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A Dear John Letter to Myself
By Tova Gabrielle

RE: Notification of Termination
Attention: Dwindling Support System
cc: Bored of Relations

Dear Ms. Gabrielle,

I am writing to let you know my intentions regarding our long and torturous relationship: The time has come to inform you that this is no longer working for me, and I want out. I have given this a great deal of thought and have concluded that the whole arrangement was a poor idea to begin with, one based upon physical need and rooted in co-dependence, rather than one which could possibly be a solace and support within and towards the world at large.

It is high time we face facts, bite the bullet, and simply separate so that we might both still have a chance to move on with our lives before it is too late.

I realize this will be difficult for you to do, that you do not know who you are without me, that you are completely dependent upon my every thought, and that I am your only hope: your light in the darkness. Yet I simply cannot support your selfish whims and continued neediness any longer.

I regret that I, too, have become so identified with your physical and emotional needs that I am uncertain how to even begin a life free of your endless, imagined emergencies and overwhelming demands.

To be truthful, I find you exhausting and I am incensed at your attitude of entitlement that you have clung to in order to excuse your encroachment upon my dwindling time in this world. Hence, I must ask that you do not attempt any contact with me, as it will interfere with our making a clean break. I simply refuse to be held hostage any longer to your incessant attention-getting ploys.

I will admit, however, that you were fun and stimulating when you weren't a royal pain, and even will condede to you that I will miss our moments of intimacy. However, I believe that I will eventually find more satisfying relations with one with whom I am not so entwined: I believe our relationship has become incestuous and immoral and ask only that you return to me the things with which I first entered this enmeshed relationship: my body and my mind.

Wishing you better luck in future relationships,

Tova,
Rightful Proprietor and Owner.

Tova Gabrielle is a published humorist and essayist in Oakland, CA. She can be reached at batova@yahoo.com.

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