5 Ways to Build Confidence After Divorce

By: Wendi Schuller
Last Update: November 01, 2016

Getting a divorce can affect one’s self-confidence. One may have to get a job, move to a different locale, or meet new people. A lot is thrown at you at once. Divorce does not define who you are, but it is a word indicating your marital status. Being divorced is just a part of one’s multi-faceted being. There are ways to boost one’s confidence, which leads to a more fulfilling life.

1. Do a Self-Inventory 

The first step for gaining more confidence is to do a self-inventory. In what areas do you feel overwhelmed and could use improving? Think about where you excel, such as on the job, with some relationships, or in your hobbies. Your talents and abilities may have brought accolades, such as winning local tournaments for a sport. A person may have a magnificent voice which is central to their choir. One may be surprised at how many areas of confidence outweigh what scares them. People sometimes focus on the negatives instead of the positives and feel that they lack confidence in general, rather than in a few specific aspects of their lives.

2. Learn New Skills 

Learning new skills, material, and strategies is the way to fix the areas that are weak and lacking in confidence. Building confidence is like building up a muscle when lifting weights – it benefits the whole person, and not just one part. Take a computer class if feeling wobbly about IT on the job. Some scientific guys have confided they feel awkward trying to make small talk. Small talk is a way to connect with others and is important socially as well as at work. Joining groups with a purpose, such as hiking, photography, chess, books, and so forth make discussing the subject at hand easy, which then leads to other conversations. The trick is to get help for what is draining one’s confidence.

3. Reward Yourself

Rewards do work. I had a phobia for public speaking, and as an author, I knew interviews and doing workshops were inevitable. I joined Toastmasters International to help get over this fear and increase my confidence. However, I paired Toastmasters meetings with getting together afterwards at a coffee shop with friends. Eventually, my brain linked going to Toastmasters with treats. I no longer feel the need for lattes afterwards and found I really enjoy speaking in front of others and doing radio interviews. Pick a treat to motivate you to go to a class or do something out of your comfort zone.

4. Follow Dreams 

Following dreams and passions gets one excited and engaged. This enthusiasm is attractive to people and draws them to you. Divorced people have gained confidence doing mountain climbing, running marathons, or doing treks. I went to a travel talk given by a women who went to Africa and joined a group to bicycle along stunning scenery. These folks conquered fears and dramatically increased confidence.

5. Share Your Expertise with Others 

Share your expertise by tutoring, coaching, or volunteering. People who mentored kids that were failing in school or had families in turmoil said watching them blossom into young adults positively affected how they felt about themselves. Volunteering takes the focus off you and perceived inadequacies. Making the world a better place takes one outside of themselves, and they can be more relaxed in life.

Lack of confidence can be tied to how we think others are judging us. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” If there is a CD in your brain spewing negative comments about you, then replace it. Mistakes are a way to learn how to do something better, as Henry Ford and Thomas Edison have stated. In hypnotherapy class, we were instructed to come up with a 30- to 45-second self-promotion monologue. This serves several purposes: what to say when you meet someone and to reinforce to yourself what sterling qualities you possess. Think about what you would say on yours. If you still feel your confidence requires a boost, then consider seeing a life coach. They can give a reality check and help you form strategies to improve your well-being.

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