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Name: sharp7   Title: Contempt of court

I took my ex-husband to court for contempt on multiple issues that he was ordered to due. He was given a new payment schedule for his back child support....and is now not paying those. We already have a court date in December for him in contempt again because he feels he should not have to pay attorney fee reimbursement of $10,000 which he was ordered by the judge the very first court hearing. I really rely on his support and he won't comply with anything. He thinks he is above the law. My attorney thinks that he will go to jail in December for contempt but she told me to just wait to do anything about the child support but I can't. Any advice?

Name: B2RUE New Member

For "sharp7" and any other in a similar situation: There is absolutely no need for anyone to feel they must justify their position in their fight to obtain that which is legally and (in my estimation) morally their's to have.

PEOPLE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!!!!!! When you get married to another, it is a LEGAL and BINDING contract therefore you are AGREEING when you marry, that you will abide by this legal contract. Furthermore, when you have a child with another there are certain responsibilities that are now yours to honor.
These things you surely KNOW before you choose to marry or choose to have a child with another so this is not some unknown coming out of left field. This is a KNOWN and inevitable fact. The time to protest is not after you have already commited yourself, but now have changed your mind. The only appropriate protest for this is PREEMPTIVE ie, do not commit yourself to something you will not be responsible for, It;s really quite simple.
PEACE OUT

Name: B2RUE New Member

I am aghast at some of the comments being written on this forum. Have I stumbled on to the wrong site? This is supposed to be a SUPPORT forum am I not correct? I do hope that the one who calls themselves "XisBitterGreedyB tch" has enough sense to promptly take their leave from this forum of SUPPORT as there is no place here or anywhere in this world for such egregiously hateful and harmful language towards another human being. Firstly, I would like to say, in support of all women who elected to stay at home to be with their children I staunchly believe that if this decision was agreed upon by both partners in the marriage, the dynamic of the marital relationship is then different in comparison to the relationship of a couple who decides to both work outside of the home and hire someone to come in to the home and care for the children.

Secondly, I do not espouse either one over the other as I do not feel either choice is a factor in whether or not a child will grow up happy and healthy. More important in my estimation, is that there be CONTINUITY by way of RESPECT, HONESTY and CONSIDERATION in so far as the decisions made between the two and their behaviors towards one another.

However, if the couple does decide that one will stay home with the children, the following is true (true as in absolute, constant and unwavering):

1) Both parties in the marriage are now "working" and contributing to the home, family, and relationship.
2) Both parties are compromised differently due to this arrangement whereby the one choosing to stay home will now, incrementally with each passing year, decrease their potential earning ability with regard to working outside of the home and the one choosing to work outside of the home will not be able to spend as much time being with the children.
3. Because our society depends upon a system of currency to exchange for that which is necessary for one to survive; and one who elects to stay at home to care for the children is not actually paid or given this currency for their time, the one electing to stay at home becomes DEPENDANT upon the one with the currency. This situation then can potentially become an OPPORTUNITY for the one with the currency to thus take ADVANTAGE of the one at home leaving the one at home VULNERABLE to becoming exploited or even abused.

However, if there remains a TRUST and APPRECIATION between the two parties, this is not likely to happen.

Some of the comments I have read here tonight are disturbing to me in that there seems to be a severe lack of respect, appreciation and value for one who elects to stay at home to care for the children. Furthermore, and even more disturbing is the placement of greater value and worth in the one with the currency or buying power versus the one caring for the children at home. This saddens me greatly and gives me pause to wonder why women are so cruel and judgmental to other women instead of lending their support and understanding to one another.

I certainly fail completely in understanding where the bitterness and hateful anger is coming from.
COMPASSION...I consider this to be a higher level emotion within the essence of our HUMANITY, it separates us from our selfish nature and brings us together as one in understanding.

PEACE OUT

Name: opal New Member

I am going through the whole gamut of emotions as I read the these answers. Part of me wants to be bitter. I sarcrificed for my family only to be cheated on and lied to. He is begging me to forgiven him again and to be try again. I can not. Then comes the subtle threats of how bad my life will be without him. I am able to financially support myself only because I was able to go to school with the help of my in-laws and my family and the will to defy him and bust my butt. However he sacrificed our life by not honoring us. Now I have to raise a child, take care of a house and be alone. So how is wrong to want child support that is fair? If I was not able to go to school because I was sacrificing for my child, how would that be a an alimony whore? Even though the guilt and being alone has caused him to suffer, part of me wants him to understand that he deserves to suffer and nothing he goes through will equal the hell he has put me through. That said I only want what is fair. I just want to be able to move on without so much pain and worry.

Name: baker79 New Member

wow...i was going to come on here for support of some kind...but what is going on here is enough to make me cry...out of anger, and sadness. This isn't support for all that is going on is alot of bashing each other. Women have all kinds of struggles and situations, but not one can judge. Some get bitter, and move on faster in life for they got the drive to do so, some get depressed and can't make it out of bed in the morning for they seem to have lost everything they had known, Some gave up their whole lives, so that their spouses could work, and the homelife could be taken care of. Being an at home mom is the hardest job emotionally and mentally, and it is a choice, but it is one made by both partners and sometimes there is NO other choice but to choose kids over a career. But like said on here, EVERY child deserves child support. Because the cost of raising children on your own, fulltime, is very costly....and difficult to have all the added responsibility, along with the stress of a break up....daycares, food, apartments with enough bedrooms, birthdays, christmas, clothes.....the things that most men seem to forget about. Courts take into consideration what is owed, and if the father is unable to afford child support, than the amount decreased, but at least the responsibility and action is there. The bitterness goes away, for you see that the man you once loved and devoted your time to, has put his kids first. And than MAYBE life can go on. So please everyone, listen to someones story before you judge.....it doesn't matter what era you are in or from, it started with two people in love.....and ended with a break up and kids involved. Kids come first. For they are the ones who are secretly hurting.

Name: JennyRose Member

WndrWmn........I suppose that stands for wonder woman. I am so happy that you have the ability to earn over $100,000 a year. And I guess you consider yourself special too because you can juggle a job, husband and 2 children. What really amazes me is that you are so quick to judge another woman so harshly. I raised our 10 children and did daycare for over 20 years to help contribute to our finances. I didn't go to the gym or out to lunch to gossip with my friends. Wow......I just can't believe that another woman could be so condescending to another mother. You should know how hard it is. I'm not in court suing my husband for support. I have no need to.......half the pension is legally mine ......and half of everything else I worked so hard for. It is easy for one to feel superior and above the situation that those members of this site are in. I am curious as to why your are even wasting your time here seeing that everything is so perfect in your life. Makes a person wonder.................
I hope that you never find yourself in our situation. You might feel different then.

Name: Life is good New Member

In faith 58------ my ex spouse is also self employeed with multiple businesses, It is not about jail it is about us our pride that his been controled and stolen from us. If you have a good case with outstanding owed to you there are attorney's who work off of fee's collected. If you live in South CA I might be able to assist you. It is up to us to make the most of what we are ENTITLED to.

Name: Life is good New Member

I am in the same situation with my ex spouse everything in our judgement he has defaulted on. I am in process of filing contempt and also back support. I depend on the support to get me through going to school so I would not need the support any more. However he remarried one year after divorce to gold digger who spends everything and more ( shoes 2,000.00 and dresses 3,000.00) that is more than what most of us live on. The facts are I refuse to be a door mat any more and I gave all assests to him. blah blah blah He must be held responsible with the court order. Are there Family law codes that enforce spousal support?
Chin up!!!
:)

Name: WndrWmn39 New Member

JennyRose.....This is for you and all the women out there who are just like you- I am a 30 year old female who has never been divorced. I am a female who is still currently paying off student loans, but also makes over $100,000 + a year and I have to say that I am ashamed of some women who are so dependent on their husbands/ex-husbands that they feel they are entitled to EVERYTHING if the relationship doesn't work out. They are probably the same women who have been weak and dependant on their parents or boyfriends their entire lives. Things have changed this last century, whether you are a man OR a woman. No one should be ENTITLED to anything. It is your children who are entitled to the monitary support, not anyone else. And shame on you if you have been so dependent on others that you cannot sustain on your own. If you chose to stay home with the children, that was exactly it...a choice. You chose to stay at home and go to the gym, have lunch and gossip with friends, or go shopping while your significant other was at work supporting your family all those years. You weren't slaving over a hot stove all day while your husband/ex-husband worked all day, and I doubt that you were doing anything philanthropic with your free time so save the excuses, please. What makes me mad more than anything is these kinds of women who say that they "contributed" to the marriage after a certain amount of time. What exactly did you contribute to? I feel you are being greedy, like the others say. Do you know that now a days more than 70% of women are currently in the work force? They seem to be able to suppor tthemselves, so why can't you? You seem like you are just a bitter ex-wife and miserable with your current situation. I am very sorry for you, but it is not too late. Pick yourself up, stop depending on others (mainly your ex) and go get a job!!! I may have to juggle my husband, my job, and my kids, while is very difficult at times.....BUT, I know that if things work out I will NEVER have to be a bitter Ex that is always in court trying to screw my ex for money. I know that I can survive on my own.

Name: XisBitterGreedyB_tch New Member

Just in case you OUT OF TOUCH with reality alimony whores haven't heard, there is a RECESSION. More than likely he can't pay.

Why don't you try something NEW and GET A JOB.

He deserves a life after you and from your posting you sound like the b-tch from hell, so i'm sure being married to you was punishment enough.

Name: JennyRose Member

whatisgoingon........ If you had two young children when you divorced maybe then you had the luxury of youth on your side. When a woman is over 50 and has devoted so many years of her life to being the stay at home mother her options are not quite the same. Financially she does need it. Finding oneself depending on another for your financial needs can make you bitter. Not even taking into account the betrayal of the one you thought loved you.
In my case I was married for over 36 years. I had planned for my future and worked together with my husband to build our home and a secure future. He wanted out of the marriage and I obliged. GO !! But that doesn't mean that at over 50 I plan to start my life over again. I will continue from here on......... Just minus him !! Half the pension is mine and half of everything else. Not because I expect him to pay my way but because I have earned it.

Name: whatisgoingon New Member

peace4all[----------Wow. I think every person who had custody of the children deserves to obtain child support, period. Spousal support is a different story. I have seen so many women who treat their husbands terribly and when the husband leaves they are hell bent in hurting them in anyway possible.
At 50 years old, with two adult children, it is not your ex-husbands responsibility to support you for life. That is greed. For an ex-husband to pay spousal support that is within his limits for a short duration of time is expected depending on the duration of the marriage.
Oh, and yes, I am divorced. Raised two young children on my own. I picked myself up, got a job and did what I had to do. My ex-husband lost his job and I was not going to waste my time fighting, I had two children. That is what is wrong with a lot of people out there....you expect others to pay your way. Not because you financially need it, but because you are bitter.

Name: peace4all New Member

Oh! One more thing! I would much rather see him in JAIL!! If he is not paying then hey no point in assuming he is going to comply! This way at least he can sit and wallow in the never ending days in jail that you will have to keep pushing faster through the system! Eventually it will be systematic.

Name: peace4all New Member

(esfl1) Response to your comment or should I say desperate attempt to justify what you claim to be GREED! Try to look at it like this if you will! Who is it that that devoted wife/homemaker/cleaning lady/ laundry attendant/chef/dishwasher/childcare provider/transportation cabby to turn to for financial support after her bottom feeding husband sucked the life out her and her pre-marital assets that he made sure he dipped his grubby little hands in. Have you ever thought about how much a homemaker/wife/mother actually looses in the event of a divorce? So please spare the 'Get a job"! AND YOUR GREEDY BULL-----! You have no clue what it's like to have been abandoned by your sole provider whom might I add. "WAS VERY ADAMENT THAT WIFE REMAIN IN THE HOME AS A HOMEMAKER!" Gee! I wonder why? Do you think she was prepared for the day he walked out? Leaving absolutely NO financial resources! The best part! Only later to be served foreclosure papers on the home you invested all your pre-marital monies into? I'm sure that she should just swallow that right? And the topper of it all was what she later found out. that he lied and the mortgage was in fact not paid to current and instead the scum yeah! scum! used the financial resources that were to pay the mortgage current however he went out and purchased himself a 2001 Cadillac! Yeah! So CAN your "maybe he just don't have the money to support anymore crap! In my opinion HE BEST GET OFF HIS A--! AND FIND HOW EVER MANY JOBS IT WILL TAKE EVEN IF HE HAS NO LIFE OR IS TIRED AND HIS FINGERS BLEED FROM OVERTIME! I GUESS HE SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE THROWING HIS OWN CHILDREN UNDER A BUS FOR WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS A BETTER LIFE OR SHOULD I SAY AN EASY SELFISH WAY OUT.

Name: esfl1 New Member

Maybe your EX husband no longer has the income to support you. Maybe you should grow up and support yourself instead of leeching off of someone else and threatening him with jail. Your problem isn't your husband, its GREED. My wife makes $20,000 a year more than I do but she was awarded alimony, our home, our bank accounts, our cars, our belongings by a female judge who completely disregarded the fact that my wife left me after I lost my job after spending 14 days in intensive care after an accident. Husbands have a right to a life too. Grow up and support yourself and leave the poor man alone. Its a shame he ever married someone like you.

Name: pminct

So if he goes to jail, he won't be able to work and pay you anything as well??? So jail is NOT the solution. He needs to work and have his pay attached.

Find out where he works, talk to the employer, and have your child support deducted from his pay before he gets it. MY ex pays me child support each week through work (but his job may be ending soon due to change of season, so if he doesn't work, I guess I can't get my child support). Go to his employer, or to the state, and attach his wages so they have to pay you first!!!

Wish I knew what else to tell you.

Patty in CT

Name: infaith58

I wish I could help but I am in the same situation as you, so I will be monitering this blog for answers. What do we do when the ex doesnt pay what is court ordered. Mine is selfemployed so jailing him is counter productive. He cant make money if he is behind bars! Meanwhile I am living in poverty.