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How to Negotiate a Successful Relationship Agreement ©
Are you contemplating divorce? Have you been considering reconciliation during the divorce proceeding? How will you approach a new relationship with the opposite sex? For your relationship to work, you must recognize what your own needs are and understand the perceptions and concerns of your partner. Most of us didn't have the best role models for an effective relationship. We haven't had classes on building harmonious relationships in our schools. In order to establish a truthful intimate and fulfilling relationship between yourself and someone you care about, you must negotiate a mutual gain in the important issues of your life. The following strategy will give you the tools to build the golden bridge of a loving relationship.
When there is a problem in any relationship, you have only four choices to consider:
We often forget that if we are unhappy, it is a choice we are making. If you choose not to be miserable, you have three choices left. Before you end a relationship that once was happy, you need to remember that you are 50% responsible for the problems-no more and no less. So it is important for your own growth to work on yourself. If you work on yourself and do not engage in negotiation for change- you lose the opportunity to collaborate and grow together. When you negotiate for change successfully, you make an agreement with your partner as to change yourself as to those actions that you believe are fair and appropriate for you. You each can make a commitment to your self and your partner. So it is important to problem-solve together, and not to agree to anything that feels uncomfortable. You must take responsibility to respond honestly and make your discomfort known to your partner when you cannot agree. It is critical to brainstorm solutions and create several options as proposals. A "take it or leave it" attitude will get you no where. Your willingness to jointly discuss alternatives for agreement will lead you to a mutual gain.
Love can be rekindled when expectations are shared, and there is an attitude of being willing to listen to each other's interests and concerns.
If you agree to negotiate for change, the following proven strategy will be your guide.
Your Strategy for Negotiating for Change
SELF-ASSESSMENT OF YOUR NEEDS
Needs to be met: WHAT DO WE WANT FROM OUR RELATIONSHIP?
1. PHYSICAL NEEDS: i.e.: cuddling, romance, sex, helping each other with work, chores, exercise, movement, entertaining, entertainment. (add your own)
2. EMOTIONAL NEEDS: i.e.: intimacy, sharing feelings, giving each other moral support, respecting each other's opinions and desires, willingness to disagree without anger, guilt or blame. This could also include issues with the children, other relatives and other third parties.
3. FINANCIAL AND ECONOMIC NEEDS: i.e.: spending styles, financial responsibility, what is our view of money, savings, what does money mean to us, household expenses, vacations, sharing of responsibility, economic choices.
4. SPIRITUAL, RELIGIOUS, MORAL: mutual respect for values, devotion, supporting each other's faith, spiritually growing, morally growing.
THIS AGREEMENT WILL BE IN EFFECT AS OF THE DATE IT IS SIGNED. WE AGREE TO MEET AGAIN ON–––--TO DISCUSS HOW THE AGREEMENT IS WORKING AND FOLLOW THE SAME PROCEDURES FOR FOLLOW-UP AS IN THE FIRST NEGOTIATION.
Mari J. Frank, Esq. is an attorney, mediator, conflict management consultant, and Certified Negotiation and Mediation Trainer in Laguna Niguel, California. She has successfully taught thousands of people to utilize proven techniques to turn difficult problems into satisfying agreements and enhanced relationships. She has authored numerous published articles and a textbook called Negotiations Breakthroughs . She has 25 years of experience transforming adversity and conflict into dynamic opportunity. View her Divorce Magazine profile. For information, call: (949) 364-1511, e-mail her at email@example.com or her web site.
For more articles on assistance relationships during and after divorce, visit http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Relationships