1. Do not expect to react like everyone else. Do you imagine that everyone reacts the same way to painful events? Do you compare yourself with others in your reactions? Do you seek their approval?

More information on your health and well-being before and after divorce: Turning stumbling blocks into building blocks The Gifts of Your Marriage Overworking Can Rob Your Life of Balance

2. Pursue your own path to recovery. Do you trust your own wisdom to know what is best for you? What helps you to cope with overwhelmingly negative thoughts and feelings?

3. Be open to learning about yourself. Can you see this painful event as a path to self-knowledge and growth? How do you tend to shut down, especially when you feel most vulnerable? What negative quality has become most apparent as you struggle with your partner’s infidelity?

4. Appreciate your unique gifts. What do you like most about yourself? Do you see yourself as a resilient person? What is your greatest strength in adversity?

5. Trust in your own potential for growth. Do you lack faith in your ability to cope and to grow through adversity? Have you felt stuck in your life? How do you imagine your future, as bright or bleak?

6. Do not be afraid to learn from others. What qualities do you admire in others? Whom do you admire most, and what can you learn from that person? Are you afraid to share your pain with others and ask for their advice?

7. Do not give up on the work of recovery. Are you easily discouraged? What do you foresee as your greatest obstacle in recovery? What is your greatest asset for overcoming that obstacle?

8. Be patient with your progress toward being yourself. Do you see your present struggles as an invaluable way to learn about and become yourself? Can you see self-knowledge and personal growth as a journey? Do you believe in progress, or do you feel caught in self-¬defeating behaviors?

From the book TRANSCENDING POST-INFIDELITY STRESS DISORDER: THE SIX STAGES OF HEALING by Dennis Ortman © 2009, published by Celestial Arts/Ten Speed, an imprint of The Crown Publishing Group.

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