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Mediation Combination
Mediators can also be attorneys, therapists, or even accountants. Which combination is right for you?
You may have heard about some of the possible benefits of mediation: it can be easier on the kids and the pocket book, reduces conflict, is faster than bitter litigation, teaches more effective communication and parenting, creates more control of the process, and encourages self-generated solutions. But did you know that two mediators can be different as apples and avocados -- that their professional training and experience as well as personal style and beliefs can make them just-right or all-wrong for you? In general, most mediators have professional training and accreditation in either legal or therapeutic areas: lawyers, therapists, social workers, and clergy. Mediators with financial training -- such as accountants or financial planners -- are also becoming more common.
Here are a few examples of the possible combinations:
- Lawyer-Mediator: Choosing a mediator who is also an attorney or who has a legal background can be very beneficial in divorce cases. "The most important thing is to find a mediator who is well-trained -- whatever their background is," says Carl Viniar, a lawyer-mediator from the South Jersey Mediation Center in Woodbury, NJ. "An attorney-mediator is well-rounded; as an attorney, he or she has already dealt with almost every aspect of divorce."
Just some of the advantages to hiring a lawyer-mediator are that they can more accurately define legal issues, and that they know court procedure and the structure of court settlements. - Therapist-Mediator: Therapists are trained to help people understand themselves and better their lives, Their extensive training and client-centered approach can make them excellent mediators by allowing them to use therapeutic techniques and skills -- such as defusing anger and improving communication -- in mediation. Carol Butler, the co-author of The Divorce Mediation Answer Book (Kodansha-America) and a New York City psychotherapist and mediator, believes a therapist-mediator may be a good choice for a couple who wants to work with someone with who understands the dynamics of a relationship. "A psychotherapist's training and work experience applies very well to mediation," says Butler. "Training and experience with couples, families, and group therapy enable therapist-mediators to attend to the needs and feelings of both partners in divorce mediation." Some advantages of choosing a therapist-mediator include: they can help improve communication between the involved parties, which can be tremendously useful if there are children to raise together; and they can also identify and help the parties articulate their needs, and then use these insights to mediate a fair and workable agreement.
Unless your mediator has legal training, though, you may have to look elsewhere for help with property division and to draft your legal separation agreement. Make sure your lawyer looks at any document drafted by your mediator before you sign it. - Accountant-Mediator: If your finances are complicated, consider hiring a mediator with a financial background. With a MBA in Finance and 20 years in banking, Anju Jessani brings financial savvy to her mediation practice Divorce with Dignity in Hoboken, NJ. "I have a deep knowledge of personal business and finance," says Jessani. "My mediating is not therapy: it's more like business consulting. There is no legalese and lots of common sense."
- Male-Female Teams: A divorcing couple may be well served by choosing a team composed of a man and a woman. Their different perspectives may help to break through barriers to reach a settlement.
"A male-female mediator team can give a sense of balance and fairness to the process," says Alan Frankel, a therapist-mediator who works with female lawyer-mediator Jill Sanders-DeMott in Mt. Kisco, NY. Each spouse sees one of the mediators as a gender ally, and being validated by mediators of both sexes is reassuring and empowering for those involved. The balancing of sexes also helps balance power within the session. - Therapist-Lawyer Teams: When two mediators with different professional backgrounds work together, each can focus on the areas best-suited to their strengths and training, and avoid overstepping the limits of their experience and knowledge. "As a therapist-mediator, I can get a sense of the emotional barriers as well as the relationship dynamics between the couple," says Frankel. "As an lawyer-mediator, my partner can concentrate on what she knows best -- legal issues."
These teams can work together in the mediation sessions, or divide up the issues (lawyer-mediator works on the property and the therapist-mediator works on the visitation). Remember, though, that hiring two professionals instead of one may be more costly. Make sure you call around and ask for rates before choosing a team.
The bottom line
When choosing a mediator, don't get too hung up on their profession of origin. The bottom line is that experience, conflict-management skills, sensitivity, and personal style can be more important than whether or not a mediator is also a lawyer, therapist, or part of a team.
The author of The Heart Of Conflict (G.P Putnam's Sons), divorce mediator Brian Muldoon says: "A good mediator has to have a profound sensitivity to the goals of his or her clients as well as a working knowledge of both law and therapy," he says. "You have to listen to your client, learn something new, and allow the power of the process to shift to your client." After all, the client is an "expert" when it comes to his or her own life.
