Preview of Excerpt from The Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford

During my marriage I learned and experienced at least 100 things that have contributed to my life. When I breathe them in and honor my life by honoring my experiences, I bask in the joy of emotional freedom. My list of the gifts of my marriage looks like this:

1. I have the child I always wanted.
2. I moved to beautiful La Jolla, California.
3. I get to be a parent to Beau.
4. My sister moved to La Jolla to be close to us.
5. I began working with Deepak Chopra.
6. I developed the Shadow Process.
7. My ex-husband paid off my school loans.
8. I was able to experience having a family of my own.
9. My parents moved to La Jolla to be near Arielle, Beau, and me.
10. I received enough money to stay home and write my first book.
11. I had the privilege of being the daughter-in-law of Bernice and Marty.
12. I’ve learned how to look at life through the eyes of another.
13. I learned that you don’t have to go to Harvard to be brilliant.
14. I’ve learned how to share and include others in my life even if I disagree with them.
15. I’ve become more thoughtful in my words.
16. I received the inspiration for my second book.
17. I’ve learned to not verbalize every thought I might be having.
18. I’ve had the profound experience of seeing how others change as I change.
19. I learned that I could make it on my own with a child.
20. I’m learning how to be a good mother.
21. I’ve learned that co-parenting can be a joy.
22. I’ve learned that in conflict I need to keep the attention on myself.
23. I had the wedding I always dreamed of.
24. I’ve learned to ask for what I need.

How can I resent a man who has given me so many gifts? The gift of my son alone is reason enough to honor Dan for the rest of my life. Listing the gifts allowed me to see all that I had gained through my entire experience. At a time when I could see only pain and disappointment, looking for the good, the gifts, and the lessons opened me up to a place of authentic appreciation for my partner. It gave me a choice of realities in which to live. I could choose to remain in the painful reality of what didn’t work, or I could choose to celebrate in the joyful world of gratitude.

Excerpted with permission from Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford (2^nd edition, HarperCollins, 2006). Please revisit our site this December for the full excerpt or purchase a copy of Divorce Magazine.  Click here for Divorce Magazine's interview with Debbie Ford when the book was first released.

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Out With the Tragedy: Turning Divorce into a meaningful experience
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