Humorous Quotes from Women

Because laughter really is the best medicine, here are some funny quotes from women about women. Here's to honoring - and humoring - women in all walks of life!

By Divorce Magazine
Updated: April 01, 2015
Humorous Quotes from Women

"I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows."
– Janette Barber

"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."
– Elayne Boosler

“I would always rather be happy than dignified.” – Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing  and then marry him.” 
– Cher

"When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch." 
 – Bette Davis

“A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.”
 – Coco Chanel

“No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. ” 
– Betty Friedan

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't."
 Rhonda Hansome

"Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened."
 Cora Harvey Armstrong

"The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70."
 Helen Hayes (at age 73)

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
– Katharine Hepburn

"Whoever thought up the word 'Mammogram'? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone."
– Jan King

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends."
 Laurie Kuslansky

 "35 is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart."
– Caryn Laschen

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I'm also not blonde."
–  Dolly Parton

“No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.” 
 – Elizabeth Peters

“After all, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.”
 Ann Richards

"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car."
 Carrie Snow

“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he's not the man she married?”
– Barbra Streisand

“In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” 
– Margaret Thatcher

"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."
– Jennifer Unlimited

“There are no good girls gone wrong – just bad girls found out.”  
– Mae West

“Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.” 
 – Mae West

“Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” 
– Mae West

"Whatever women must do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
– Charlotte Whitton
 
“As long as she thinks of a man, nobody objects to a woman thinking.” 

– Virginia Woolf, Orlando

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By Divorce Magazine| September 25, 2014
Categories:  Coping with Divorce

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