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Name: infinityrose New Member  
Title: 33 year marriage & support
I'm in CA and was a sahm through the marriage & raised four children, I have no work experience except living on a ranch with livestock. My ex made up his mind to leave and had his ducks in a row, assets are gone, house is sold. He has remarried a woman that makes $8,000.00 a month, he makes about 140k a year not counting his trust fund. He has reduced my support to $1,000.00 a month. My medical insurance was dropped and cobra is $450.00. I needed surgery for a compressed disc & am recovering. I have been in college with a 3.5 gpa, but I still don't have a major. I have been selling stock from the settlement to pay bills. I still have an attorney (I can't pay) and more court dates to discontinue support completely. What do I do? At this point I'm 57 and have some physical limitations, after all those years how can I make just enough to pay my bills?

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Name: beenhad
me to i thought it was me geez it only been 13 for me i guess im lucky
Name: cynmab
How long have you recieved support? Did you ask the courts for your ex to be responsible for legal bills? i feel for you -i am just beginning a divorce after 26yrs -and i don't know this man anymore-like your ex he has decieved me for a long time.
Name: whataday
I am also in CA.,married 35 years and living in Texas when my husband decided to "drop out" of his profession and married life to travel and find himself. He has found himself in Colorado where he has now after years of seperation, filed for a "self help" divorce.although he is now working for a law firm there. He hasn't paid a dime since the day he left (a note on the kitchen counter informed us of his plans). This forced our home into forclosure. I moved to CA with my teenage daughter to live with family. He has pulled every trick in the book on this so called do it yourself divorce. It is through court mediation specialists in CO Springs and is going to Default Final order this coming week. ~~ without required documents being sent to me. I have never been able talk to the mediator in the case -only his clerk who drops my calls and sends phamtom e- mail. I do not have funds to hire an out of state attorney and am advised to trust in the legal system. Hmmmmmm....Trust?
Any advice out there?
Name: Pam313
Geez, I thought I was the only one married for 33 years that found myself in the divorce business. I am SS Disability, a whole $562 a month, for degenerative disc and joint. My husband threw me out of the home we rented in FL and I had to drive back to OH to live with my mother (not fun). He wanted a cheapy FL dissolution....yeah, me walk away with nothing is what the creep wanted. So, I borrowed $3722 from my mother and filed up here in OH. Made the old boy very angry. We have 2 adult sons who remain in FL. My husbnad thinks he is going to get away with paying me like $200 a week. Everyone around these parts tells me that he is in for a BIG shock. Throwing me out for no reason after a 33 yr. marriage and me being on disability. I hope the attorny takes him to the cleaners. From what my sons tell me, their dad has gone "Middle Age Crazy"....pierced his ear, hanging out in the bars, etc. No women, yet. I can NEVER go back to work. I was a Paramedic here in OH before we moved to FL 4 years ago. One good thing, he is not coming up for any hearings and is not responding to the pleading he received from my attorney. So, how do you guys think this going to go? I am having knee surgery May 9, 2007 and will walk into Court with a walker on May 31, 2007. My Judge is a woman.
You guys in this boat have my deepest sympathy,. All we gave of ourselves to these horse's rear ends and we end up getting it in the end!!!!
Name: Irishgirlssss
my husband is doing the same.........He hurt my disc and just got rid of our insurance to group which I know I will be declined.He has planed it for years.He and his mistress have abusiness together I can not prove yet.He is a alcoholic cruel mean and a sociopath.Im almost 50.I never worked I stupidly paid cash for the house which no doubt unless there is justice I will loose.My kids are ready for a nervous break down afraid.I guess media is my next option.The world may as well know.
Name: stunned
Judging from the number of responses, this scenario must be quite common. After 30 years I was lucky I came away with just enough to live on, forget maintaining the standard of living I had helped build over time. While I have a teaspoon to fill the big hole it left in my financial security, he has a bulldozer to fill his. Where is the accountability for these cheating men? It was gone with the advent of "no fault" divorce. Regarding dealing with adult children, it's hard because you see a cloud come over them and it affects many aspects of their lives. It hurts your heart, but at the same time, you have no past experience with this so you don't know what to do.
Name: butterfly49
What does your attorney say at this point? How long have you been getting your support? How in the world after 33 years is he only paying 1000.00 per month. Did he simply just quit paying the original amount or did he get it changed in court? This sure seems so unfair for you. I guess no one said divorce is fair though. I am sorry to hear you are being treated this way. My divorce experience is still very new and the only thing I've learned so far is that the attorneys are so bogged down with so many cases that I have had to stay on top of the communication with my attorney to get any information.
Name: FamilyForever
I'm in the same boat; 22 years, 3 kids (14, 18 and 20). I've been an independent contractor doing typing but cannot do this for prolonged periods due to car accident/back injury, etc. I need benefits. I put him through school for his Masters; now he walks away from 2 "adult" children (over 18) leaving me with what?? I have no benefits, no retirement, no nothing. The kicker, I deposited my 'settlement' and my inheritance in our joint account to the tune of 200,000 and that is gone. He planned the divorce, I'm sure he siphoned money; I just don't know how to find the account?! Yes, there is another woman involved. Stupid man. The way I see it, he will have his full salary within 5 years' time and I will be on welfare!
Name: gterobert New Member
sorry to hear that. from chicago.

www.newlife.com

www.spiritlessons.com
Name: lewlane
Helloe everyone!

I want tosay that I have been divorced for 4 yrs. I have visited this website so muchover this time. I have hurt I have healed. As far as spousa suppor goe, I too was married for 33 years. The spousal supporit is not something I can count on. He seems to have figured out the system. He pays every now and then but enough that mainenance will do anythingabout it.

What I would like to know form others .... how did you deal with your adult children when gongtru this divorce. Mine have bee ok at times and then get really mean.. If I could do something for them I would but they just do not want to cominicate.

I wasnot the one that left for another person, he did.
Name: pretty and alone
Damn! I have disc problems, hubby hiding money and a trust.I will pray 4 u
Name: Joanie6726
There are laws he has to abide by concerning spousal support!! He can't just reduce your support without an order from a judge! In PA, my ex has to give me 8 years of spousal support (1 year for each 3 years fo marriage and we just passed 25 years) There are formulas the judge follows to figure out the amount of support! You need to fight this!!!!
Name: Linda13
You might want to go to a book store or library and first educate yourself on the divorce process and how it works in your state. You should also be able to find information on the internet and at the court house. The more information you have...the better position you will be to know what you can do next. I have found out the hard way...you can not trust all lawyers...some of them are only in it to take you for all they can. Educate yourself. At first it is scary, but the more you read, the more you will get it.
Name: gr8ful
I too think you got the shaft! Your attorney should be ashamed of himself! I agree... go get yourself a new attorney asap and get spousal support! Best of luck to you! The end of the tunnel is not the train... hang in there and have faith!
Name: Lin New Member
To Tootsie,

I totally 100% agree with you. Why in the world should a woman who has devoted her life to her no good husband and divorced thru no fault of her own lose anything or everything while the cheating rotten husband gain and benefit from the divorce. Did she not help raise their children, take part in their business, wash his clothes, make his meals, etc, etc, etc. The laws need to change regarding woman that have to suffer and start all over financially when divorce comes about.
Name: Tootsie New Member
Get a new lawyer - 33 years should entitle you to benefits and support - Your Ex could pay your legal fees (or at least part) as part of the settlement. You are entitled to live the life you were accustomed to before the divorce. Pick yourself up, get a free consult and don't settle for any less than you deserve. Good Luck!
Name: infinityrose New Member
After three years, one suicide attempt, being without a home for 9 months, and on several medications, I signed the final papers. He had offered a settlement and continuation of my medical insurance if I would sign, then he backed out on both. I can't go back. My ex asked for a bifurcation, so he would be single right after he filed the papers. I seem to be the object of his rage at getting older (mid-life?). I still don't understand any of this or how to get anyone to listen to me. I think the light at the end of the tunnel is a train.
Name: cheeps New Member
I don't know what kind of lawyer you have but they can't be very good! You deserve alimony...why aren't you getting it. What happened??? What did you settle on?
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