Studies show that nearly 57% of men and 54% of women will commit adultery at some point during their marriage. This majority is astonishing. I was also astonished to discover how universal some of the motivations are behind the drive for cheating.
When it comes to adultery, you are sure to come across a variety of opinions, judgments, and strong emotional reactions. For instance, have you ever wondered what type of brokenness or loneliness would make someone choose to look elsewhere? Or do you believe adultery is simply a sex-driven act?
Below you will find three reasons given by men, and three by women, for why they cheated. For all the differences between the sexes, it appears our reasons are often much the same.
Men need to know that their efforts do not go unnoticed. They need to feel needed and appreciated. It’s as simple as a sincerely-felt “Thank you for all you do”, “I appreciate you”, or “How was your day?” Simple, but powerful gestures.
Men want to know that their significant other still finds them attractive. They want to be wanted, “lusted” after. They want to know that their spouse is still interested and finds them sexy.
Men want to know that they satisfy their partner's needs, especially in the bedroom. They also want to be attended to themselves. When a man feels he is pleasing his spouse, and his own needs are equally being met, his interest tends to stay at home.
Women long for their husbands to understand and appreciate them. This can be especially true for women who have chosen to stay at home as caregivers. Again, a sincerely felt “Thank you”, “I appreciate you”, or “Can I help you?” goes a long way. But feeling unappreciated, undervalued, and lonely can push someone in the other direction.
Women crave “Don’t stop!” passion! They want to feel like their partner can’t get enough of them. Trouble comes when the sex is no longer hitting the mark. Women, like men, will cheat due to a boring sex life.
A woman wants to feel that her spouse is concentrating on her—solely on her, in all areas. But she can feel emotionally and mentally drained by a husband who cheated on her. Women stated, “I needed to feel wanted, attractive, but mostly touched and attended to.” When a husband cheats, he becomes less able to be there for her in the ways she needs.
Absolutely no one deserves the shock and betrayal of being cheated on. It causes a ripple effect in all parties, not just the one who did the cheating. Getting caught up in the day-to-day chores of parenting, coaching, bill-paying, housecleaning, etc., we lose sight of tending and paying attention to our spouse. Neglecting their needs, and yours. Marriages are hard; whoever said they weren’t, LIED.
As I always say: “What it takes to get them, is what it takes to keep them.”