Re-Boot Your Femininity During Divorce

By: Shan White
Last Update: November 18, 2016
re-discovering femininity during divorce

If you are a woman going through or recovering from divorce, have you ever said something like this to yourself?: 

“I feel shut down, closed off, and numb. I need to protect myself and not show weakness or vulnerability.”

But, if you have ever seen a momma bear protecting her cubs, you know that the feminine force is in no way weak.

Natalie Peace, contributor at Forbes Magazine, alludes to this metaphor in her article entitled “The Awesome Power of Femininity” and goes on to say: “Visionary women have helped shift the landscape, showing us new models of leadership that include natural feminine qualities like softness, kindness, giving, and emoting. Authentic relating has become the focus of many organizations committed to fostering team dynamics where people feel safe and supported in doing their best work.”

Things to Consider in Cultivating Your Authentic Feminine Self to Counter Being Tough During Divorce:(These concepts, in great part, are inspired by my mentor and coach extraordinaire, Stacey Martino.)

You don’t have to be taught how to be feminine. The truth is -- you know how to be feminine naturally and instinctually. The only thing you need to practice is learning how to drop your protective barrier that keeps you from being the authentic and real you. It starts with an awareness of when you are creating a wall of defensiveness and starting to close off and shut down. It can be challenging, at first, but with practice you get better and better at it. If you can be consciously aware of putting up walls, you can be consciously aware of letting them down.

Femininity isn’t about how you look. It’s not about your clothing, hairstyle, make-up, or jewelry. Instead, it’s about how you are ‘being’, which emanates from the inside. Being feminine isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” way of being. It has many different flavors. The beauty is you get to choose what being feminine looks like for you. 

The core quality of femininity is openness. Feminine energy “takes it all in”. It’s about being vulnerable, nurturing, welcoming, energetic, and excitable. It seeks pleasure, and is able to feel everything! It enjoys the ebb and flow of a wide range of emotions. It can show up as being silly, goofy, and fun-loving. Or, it can show up as being spontaneous, flirty, and giddy.

It is a woman’s ultimate power; femininity is NOT a weakness. Just ask Superwoman! She is full of power yet incredibly feminine. Sadly, our society has equated femininity as being a push-over and without strength. This is SO far from the truth. It is entirely possible to be strong and feminine simultaneously.

Consider cultivating your femininity in your personal life through various ways. This includes, but is not limited to:  dancing, taking bubble baths, listening to music, laughing, burning candles, using potpourri, incense and/or perfume, or putting on your favorite soft or silky outfit. But, it could be a multitude of other ways as well. I would love to read how you experience femininity. Write your thoughts in the comment field and let us know what cultivates femininity for you.

Remind yourself that:

  • To be open and vulnerable IS to be feminine.  
  • To be feminine does NOT equal weakness; it is your strength and your power (remember the momma bear?).
  • Femininity isn’t about outward appearance, but originated from your inner being and manifests itself in many different ways, which are individual to you.
  • The more you tap into your own flavor of genuine femininity, the more you walk in your own unique and authentic power. 

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