Finding love in all the wrong places: where you should not go to find your new mate

Where you should not go to find your new mate. Stacy D. Phillips, Author and Certified Family Law Specialist gives advice.

By Stacy D. Phillips
February 18, 2010
Emotional Issues

In this part five segment of my "Top Ten" lists of do's, don'ts and other admonishments, I will address where not to go to scout for your new mate.

If you are recently separated or divorced, it is normal for you to desire companionship and affection. Some people do not think straight or sensibly though as they plod through the misery of divorce, instead they often act impulsively when they are lonely or attempting to deal with the incredible void a divorce leaves. In that case, many head out for new experiences, but, unfortunately, some show up for them in all the wrong places.

What you do not want to do is repeat the past. If you try to start a relationship with anyone who frequents the places below, chances are you will experience a similar kind of disillusionment of what you just went through.

I am guessing that the next time around for you, romantically speaking, is the time you want to find someone with whom you can feel good about going the distance. That means when you venture out to start dating again you want to show up at venues where appropriate matches might be found.

Some items on my list indicating where not to go to meet the right person might make you laugh out loud, but I assure you, love happens in all these places, and more often than you might think!

If you find yourself feeling desperate, stay home, at least until you are in a frame of mind where you feel as though you do not need someone in your life; even though it would be nice link up with someone.

Here is my list, but do not be afraid to add other locations to mine. By so doing, you will become much more aware of making solid decisions.

10. A laundromat. (If a person does not have his/her own washer and dryer by now, that could be very telling).
9. A bar for singles. (You get my drift).
8. Your attorney's office lobby. (That other divorcee you are suddenly attracted to needs time to "unpack" his/her baggage. Of course, if the other divorcee is back on his/her healthy feet, then by all means!)
7. Around the water cooler at work.
6. In a parking garage.
5. An Anger Management class.
4. Alcoholics Anonymous
3. A fast food restaurant.
2. In the car next to you.
1. Jail.

 

Stacy D. Phillips is a co-founder of Phillips Lerner, A Law Corporation, which specializes in high-profile family law matters. She is co-chair of the Women's Political Committee and a member of Divorce Magazine's North American Advisory Board. She can be reached at (310) 277-7117. View her firm's Divorce Magazine profile here.

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By Stacy D. Phillips| February 18, 2010
Categories:  FAQs

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