled. GET A LAWYER!

Name: cwrein New Member

Welcome to the world of divorce. I don't know what state you live, but one of the most fair states is Texas. Of course you have Child Support, which is generally a percentage of your income. Then you have Spousal Support. Texas limits it to 3 years, but most other states can have the support last a lifetime, even if you were only married for 13 years, were completely faithful, and didn't want a divorce. As you mentioned, you supported your wife in her decision to further her education, but she quit. Unless you're in Texas, the laws are not on your side. Please do some research on your own about what your current state laws say. You may be shocked. I'm in Florida, and it, along with many other states, has very "Un-Fair" alimony laws. There are people trying to update these laws to make them more "Fair" for everyone.
I know you're in an emotionally difficult place right now. We've all been there. We want to do the right thing, but don't want to be "raped."
Get involved in your state's movement. There are people who can help you understand your rights and possibly provide suggestions to help you.
Good Luck!

Name: madalex Member

Now it begins! You have one income that now has to cover two households. You wife wants to continue to live in the manner to which she has become accustomed, but you can't support her in that way and your own hosuehold on your current income. That simply will not work. The sooner you make your wife realize this, the better.

In a 13 year marriage, you can expect to be paying spousal support for 4 - 7 years. It's going to be more than 2 years, but it is not going to be until your kids are 18.

You can pay your wife spousal support/alimony for a certain period of time to help her get back on her feet. But, do not pay one penny more than the state mandated child support! This creates a very bad precedent for the future. I am not saying do not support your children. But, supporting your children and paying child support are two different things.

If it is not already clear - get an attorney to help you with this. You should not try to do this alone. Also, check out the forums on dadsdivorce.com, where you will get some excellent advice for how to deal with this situation.