• Should someone ever represent themselves in a divorce?
• Since no-fault divorce is so common, does my spouse's misconduct ever have any bearing on how we divide up assets and debts?

Should someone ever represent themselves in a divorce?

It can be done, but rarely is it a good idea. Many states have a dissolution process that is user-friendly, and an unrepresented divorce is appropriate if you have had a brief marriage with no assets, significant debt, or children. The problem is that in circumstances where there is any money, property, businesses, debt or children -- even a pet -- involved, most people don't know just how much it is they don't know. What makes all the sense in the world to you about the division of property may be at odds with the laws in your state or province. Each state has its own laws about the division of assets, property, and debt. Then there is always a possibility of economic misconduct or secreting (hiding) of funds that you might not know is going on. Moreover, there is the matter of emotion. You are not objective when you are in the middle of a divorce. Neither is your spouse. At the very least, no matter how simple and common-sense the separation seems, you should consult with an attorney so you have an idea of all of the potential issues.

More answers on divorce questions: Advice from Judge Toler FAQ videos Divorce FAQs Ask John Gray Ask Ivana Trump

Since no-fault divorce is so common, does my spouse's misconduct ever have any bearing on how we divide up assets and debts?

Again, it depends on where you live. But even in places where no-fault is the rule of the day, some states and provinces take marital misconduct into account when making economic determinations. Marital misconduct is behavior that undermines the marital relationship in a manner that forces the victim-spouse to assume extra burdens in the marriage. It is not used to punish the offending party for being a jerk but to fairly compensate the victim. For example, when a spouse has gambled away the couples' life savings or physically abused their spouse, a court may consider that behavior when dividing assets or awarding spousal support. Many states, however, will not consider any marital misconduct as a matter of law, no matter its nature or severity. Others will do so only if it is so extreme that it shocks the conscience. It appears that more states are willing to take marital misconduct into consideration when it has a direct economic impact on the marriage, such as in the gambling example above. But you have to check the state or province in which you live to determine its willingness to take extreme misconduct into consideration. It can be complicated, so check with an attorney.

Judge Lynn Toler, a graduate of Harvard and The University of Pennsylvania Law School, served as a municipal court judge for eight years. She presides over the courtroom on the nationally syndicated television show Divorce Court and is the author of the book My Mother's Rules, a guide to greater emotional control.

Tuesday, May 15
at 8 pm to 8:30 EST
Out With the Tragedy: Turning Divorce into a meaningful experience
with Allison Pescosolido and Andra Brosh, founders of Divorce Detox
Learn More

Listen to podcasts of previous TeleSeminars.