Losing a partner hits us hard to the core, because as mammalian species we're created to attach to other beings. Whenever this is disrupted, such is in a case of divorce, we get triggered. Depression, anxiety, stress, grief, and anger are quite likely to emerge stronger than ever when we try to recover from divorce. In addition to this, we have to go through so many adjustments in life. You may need to downgrade your lifestyle due to loss of financial stability, you may have to move to a smaller house or get an apartment, and you don't have a partner to share daily tasks of household chores and child-care regularly.
The reason why I'm listing these difficulties is to encourage you to take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel down, confused, or angry. These feelings are not only normal, but they may propel you to take better care of yourself and possibly make some changes in life.It’s important to know that you can get through this. Don’t do it alone. We are not meant to do this alone. Getting adequate support is essential for a faster recovery.
Choose your support carefully at this time. Some family and friends may be really good for you and some may aggravate you even more in spite of their best intentions. You probably already know who I’m talking about in your life. Don’t feel ashamed and don’t isolate yourself as you recover from divorce.
Another way to get support is by attending support groups for divorced. You can choose women's only groups or co-ed groups. There is something really powerful and healing about being with the people who are going through the same as you do. You may also get some good advice in regards to different resources or business connections.
It's very likely that you may struggle with some significant symptoms of depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and stress. It's also possible that you may wonder about the meaning of your life at this point. It's quite normal if you are struggling to get through the regular day at work and dealing with your children. A therapist can help you get through this most difficult time and get back on your feet. My suggestion is to carefully choose the provider, such as therapist or group facilitator. Many therapists offer a free 20-minute consultation, so this can help you get a feel for the person and how it may work out. Important aspects to consider are how your therapist's personality meshes with yours, the way in which your therapist works, and the specialties that your therapist is proficient in.
Staying busy can help you get through this easier and faster. It also gives you a perspective and understanding that there are more things in life besides what you are going through right now. It's quite likely that you may not be able to thrive in your career, but make sure that you carry on at least minimal duties in order to maintain a good standing. Get additional emotional support in order to manage this. Being in this state when you are divorcing is to be expected.
Whatever you used to like doing before may be something that you want to go back to. Perhaps some activities that you used to like even before you got married, can help you get some joy back. How about going back to that art, cooking, or writing class?
You may be surprised how this can be helpful. Make an effort to master a new skill and set some attainable goals. This will help you get through this difficult time and preserve or gain positive self-esteem. There are various things you can do. What about a getting-fit challenge? Or, maybe focusing on running a marathon? How about focusing on eating healthy? Or, learning a language?
What I recommend is joining some kind of club or meetup group. You can reawaken some of your old passions or form new ones. The bonus is that you may make good social connections. Sometimes new friends can be instrumental in our recovery.
Your anger, confusion, feeling lost, and frustration is to be expected at this time. On the other hand, I want to invite you to think of how you can emerge from this difficult place. I want you to know that you can get through this and that you can live a life that's happier than ever before. This won't be easy and it'll take some serious self-reflection and hard work, but it's so well worth it.