Hiding from the Realities of Your Divorce May Cause You to Face Harsher Truths

Read how to combat the war within us to prevent losing touch with reality. In today's age many people use electronics for some down time, but learn when it is too much from Stacy D. Phillips and how to use your time more productively.

By Stacy D. Phillips
Updated: March 18, 2015
Health and Well Being

The following is the last segment segment in a 13-part series based on the book, Divorce: It's All About Control -- How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars, by renowned family law specialist and managing partner of Phillips Lerner, A Law Corporation in Los Angeles, Calif. This continuing series deals with one of the most destructive wars -- the Internal Wars -- and the Enemies Within, all of which can be just as devastating as the emotional, psychological and legal wars. The Internal Wars deal with "way too much" and "far too little," -- both of which can be vicious enemies. As I mentioned in the prior four segments which covered alcohol/drugs, over-spending, gambling and overeating, each one of the Internal Wars deals with self-abuse in one way or another. This segment highlights overworking.


Another in the category of overdoing deals with too much "getaway" by way of losing yourself is in some distraction like television or hanging out on the Internet. Nothing wrong with a little TV and surfing the net for interesting sites, but when you spend most of your after work hours and weekends losing yourself in such media then you may find yourself in a War with Escape. Often when people find the need to absorb themselves with means of escape they can lose contact with the real world. Like it or not, the real world requires our attention in order to do important things like attend to our children and socialize with others. However, I know people who go from work to the sofa, or the computer, and that is where they remain until it is bedtime and then they do the same routine all over again, day after day. Weekends become a blur between college football and chat rooms! As a result it is very easy to lose touch with life in general. Nothing is more tempting than to escape from the pain of a breakup, as I have pointed out all along in this series, by some means: forced distraction certainly a formidable opponent among all the others. Allow me just mention a few reasons why you may not want to escape via this "Way Too Much" War. Reasons that may echo inside your head:

  • I will become isolated.
  • I may miss those special, little moments with my children—moments I will one day want to recall.
  • I will make those who wish to interact with me feel left out.
  • I will become "one track" and not very interesting.
  • I may miss out on opportunities to meet a potential new significant other.
  • It may cause me to struggle or become uncomfortable conversing with others since I have become so used to being "self-contained."
  • I will only be putting off dealing with my issues and still have to deal with them at some point.
  • I may not be taking care of other important areas in my life like going to the gym, visiting friends and relatives, and seeking out new networking opportunities for social and business purposes.
  • I will ultimately become lonely.
  • I may be distancing myself but the echo of "I’m Out of Control" will be heard from miles around.

Now make your own list of why escaping might be detrimental to your progress as a divorced person. Keep it nearby when you become tempted to escape.


Stacy D. Phillips is a co-founder of Phillips Lerner, A Law Corporation, which specializes in high-profile family law matters. She is co-chair of the Women's Political Committee and a member of Divorce Magazine's North American Advisory Board. She can be reached at (310) 277-7117. View her firm's Divorce Magazine profile here.

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November 22, 2009
Categories:  Coping with Divorce

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