Ending any kind of a relationship is tough and emotional, especially when it comes to ending a marriage. Whether you have been married for two or 22 years, you both made vows to protect and respect each other, and now it has all disappeared.
You’ve had disagreements, and now is the time to reach a decision that will change both of your lives.
Even though you don’t want to admit to yourself that it’s over, you’ll have to have the talk. Whatever the reason for the breakup, sit down with your spouse and work things out. Discuss your feelings and be honest with yourself. You’ll probably start talking about the good memories you shared, which will definitely make you doubt the decision about the divorce, but if it doesn’t work anymore, you’ll have to face that fact. Make the decision together, talk about the whole process and what it might include, and peacefully move on to the technical part of the divorce.
The first step is having your spouse move out of the shared home. This may either be a trial separation until the final decision about the divorce has been made, or it may refer to the legal separation which is necessary before filing for the actual divorce. After the separation requirements have been met, the couple can file for a divorce in their country. You will have to gather and sign the papers, and pay the fees at the district court in the appropriate county. When everything has been filed, you have to notify your spouse that the process is in motion and attend a temporary hearing before you can reach the agreement and go to trial.
After the legal side has been taken care of, it’s time to move on and reinvent yourself. At the beginning things will be tough; you will be emotional and feel like your life has no future. You can allow yourself to have different feelings and mood swings, including anger, sadness, loneliness, and even relief. Everything is allowed, and by embracing your emotions, you will only help yourself get through tough times. Better yet, give yourself a break and permission to be less productive and function at lower levels for some time. Take time to heal, get your emotions in order, and slowly reorganize your whole life.
No one can get through any kind of breakup alone, and why should you? It’s hard to talk about your feelings with other people, but this will help you move on and face the facts. Share with your friends and family everything you feel and think, and let them support and help you. Another possibility is joining a support group where you can meet people in similar situations and help each other to move on. Remember, if you isolate yourself, you will only increase your stress levels, lose focus, and ruin your social life and health. Go outside and get the help you need.
Long-term relationships involve plenty of compromising, which can lead to giving up on old hobbies and habits. You have stopped doing some stuff from your single days because they were inappropriate for the relationship, and now you can do them again. If you loved going out with your friends and coming home at dawn, do it. If you loved going to the cinema or theater and you couldn’t because your spouse found that boring, go and treat yourself with a nice movie or a play. Get rid of the marital habits and embrace your old ones. Enjoy who you used to be and then try finding something new about yourself.
Since the marriage was all about mutual decisions and activities, it’s the time for you to do what you want. Take up new hobbies; join a cooking class or a pole-dancing class; take up new sports; give in to various adrenaline rush adventures; travel. Do the things you always wanted to experience; you don’t have to explain your desires to anyone anymore. In this transitioning process, the change is good. Change your hairstyle if you wish, renew your wardrobe, and simply change your lifestyle. All the activities and constant change will occupy you and draw your attention away from your ex and emotional distress. Now you only have to take care of yourself, and focus on your kids, if you have any.
Breaking up isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean you have to panic and be depressed. Everything happens for a reason and all disagreements can be resolved peacefully. The time after divorce should be yours only, and you should enjoy it to the fullest as soon as the grieving part is finally over.
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst
Business Valuators / CPAs