What your lawyer needs to know

Once you've chosen a lawyer, you'll need to provide information and direction to him or her. When your family attorney requests information, respond as quickly, completely, and concisely as you can -- don't waste your own and your lawyer's time by writing a 24-page document when all that was required was a " yes " or " no " answer.

Of course, every case is unique, but the following checklist will give you an idea of what information your divorce lawyer will need. You need to disclose:

• Why you are seeking a divorce. What caused your breakup? Are you sure you want to end the marriage, or is the visit to a lawyer meant to be a wake-up call to your spouse? " The client needs to be sure that he or she actually wants a divorce, " says Wildstein. " If he or she's secretly hoping for a reconciliation, then the client and family lawyer are working towards different goals. "
• Personal data about you, your spouse, and your children (if any). Write down your names (maiden name, too, if applicable); your home and work addresses and telephone numbers; your ages and places of birth; your Social Security Numbers; your states of health -- both mental and physical; your Green Card(s) and immigration papers (if applicable).
• Facts about your marriage. When and where did you get married? Did you sign a prenuptial agreement? If so, bring a copy of the agreement with you. Have either of you been married before? Provide details of your previous divorce(s).
• Whether there will be issues involving your children -- such as custody or access.
• Financial information. What assets and debts did each of you bring into the marriage? What are your incomes and what are your expenses -- jointly and individually? What are the names and addresses of your employers? How much money do both of you have invested: in the bank, the stock market, etc.? Has either of you invested in insurance, a pension plan, a Pension and Profit Savings Plan? What property do you own (a house, car, boat, income property, etc.)? Was the property purchased before or after the marriage? Do you have a mortgage, and how much is still owed? Prior to seeing your lawyer, create a budget detailing how much you spend every month on items such as housing, food, clothing, personal grooming, gifts, vacations, etc. If you have children, and expect to be their primary caretaker, make sure you factor their costs into your budget.
• Legal documents. Bring copies of prior or pending lawsuits, bankruptcy suits, judgments, and garnishments.
• Your divorce goals. Be very specific about your goals in terms of realizing your future and have your short term goals for property, other assets, custody, visitation, and support be consistent with that future.

What your lawyer expects from you

Your divorce lawyer is hoping you'll be the ideal client: calm, businesslike, competent, and well prepared. " Ideal clients can control their emotions; are organized; are willing to work together with me to attain their goals; and are willing to listen to my advice -- even if they don't follow it all the time, " says Alton Abramowitz, past-president of the AAML (NY) and head of the matrimonial practice at Cooperman, Levitt, Winikoff, Lester & Newman.

Your family lawyer will expect to be paid on-time and in-full. If your financial situation is bad and getting worse, talk to your family attorney immediately; he or she may be able to work out some kind of payment plan that works for you. If you're broke because your ex cleaned out the bank account (or did something else equally irresponsible), you should tell your attorney about it right away. He or she can file motions asking the court to grant temporary orders for items such as child or spousal support, custody, control of assets, payment of your divorce attorney's fees, etc. Temporary orders are meant to ensure that certain things do or don't happen; if you suspect your divorce might get nasty, ask your divorce lawyer about filing orders to protect you and/or your kids -- financially and physically.