Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.
~ Mary Kay Blakely
Getting a divorce is terrifying for the average person under average circumstances. Unlike other aspects of life, it does not necessarily get easier once you start the process. In fact, as you learn more about the legalities and finances, and as you get deeper into tasks such as dividing assets and debts, negotiating child custody, and addressing home, money, and job issues, it usually gets more difficult.
Just as you turn your life over to a surgeon when under¬going an operation, in a divorce you are asked to turn your well-being over to a number of different professionals, such as accountants, attorneys, and counselors. Having to trust these people with your financial and emotional welfare can cer¬tainly feel as though your life depends on their performance.
However, as daunting as it is, thousands of people divorce every day. The key to having a better divorce is to make sure you get all the support you need. For many people, this support is a divorce team that addresses their legal, financial, and emotional needs.
Although the process is not a linear one (meaning that it doesn’t necessarily get better or easier with time), keep in mind that this ordeal will end, life will return to “normal” again, and you will regain your strength.
Just as we physically recover from surgery, our minds, hearts, and spirits recuperate from marital dissolution. It’s a difficult process, even under the best of circumstances, but you will survive, and there is a new life awaiting you on the other side.
I will survive this ordeal.
This article has been edited and excerpted from Stronger Day By Day with permission by New Harbinger Publications, Inc, copyright © 2010, Susan Pease Gadoua is the author of Contemplating Divorce, A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go (August 2008), and Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce (July 2010). Susan is a licensed therapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area with an expertise in marriage and divorce.
Other articles by Susan Pease Gadoua
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